I wrote this for my RA staff around the end of the school year. I read it to them during a meeting I ran. I cried, uncontrollably. I edited it to make it easier to relate to. Enjoy.
I am dealing with a lot of “lasts” here at Bethel and from that I think alot about the moments I’ve had. Moments with friends, professors, roommates, and crushes.
Being who I am, a media communication major, I love the media. Music, film, social networks, I love it all. One way I connect with God is through the media. In every good media there is usually, at least for me, a moment that the light goes off, the switch turns on, the bridge is connected, where everything just clicks. It’s moment like that where I experience God or I learn something applicable to life and love.
Moments are a funny thing. When we want to tell stories to one another we rarely tell it the same each time. It’s always a moment that we remember and build off of it from there. Like when I ripped a bag of Honey Nut Scooters open, playing swords, playing racquetball, talking about birth, playing the game Tanks and commanders, or talking about broccoli, or watching someone find her long lost iPod, or helping someone in need, climbing trees, or talking about cameras, doing P90X, Chipotle runs, and running around Heritage at 2am during finals week. Moments that I don’t plan on forgetting and want to cherish forever.
It only takes a second to define a moment.
A second is all it takes to make a moment. To make a memory. To set a story in motion. Just a second, and you know if you've done something good or bad. A second to make a decision that makes something set in motion.
It’s like this: “The saddest thing about life is you don’t remember half of it. You don’t even remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth. When we die and sit down with God I’ll tell him what I did with my life and when I am done with my story, God will probably sit there looking at me, wondering what to talk about next” (Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years)
To be cliche’ the line from Hitch rings true here. Life isn’t measured in the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
All good stories have moments that take our breath away. All good stories also involve fear. This fear causes conflict and all good stories have conflict.
Fear sucks. I hate fear. Donald Miller describes it like this: “Fear is an manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring story” (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, 108).
To live a good story you must face the fear that is holding you back from living a good story.
July 04, 2012
June 09, 2012
Song of the Week 6-9-12
Doing all those things on his little recording thing...pretty sweet. Talk about multitasking.
June 02, 2012
Song of the Week 6-2-12
I remember going to "David Crowder's Church" my freshman year in Waco, Texas. I imagined a huge glorious church and this clean, pristine man walking up and playing beautiful music I had learned to love. Then I walked into this church that used to be a small grocery store and the guy in this video showed up, beard and all, and I thought, "Who is this guy?"
Then he opened his mouth.
Then my perception changed.
May 26, 2012
May 19, 2012
May 16, 2012
Umbrella
It's springtime and I have forgotten how much it rains in the spring time.
Whenever it rains I always look for my umbrella but then I remember that I left my umbrella in my car and question to myself why in the world I would leave it in there since my car isn't in a garage.
Anyways, umbrellas are a recent symbol of my life and here's why:
When it rains you use an umbrella to protect yourself from getting wet. So you open up the umbrella and put it over your head and if you follow those directions you should stay mostly dry. Everything under the umbrella is enveloped by the umbrella.
Now imagine the umbrella is a representative of your personality or identity and now ask yourself,
"What should be the main label of that umbrella?"
"What should envelope me at the core of my being?"
"What should be the center of me as a whole person?"
For me, I came to the conclusion that the umbrella of my life should be my spirituality. By spirituality, I mean essentially my relationship with God and the effects of that on my character or being. I found that at the center of everything I do should be spirituality. Every activity should be enveloped or defined around my spirituality. My identity should be rooted in my spirituality.
Everything else should fall under the umbrella.
So, I found that I do not always live my life this way. In fact, I seem to have multiple "umbrellas" at times. I define myself differently depending on the situation. When interacting with girls I defined myself by my abilities or assets. When I drove I defined myself by my skills and knowledge of the road. When eating I defined myself by self-control and smart habits. When playing sports I defined myself by being a leader and an all around good sport while still being good at it.
A lot of it was a pride thing.
And I can't say I am all better now or that I have drastically improved my life since I came to the "Umbrella Theory" but I will say that it is good to at least acknowledge it in my life and be able to remember it at times. I am nowhere near getting a solid grasp at it but changing how you view things takes time, prayer, and humility.
As I write this it is 2:00am and there is a cool breeze flowing through the window. In the sky there is lightning, some thunder, but no rain. Now I imagine it in a spiritual sense, and I think of heaven; and that it must be picture day and it is beautiful. Angels are getting there picture taken with every flash, and no one is crying because they have to dress up, or smile with braces, but rather everyone is applauding because everyone is making funny faces in the camera.
Whenever it rains I always look for my umbrella but then I remember that I left my umbrella in my car and question to myself why in the world I would leave it in there since my car isn't in a garage.
Anyways, umbrellas are a recent symbol of my life and here's why:
When it rains you use an umbrella to protect yourself from getting wet. So you open up the umbrella and put it over your head and if you follow those directions you should stay mostly dry. Everything under the umbrella is enveloped by the umbrella.
Now imagine the umbrella is a representative of your personality or identity and now ask yourself,
"What should be the main label of that umbrella?"
"What should envelope me at the core of my being?"
"What should be the center of me as a whole person?"
For me, I came to the conclusion that the umbrella of my life should be my spirituality. By spirituality, I mean essentially my relationship with God and the effects of that on my character or being. I found that at the center of everything I do should be spirituality. Every activity should be enveloped or defined around my spirituality. My identity should be rooted in my spirituality.
Everything else should fall under the umbrella.
So, I found that I do not always live my life this way. In fact, I seem to have multiple "umbrellas" at times. I define myself differently depending on the situation. When interacting with girls I defined myself by my abilities or assets. When I drove I defined myself by my skills and knowledge of the road. When eating I defined myself by self-control and smart habits. When playing sports I defined myself by being a leader and an all around good sport while still being good at it.
A lot of it was a pride thing.
And I can't say I am all better now or that I have drastically improved my life since I came to the "Umbrella Theory" but I will say that it is good to at least acknowledge it in my life and be able to remember it at times. I am nowhere near getting a solid grasp at it but changing how you view things takes time, prayer, and humility.
As I write this it is 2:00am and there is a cool breeze flowing through the window. In the sky there is lightning, some thunder, but no rain. Now I imagine it in a spiritual sense, and I think of heaven; and that it must be picture day and it is beautiful. Angels are getting there picture taken with every flash, and no one is crying because they have to dress up, or smile with braces, but rather everyone is applauding because everyone is making funny faces in the camera.
May 12, 2012
Song of the Week 5-12-12
Good song, semi-awkward video. I think it would've been interesting if instead of "roaring like a lion" they said something about God being like a sheep. Just a thought.
May 09, 2012
Confessions
While in New Orleans I was reminded of a way to pray. We went through the acronym A.C.T.S.. The same one I used in fifth grade.
Adoration. Confession. Thanksgiving. Supplication.
My favorite so far is confession.
Because confession involves self-disclosure.
Self-disclosure leads to a more intimate relationship.
And if there is someone you should have an intimate relationship with it should be God.
It's interesting the level of comfort I receive just by expressing myself to God. I ask God questions like, "Why did this happen?" or "How do you feel about this?" or "Do you have a beard?" I also tell God about how I feel like "I'm crushing on this girl" and "I am unsure about my future" and "This made me laugh today." I find it very powerful not only in my relationship with God, but also with others.
I find that since my initiation of this prayer process I am able to self-disclose to others much easier.
It seems almost magical. I feel more confident in my personal relationships. It could be because I am more confident in my relationship with God or maybe God is just blessing me more and more because this is the story He wants me to follow.
It is nice sharing with God about life and in turn being able to share it with others more confidently.
There is this scene in the movie(and the book) Blue Like Jazz that involves confession and I found it very powerful, maybe you will too; not just in the movie, but in your own life.
Adoration. Confession. Thanksgiving. Supplication.
My favorite so far is confession.
Because confession involves self-disclosure.
Self-disclosure leads to a more intimate relationship.
And if there is someone you should have an intimate relationship with it should be God.
It's interesting the level of comfort I receive just by expressing myself to God. I ask God questions like, "Why did this happen?" or "How do you feel about this?" or "Do you have a beard?" I also tell God about how I feel like "I'm crushing on this girl" and "I am unsure about my future" and "This made me laugh today." I find it very powerful not only in my relationship with God, but also with others.
I find that since my initiation of this prayer process I am able to self-disclose to others much easier.
It seems almost magical. I feel more confident in my personal relationships. It could be because I am more confident in my relationship with God or maybe God is just blessing me more and more because this is the story He wants me to follow.
It is nice sharing with God about life and in turn being able to share it with others more confidently.
There is this scene in the movie(and the book) Blue Like Jazz that involves confession and I found it very powerful, maybe you will too; not just in the movie, but in your own life.
May 05, 2012
Song of the Week 5-5-12
Started reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller again and I remembered this video. People love stories and I believe that is why we can get so "caught up" in a movie or a book and because of that is why we get scared, or cry, or laugh; because we engrain ourselves into the story.
Some of his points:
A character that wants something makes a great story.
If what we want is sacrificial, or for the good of others, makes a better story.
If what we want is difficult to attain, or there is a lot of conflict to get it makes a better story.
April 28, 2012
Song of the Week 4-28-12
Living like that is an interesting concept. Can we ever grasp what "that" even is? Is "that" the Kingdom of God brought here on earth?
April 21, 2012
April 18, 2012
1,000 Words
The saying goes that a picture is worth a thousand words. My goal for this is to describe what happened in exactly one thousand words. Wish me luck. If you’re keeping track, the end of this sentence is thirty-nine.
When I first saw this picture I thought nothing of it. I said, “well, that is New Orleans.” But usually when you look at a piece of art you think nothing of it until you stop and think about it for a while. Staring at it for a couple minutes also helps. I submit to you now that this is a piece of art.
Off in the distance, in the way back, the way way back, you see this bridge, tall and illustrious, leading to who knows where and you see power lines going somewhere and coming from somewhere.
At first, I see houses, many houses with roofs. Some of the houses look pretty decent while one, that white one right in the center of the picture, looks beat up, abandoned, and in need of help. The paint is chipping and some of the windows look broken.
A little closer now the houses look pretty well maintained. The siding looks good, the roof isn’t faded and the window has a screen over it to keep out bugs.
But then there is this awkward looking green and yellow hump on the top of the roof. After you look at it awhile you see that it is a bunch of yellow flowers blooming, showing off their beauty to earth and sky.
And then focusing on the picture as a whole you see beauty, brokenness, and a bridge all within the same picture. A picture worth a thousand words. And now I find myself interpreting what this means. Why is the bridge so far away? Why is beauty and brokenness so close together? What is the story behind the brokenness and the beauty, or, what is the story behind the story?
I find this picture intriguing because it offers a simplified version of life in a community.
Yes, this is a common sight in the city of New Orleans. Abandoned houses next to perfectly livable houses. It was a hurricane that caused the separation between the beauty and the broken. Some people got through their brokenness, while others are still in it. As the abandoned houses get more broken, the livable houses keep going. God showed me what community was while I was down in New Orleans.
But what about the bridge? What does that mean? When you go over a large bridge you are usually exiting or entering a city. A city is a busy place usually. Life can be busy sometimes too. Do you ever have that moment where you think, “I just want to get out of here, away from it all. I just want a new surrounding, a place away from the busyness.” If you have; you might be looking for a bridge to cross, to get away from it all.
The bridge is something deeper than that though. The bridge is an escape towards a perfect place. I have to remind myself that this is earth, and earth is broken, and earthly things break, like houses. I look forward towards heaven, where nothing will be broken, everything will be beautiful and we get to worship that beauty. That’s how I view the bridge. A reminder that heaven is coming.
The church we partnered with in New Orleans, Castle Rock Community Church, is intentional at being a community of people. They recognize the brokenness, and show them beauty. They recognize the area around them and notice a need, and do their best to make things beautiful. God makes beautiful things. I mean, look at those flowers.
It was in New Orleans where I realized that this picture isn’t just specific to New Orleans but it can also be applied to any community. There is a need wherever you go. You can find places that have beauty and brokenness right across the street.
The community down there realizes the beauty in the brokenness and stemming from that realization they put themselves out there to make a community. A park that was notorious for drugs deal and shootings is now a safe place for kids to play and ride their bikes.
God also revealed to me that I have to recognize the brokenness in my own life and in order to eliminate that brokenness I have to eliminate the “do not disturb” sign I wear around my next, eliminate my pride, and reveal to the community my hurts and struggles. C.S. Lewis describes pride as the Great Sin. Pride is at the core of selfishness. I am a selfish person.
Jesus was the one that did life with the broken. Mark 2:17 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus goes to the broken and makes them beautiful. There is this rapper named Kanye West, and there is a line in one of his songs that I find absolutely beautiful. It goes, “To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers, even the strippers, Jesus walks with them” Think of the story of the Good Samaritan and the beauty of healing the broken.
Last, but not least. God revealed to me spiritual joy. I find myself smiling at random times during the day thinking about something that happened in New Orleans. I left Bethel with 9 people and came back with a community. We now tweet each other inside jokes, except three of you, who refuse to join the Twitter nation. Hashtag get at me.
New Orleans is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. That house in the middle of the picture is a beautiful place because it is broken. That brokenness represents vulnerability, openness, and an opportunity. Our life is this picture.
And there it is; New Orleans in exactly one thousand words. Thank You.
When I first saw this picture I thought nothing of it. I said, “well, that is New Orleans.” But usually when you look at a piece of art you think nothing of it until you stop and think about it for a while. Staring at it for a couple minutes also helps. I submit to you now that this is a piece of art.
Off in the distance, in the way back, the way way back, you see this bridge, tall and illustrious, leading to who knows where and you see power lines going somewhere and coming from somewhere.
At first, I see houses, many houses with roofs. Some of the houses look pretty decent while one, that white one right in the center of the picture, looks beat up, abandoned, and in need of help. The paint is chipping and some of the windows look broken.
A little closer now the houses look pretty well maintained. The siding looks good, the roof isn’t faded and the window has a screen over it to keep out bugs.
But then there is this awkward looking green and yellow hump on the top of the roof. After you look at it awhile you see that it is a bunch of yellow flowers blooming, showing off their beauty to earth and sky.
And then focusing on the picture as a whole you see beauty, brokenness, and a bridge all within the same picture. A picture worth a thousand words. And now I find myself interpreting what this means. Why is the bridge so far away? Why is beauty and brokenness so close together? What is the story behind the brokenness and the beauty, or, what is the story behind the story?
I find this picture intriguing because it offers a simplified version of life in a community.
Yes, this is a common sight in the city of New Orleans. Abandoned houses next to perfectly livable houses. It was a hurricane that caused the separation between the beauty and the broken. Some people got through their brokenness, while others are still in it. As the abandoned houses get more broken, the livable houses keep going. God showed me what community was while I was down in New Orleans.
But what about the bridge? What does that mean? When you go over a large bridge you are usually exiting or entering a city. A city is a busy place usually. Life can be busy sometimes too. Do you ever have that moment where you think, “I just want to get out of here, away from it all. I just want a new surrounding, a place away from the busyness.” If you have; you might be looking for a bridge to cross, to get away from it all.
The bridge is something deeper than that though. The bridge is an escape towards a perfect place. I have to remind myself that this is earth, and earth is broken, and earthly things break, like houses. I look forward towards heaven, where nothing will be broken, everything will be beautiful and we get to worship that beauty. That’s how I view the bridge. A reminder that heaven is coming.
The church we partnered with in New Orleans, Castle Rock Community Church, is intentional at being a community of people. They recognize the brokenness, and show them beauty. They recognize the area around them and notice a need, and do their best to make things beautiful. God makes beautiful things. I mean, look at those flowers.
It was in New Orleans where I realized that this picture isn’t just specific to New Orleans but it can also be applied to any community. There is a need wherever you go. You can find places that have beauty and brokenness right across the street.
The community down there realizes the beauty in the brokenness and stemming from that realization they put themselves out there to make a community. A park that was notorious for drugs deal and shootings is now a safe place for kids to play and ride their bikes.
God also revealed to me that I have to recognize the brokenness in my own life and in order to eliminate that brokenness I have to eliminate the “do not disturb” sign I wear around my next, eliminate my pride, and reveal to the community my hurts and struggles. C.S. Lewis describes pride as the Great Sin. Pride is at the core of selfishness. I am a selfish person.
Jesus was the one that did life with the broken. Mark 2:17 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus goes to the broken and makes them beautiful. There is this rapper named Kanye West, and there is a line in one of his songs that I find absolutely beautiful. It goes, “To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers, even the strippers, Jesus walks with them” Think of the story of the Good Samaritan and the beauty of healing the broken.
Last, but not least. God revealed to me spiritual joy. I find myself smiling at random times during the day thinking about something that happened in New Orleans. I left Bethel with 9 people and came back with a community. We now tweet each other inside jokes, except three of you, who refuse to join the Twitter nation. Hashtag get at me.
New Orleans is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. That house in the middle of the picture is a beautiful place because it is broken. That brokenness represents vulnerability, openness, and an opportunity. Our life is this picture.
And there it is; New Orleans in exactly one thousand words. Thank You.
April 07, 2012
April 04, 2012
Legacy
It's about 1:00am on Sunday night.
I had some pop about three hours ago. Big mistake, I'll be up all night probably.
So I bought the Gungor album and am sitting totally awake in a dark dorm room with new music playing through my headphones as my roommates sleep soundly. For those of you who ask; the Gungor album is pretty good so far, a good use of my gift card I got for Christmas. Thank you to whoever got that for me.
I have been haunted lately.
I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago while eating Chipotle that has caused this haunting. It went something like this:
FRIEND: "so what are you doing with the rest of your night?"
ME: "oh you know, changing the world." (said sarcastically, I actually had nothing to do)
FRIEND: "oh, and how would you do that?" (in a semi-serious manner)
ME: "um...(caught off guard)...I dunno...water. I would build wells...you know...people need water."
Graduation is a mere fifty-four days away.
When people ask me what it is like being a senior in college and if I am excited to graduate I usually reply by saying, "It's a little scary, but it's also exciting." It's true, the future is scary, but it is also exciting. New things in life can be exciting.
I have had a lot of thoughts about my future, you know, finding a job, that sort of thing.
I have also had a lot of thoughts about my past, and what I am leaving behind.
It is an emotional roller coaster; being a senior and all. Much more than I anticipated. I mean, I was a senior once already, how different can it be? I've had this great experience of committing four years of my life to learning a specific area and how to implement that into the real world. So it's exciting to look ahead at my potential in my future job market. It is also sad looking back at all the great memories I have had here at college and thinking about them leads to a small empty feeling and me almost crying.
It's like I'm not quite satisfied yet.
And there's more to it. Questions that pester me. What am I actually leaving behind? Have I changed at all? Has my community changed at all? Is my college experience to "normal" or to consistent? Have I just gone with the flow? What have I actually done in my time here? What kind of legacy am I leaving? Is it counter-intuitive?
That is the questions that have bugged me fifty-four days from graduation. Instead of letting them pass by or forget about them, I decided to confront them.
Head on.
And resulting from those questions I have come to a conclusion:
I want to change the world.
I want to do that by building a well.
Better yet, I want my community to change the world and I want us to do that by building a well. I want a community somewhere in the world to have fresh, clean water. I've gone all my life never having to travel far to get clean water, but there are people out there that have to travel hours back and forth, each day, just to get water that isn't even all that clean.
Now, for awhile I thought I was going crazy. I mean, who does this? Who tries to raise $5,000 so close to graduating? So I emailed my RA team, asking them if I was going crazy or if this was actually something worth pursuing.
They told me I should go for it and offered their suggestions and help.
The Holy Spirit must be real and must have a sense of humor. I thought for sure I was going nuts.
So now I am not only questioning my future and finding a job, but I am also putting into question my past and what I have done, or what I have to show, in my four years of college.
Later in life, when someone asks me about my college experience I would like to smile and tell them, "I had a great college experience. I met some great people and together we built a well for a community that now has access to clean water."
Ok, now I'm tearing up, stupid Gungor instrumental ending, why do you do this to me?
I had some pop about three hours ago. Big mistake, I'll be up all night probably.
So I bought the Gungor album and am sitting totally awake in a dark dorm room with new music playing through my headphones as my roommates sleep soundly. For those of you who ask; the Gungor album is pretty good so far, a good use of my gift card I got for Christmas. Thank you to whoever got that for me.
I have been haunted lately.
I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago while eating Chipotle that has caused this haunting. It went something like this:
FRIEND: "so what are you doing with the rest of your night?"
ME: "oh you know, changing the world." (said sarcastically, I actually had nothing to do)
FRIEND: "oh, and how would you do that?" (in a semi-serious manner)
ME: "um...(caught off guard)...I dunno...water. I would build wells...you know...people need water."
Graduation is a mere fifty-four days away.
When people ask me what it is like being a senior in college and if I am excited to graduate I usually reply by saying, "It's a little scary, but it's also exciting." It's true, the future is scary, but it is also exciting. New things in life can be exciting.
I have had a lot of thoughts about my future, you know, finding a job, that sort of thing.
I have also had a lot of thoughts about my past, and what I am leaving behind.
It is an emotional roller coaster; being a senior and all. Much more than I anticipated. I mean, I was a senior once already, how different can it be? I've had this great experience of committing four years of my life to learning a specific area and how to implement that into the real world. So it's exciting to look ahead at my potential in my future job market. It is also sad looking back at all the great memories I have had here at college and thinking about them leads to a small empty feeling and me almost crying.
It's like I'm not quite satisfied yet.
And there's more to it. Questions that pester me. What am I actually leaving behind? Have I changed at all? Has my community changed at all? Is my college experience to "normal" or to consistent? Have I just gone with the flow? What have I actually done in my time here? What kind of legacy am I leaving? Is it counter-intuitive?
That is the questions that have bugged me fifty-four days from graduation. Instead of letting them pass by or forget about them, I decided to confront them.
Head on.
And resulting from those questions I have come to a conclusion:
I want to change the world.
I want to do that by building a well.
Better yet, I want my community to change the world and I want us to do that by building a well. I want a community somewhere in the world to have fresh, clean water. I've gone all my life never having to travel far to get clean water, but there are people out there that have to travel hours back and forth, each day, just to get water that isn't even all that clean.
Now, for awhile I thought I was going crazy. I mean, who does this? Who tries to raise $5,000 so close to graduating? So I emailed my RA team, asking them if I was going crazy or if this was actually something worth pursuing.
They told me I should go for it and offered their suggestions and help.
The Holy Spirit must be real and must have a sense of humor. I thought for sure I was going nuts.
So now I am not only questioning my future and finding a job, but I am also putting into question my past and what I have done, or what I have to show, in my four years of college.
Later in life, when someone asks me about my college experience I would like to smile and tell them, "I had a great college experience. I met some great people and together we built a well for a community that now has access to clean water."
Ok, now I'm tearing up, stupid Gungor instrumental ending, why do you do this to me?
March 31, 2012
Song of the Week 3-31-12
They played this song at the end of the NeedToBreathe concert. It's got a good beat.
March 24, 2012
Saturday : Endings
Let it be known this will be my last N.O. posting for Spring Break.
We got up and ate breakfast at 9:30. I had a cinnamon roll. It was delicious.
Its hard to think that for spring break we drove for six days, and worked for five. A little silly if you ask me.
The bonding in the car, however, is not silly. I love the team. I LOVE the team. Not in the mushy love sort of way but in the family kind of way. I feel like I can live life with these people.
I forgot to finish this yesterday so ill finish it now. We're currently driving through Iowa and should be home in a few hours.
All I see are fields and wind turbines.
Yesterday we had a good drive from Tennessee to Iowa. We had a rap battle between both vans. The van I was in won! The battle took place outside a Mcdonalds in Iowa City.
After that it wasn't much longer until the hotel. We got there early enough before the pool closed so we just hung out there and chatted. Then we played a game in the lobby until about one in the morning.
I'm still processing what happened in New Orleans. So much information in so little time takes me awhile to process. I'm still thinking of ways to implement what I learned into my community.
The windmills of Iowa are spinning.
I guess as long as there is wind those turbines will keep spinning and as long as there is air in my lungs I will keep living.
But how then shall I live?
What should I do with my time?
Where am I called?
And as we keep traveling down the roads of Iowa so to do I travel down the road of life. What is passed is behind me and the direction ahead is the only thing I control.
Iowa can teach lessons of endings, of beginnings, and everything in-between.
Picture : the Mcdonalds theme in Iowa where the rap battle took place.
Friday : Humbled
On Friday I did the same work that I did on Thursday except for a shorter amount of time.
I did not do much. Most of it was cleaning up for the group next week.
For lunch was gumbo. Basically shrimp and sausage and rice with other miscellaneous ingredients.
I played basketball with some people from the team and smaller kids. That was a lot of fun.
When we got back the team cleaned and packed up and loaded the cars. We then got a tour of the lower ninth ward, the area that you can still see the effect of hurricane Katrina.
It was a humbling experience, one that made me feel very blessed to have the house that I do and live in the location I am in.
Around the lower ninth ward you can see houses with X's on them. This was the marking they made after searching the houses after Katrina. In one corner was the date, another was the organization, another was how many bodies or animals they found. It's a symbol that causes a silence amongst a crowd.
It is interesting, the power behind a symbol after you learn the context.
After that we dropped off the guys that gave us the tour, Jolly and Joe, who I had gotten to know throughout the week.
Then we hit the road.
Then we hit traffic.
Eventually we made it to Memphis, Tennessee. Well, actually a little north of Memphis because I made the mistake of booking the hotel without looking at the specific location.
Then we slept.
I'm writing this on Saturday, so now ill write that on another blog.
March 22, 2012
Thursday : Smiles
Today I did some easier work. I put in the outside tracks for a future drop ceiling.
It was downpouring today, which again meant no challenge circle. I was looking forward to that but it just didn't happen. It was two years ago where I broke out and lived life during challenge circle. It was where I sang falsetto that "all people are sinful" and made everyone do the spider-man dance. But that was not happening this year.
So I drew semi-straight lines nine feet above the floor, using a pencil and level, and screwed in some nuts to hold those runners for the drop ceiling. I learned my lesson from the day before and did pilot holes, which made things go smoother for me. So that's what I did today.
It rained pretty much all day. It's currently thunderstorming.
Immediately after that some of us went to a thrift store near by. There were some funny clothes there for cheap. I tried on a very weird pajama thing and got my picture taken. Other people got other cool clothes including an orange jumpsuit, belly shirt, and fish shirt.
We had free time again today. We.weren't sure what to do so we hopped in the van and got ice cream again. The other teams that were working with us also came. We took funny pictures of ourselves. By funny, I mean pictures that I can't describe what we did other than it being so great. We shared lots of laughs.
After that the puddles were huge along the curbs of New Orleans. Two of the girls decided to walk through the puddles. Then two of the boys, after changing, decided to dive through the puddles. Then others joined, then I joined. Then we played football.
It was a good moment of life. Holding onto those moments of spontanious stupid fun is worth getting muddy and soaking wet and getting a gash on my ankle. I had so much fun running through the grass then diving into a puddle and sliding across the yard.
We had to clean the showers afterwards because of the grass and water we brought in; a small price to pay for the fun that occurred.
And that was my moment; something of a highpoint for Spring Break. It was a connection of people coming together to do something fun and crazy and I embraced it.
I wish I smiled more. I admire people who always are smiling about something. Its such a pleasant feeling. I mean, I am smiling while writing this right now. I feel like its the smiling people that do the spontanious things first.
I got scrapes and blisters on my hands and feet, I feel dirty, sweaty, and that my acne is about to act up, but I am still laughing, smiling, and having a blast.
Its the people around you that make life what it is; not booze or drugs or woman. That's one problem with Bourbon street; the right people aren't there to make genuine fun.
The night ended in me friend requesting the team from Wisconsin.
We leave tomorrow. There was talk of our team still meeting together weekly after the trip.
There was an appreciation said about how great the people here are.
The progress of our work can be clearly seen throughout the building.
My goal is to bring what I've learned and embrace that into what I have left in college; and maybe beyond.
But we hit the road tomorrow after doing a half day of work. Now off to bed.
Picture: my spot in the kitchen tonight. Using someones charger again. Not sure whose it is.
March 21, 2012
Wednesday : Manhood
Today it rained, which means no blight busting (yard work) and no challenge circle (awana). Both sad.
Instead I worked inside the new church building. I was supposed to work on paint crew but got quickly switched to another team.
I got to tear down an old door frame and put up a new frame for a window. I've had experience in neither of these so I was pretty bad at it. I used a crowbar, hammer, and power drills.
Tearing stuff down is a lot more fun than building something up.
I got to swing at that door frame with all I had and eventually it gave way and crumbled. With a little help from others of course. The steel from the door frame was put on the side of the building for a guy to take later so he could make some money.
Then we had to build a frame for a window. This involved cutting stuff and drilling stuff. I was no good at drilling through metal studs and tracks.
I felt so demasculated.
I either applied too much pressure or went too fast on the drill. I could never find the right touch. The worst was when I had to screw something in an awkward position and couldn't get enough power on the drill. I felt so weak, so unmanly, because the guy who was in charge of us, Scott, could do it all with ease.
I got frustrated. I couldn't do the simple task of screwing in a screw with a power drill. I mean, come on, I'm 22. Shouldn't my brain be good at this by now? Shouldn't my muscles be able to do this? I had to.walk away a couple of times out of frustration.
So yeah, I was down, but looking back now I feel accomplished. I mean, not everybody does that in their lifetime. So yeah, I felt like I lost my manhood, then regained it.
So that's what I did all day today.
We had a long lunch. The rain was so hard that the power went out so we played Ninja. It's a fun game.
We had southern cooking tonight. Rice and beans. It was hot! I didn't mind it though.
After dinner we went to the French Quarter again. We walked a bit in the rain. I also had beignets again from Cafe du Monde. Also walked down Bourbon street again.
Now I'm sitting in the kitchen wearing my "I <3 N.O." shirt, stealing power from someones charger because my phone is out of battery, and waiting for laundry to be done.
My night owl-ness can not be broken.
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