30.30 | This is the end of the month-a-day of blog postings. I missed one day but made up for it by doing two in a one day.
After about the tenth blog I felt like the rest of them would start to lose their value or content. One, because I don't think I was putting enough effort or heart into them and two, because I think one every day seems to make it a little more like a chore.
Anyways my goal is too lay low for a month. Not post anything for awhile or maybe just change the style of the writing.
This should be my 96th post ever. Post #100 will be a thank you to many people who have inspired blogs or encouraged me throughout the process and maybe even some stats because I like stats and those are fun. See ya again in 2010.
November 30, 2009
The Inbetween
29.30 | I was talking to a friend of mine who was preparing to go to college. They felt the same way I felt when first going to college. They were scared, but excited. I talked to them about my experiences of the college life. I told them it was wonderful, emotional, terrible, yet amazing. I told them about my uniquely wonderful roommates and how lucky I am to have them. They wonderfully described college as the "in between" time. I liked that description. You're right in between that time of childhood and adulthood. I think you could ask any older adult now and they could recount their college experiences very well. I wonder why that is? I guess this is time where you grow and become who you are going to become for the rest of your life. Everything about you gets questioned in college. Morals, opinions, habits, pet peeves, and priorities for starters.
Someone asked me how the whole college experience was once. I thought about it awhile and replied to them, "emotional." I'm not sure why I said that but it was true. College has been an emotional time. My friend described it as a roller-coaster, which I find brilliantly intriguing and true. Sometimes you feel like your about to fall out your seat and other times you feel so much joy that you scream at the top of your lungs.
College has seemed to become a time where you choose who you want to become and what kind of story you want to live. It is a time where we learn to do hard things and make tough decisions. It is where some people get an F for the first time ever and some people do something they've never done before. I like college and what it prepares you for and the experiences it brings to you.
Relient K - College Kids
Someone asked me how the whole college experience was once. I thought about it awhile and replied to them, "emotional." I'm not sure why I said that but it was true. College has been an emotional time. My friend described it as a roller-coaster, which I find brilliantly intriguing and true. Sometimes you feel like your about to fall out your seat and other times you feel so much joy that you scream at the top of your lungs.
College has seemed to become a time where you choose who you want to become and what kind of story you want to live. It is a time where we learn to do hard things and make tough decisions. It is where some people get an F for the first time ever and some people do something they've never done before. I like college and what it prepares you for and the experiences it brings to you.
Relient K - College Kids
Mission Statement
28.30 | My life is in need of consistent refocusing. A constant center for which I can base all other things in life. I want to share with you the mission statement of my life. It's just a chapter out of the Bible and it is usually share when talking about love but I think this chapter is much more than that. The thing that always brings me back to a focus point is the part about the mirror. How when in the low points of the roller coaster of life we are but a poor reflection in the mirror and how we know only a part of who we are, even though we seem to fully know ourselves.
I think of it as if we know what we can become but just have yet to reach it. That in this low point of the roller coaster ride we have yet to reach full potential. I usually ask myself how I got in this low state or why I got there.
It usually all comes back to me putting God in the back seat and trying to do things my own way and in doing this I get my poor reflection. I tend to over-analyze things and that makes things complicated sometimes. I've learned that becoming a reflection of Jesus usually involves a simple task and a leap of faith.
I Corinthians 13:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I think of it as if we know what we can become but just have yet to reach it. That in this low point of the roller coaster ride we have yet to reach full potential. I usually ask myself how I got in this low state or why I got there.
It usually all comes back to me putting God in the back seat and trying to do things my own way and in doing this I get my poor reflection. I tend to over-analyze things and that makes things complicated sometimes. I've learned that becoming a reflection of Jesus usually involves a simple task and a leap of faith.
I Corinthians 13:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
November 29, 2009
Quote
27.30 | My mom told me this quote once. Thought I'd share it with y'all.
"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
November 27, 2009
Hopeful
26.30 | A story from awhile ago...
"You can always hope"
A quote from my roommate. We were in the middle of pulling an all-nighter programming computer code for our GigaPet project. As we struggled and struggled to get it to work our hope was quickly fading away. It was like solving a puzzle with all the pieces being the same color. So there we were, conserving the last sips of Coke we had just to maintain energy and there I am hopeless.
"I don't think we can do this," I blurted out.
And then he said it. One of the most uplifting things I've heard in quite some time. It opened my eyes, lifted my spirit.
That was a time of hope. The renewal of my body and soul. A light in the dark. A flower in the thorns. I was perfectly still and soothed just because I can always hope.
"You can always hope"
A quote from my roommate. We were in the middle of pulling an all-nighter programming computer code for our GigaPet project. As we struggled and struggled to get it to work our hope was quickly fading away. It was like solving a puzzle with all the pieces being the same color. So there we were, conserving the last sips of Coke we had just to maintain energy and there I am hopeless.
"I don't think we can do this," I blurted out.
And then he said it. One of the most uplifting things I've heard in quite some time. It opened my eyes, lifted my spirit.
That was a time of hope. The renewal of my body and soul. A light in the dark. A flower in the thorns. I was perfectly still and soothed just because I can always hope.
November 26, 2009
Hand Turkey
25.30 | It's Thanksgiving. Go watch some football or make some hand turkey like you used to in Jr. High. Happy Turkey Day!
Intimate With Jesus
24.30 | Well, I thought about writing about being intimate with Jesus before being intimate with someone else and now my good friend wrote about it (click here) after one of his friends wrote about it (click here) and since their words are better than mine I'm going to be the lazy one and copy and paste it into here.
So this idea is kind of playing off of my friend Gabby’s blog, but I guess it is slightly different and maybe even taking her thoughts a bit further. If you don’t want to read her blog, she basically argues that relationships are a gift from God, and we shouldn’t think that God is merely waiting for us “to be content in Him” before He gives us one. She talks about how God blesses people who aren’t necessarily content in Him and may be seeking contentment in relationships with relationships, while not giving people who are only seeking contentment in Him one. She says that we do nothing to merit a relationship, and I think she is right.
However, she talks more about the relationship part, and I am going to talk about the seeking contentment in God part. She quotes a girl she overheard saying, “I realized that before I can be in a relationship, I have to be content in God first.”
I pity with a thousand pities the one who ever is content in God. I would think the one who is content in God does not even know God. How could someone ever be content in a being like this when we continue to desire to know our friends and boyfriends and wives better?
I pray that I am never content in God. I pray that until the day my arms are around My Savior I am never fulfilled, but that with each passing moment my hunger and thirst and passions are always wanting more of Jesus. Indeed I would trade a thousand worlds of contentedness for one world of being discontent, if only I may know the heart of My God so intimately that when I behold His face in all of its glory, it will not be as an estranged son coming home, but as a bride being presented before my lover in the most romantic and joyous of wedding ceremonies to ever grace eternity.
I very well could be wrong, but I am not aware of any verse in the Bible that says to be content in God. However, I know many verses about seeking Him and longing for Him and following Him and pursuing Him alone. Therefore, as long as I have life in my heart I will not seek contentment, but only God, and God not as an end, but as a love that knows no limits.
That said, I would encourage everyone who thinks they need to be content in God before having a relationship to think again. I would hope that even in a relationship you are never content in God. As my friend Gabby so simply and profoundly puts, “Love the Lord whether or not you get a relationship in the end. Pursue Him heart and soul.”
Josh
So this idea is kind of playing off of my friend Gabby’s blog, but I guess it is slightly different and maybe even taking her thoughts a bit further. If you don’t want to read her blog, she basically argues that relationships are a gift from God, and we shouldn’t think that God is merely waiting for us “to be content in Him” before He gives us one. She talks about how God blesses people who aren’t necessarily content in Him and may be seeking contentment in relationships with relationships, while not giving people who are only seeking contentment in Him one. She says that we do nothing to merit a relationship, and I think she is right.
However, she talks more about the relationship part, and I am going to talk about the seeking contentment in God part. She quotes a girl she overheard saying, “I realized that before I can be in a relationship, I have to be content in God first.”
I pity with a thousand pities the one who ever is content in God. I would think the one who is content in God does not even know God. How could someone ever be content in a being like this when we continue to desire to know our friends and boyfriends and wives better?
I pray that I am never content in God. I pray that until the day my arms are around My Savior I am never fulfilled, but that with each passing moment my hunger and thirst and passions are always wanting more of Jesus. Indeed I would trade a thousand worlds of contentedness for one world of being discontent, if only I may know the heart of My God so intimately that when I behold His face in all of its glory, it will not be as an estranged son coming home, but as a bride being presented before my lover in the most romantic and joyous of wedding ceremonies to ever grace eternity.
I very well could be wrong, but I am not aware of any verse in the Bible that says to be content in God. However, I know many verses about seeking Him and longing for Him and following Him and pursuing Him alone. Therefore, as long as I have life in my heart I will not seek contentment, but only God, and God not as an end, but as a love that knows no limits.
That said, I would encourage everyone who thinks they need to be content in God before having a relationship to think again. I would hope that even in a relationship you are never content in God. As my friend Gabby so simply and profoundly puts, “Love the Lord whether or not you get a relationship in the end. Pursue Him heart and soul.”
Josh
November 24, 2009
It Rained Today
23.30 | It rained today in Minnesota but that doesn't have anything to do with this post really. I thought back to last year when I went to a church service outside and it was pretty cool.
Church should always be outside, but only if the weather permits. One of the joys of having consistent, non-personality Texas weather I guess. The church I attend had church outside today.
So there I was sitting on a blanket and singing along with David Crowder. I would look around and see all these trees swaying in the wind and all these birds chirping. At that point the worship wasn't about the words of the song but just seeing the beauty all around. At that moment, you didn't have to sing along just to worship with a community.
One song they sang was "You Alone." Near the end of the song there is a big crescendo and they start singing, "I'm alive!" over and over again. I have sung that song many times before but being outside made it a very different experience for me. Being "alive" at that point was more than being inside a church but rather being outside, enjoying the weather. I felt like I was actually "living" instead of just going through the motions.
There wasn't a sermon at this service. Just a couple songs, people getting baptized, and communion and I liked that.
I still remember the blanket I sat on. It had strawberries on it.
Church should always be outside, but only if the weather permits. One of the joys of having consistent, non-personality Texas weather I guess. The church I attend had church outside today.
So there I was sitting on a blanket and singing along with David Crowder. I would look around and see all these trees swaying in the wind and all these birds chirping. At that point the worship wasn't about the words of the song but just seeing the beauty all around. At that moment, you didn't have to sing along just to worship with a community.
One song they sang was "You Alone." Near the end of the song there is a big crescendo and they start singing, "I'm alive!" over and over again. I have sung that song many times before but being outside made it a very different experience for me. Being "alive" at that point was more than being inside a church but rather being outside, enjoying the weather. I felt like I was actually "living" instead of just going through the motions.
There wasn't a sermon at this service. Just a couple songs, people getting baptized, and communion and I liked that.
I still remember the blanket I sat on. It had strawberries on it.
November 23, 2009
Cliché
22.30 | We talked about some cliché moments in my film class today.
The dictionary defines it as a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.
I have been thinking about a cliché saying lately. It is the one when your friend says to you, "don't worry, some day you will find the perfect person and it will catch you by surprise," or "they're plenty of fish in the sea."
I have found that to become a cliché saying. I think it has lost its value. I have caught myself saying that kind of stuff to other people too. Now I don't like saying it because I don't like hearing it.
That's about it. Hopefully this is another one of those blogs where the comments go on longer than the actual blog. (hint hint, wink wink)
The dictionary defines it as a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.
I have been thinking about a cliché saying lately. It is the one when your friend says to you, "don't worry, some day you will find the perfect person and it will catch you by surprise," or "they're plenty of fish in the sea."
I have found that to become a cliché saying. I think it has lost its value. I have caught myself saying that kind of stuff to other people too. Now I don't like saying it because I don't like hearing it.
That's about it. Hopefully this is another one of those blogs where the comments go on longer than the actual blog. (hint hint, wink wink)
November 22, 2009
Woman
21.30 | Over the past couples of years I have become a sucker for the orchestra strings in music. You know, violins, cellos, and the like. I think it is beautiful when they come together and play.
Lately I've told a lot of people that it takes me five minutes to get a crush on a girl and that is true but I don't know why or how that happens. It's almost the same thing that Donald Miller describes in "Blue Like Jazz." Of course, this doesn't happen all the time but sometimes within the first couple of minutes I can imagine something.
The band Copeland would say that "I'm A Sucker For A Kind Word" and that is true. Usually if a woman compliments me I'll be impressed and therefore "fall in love" with them. Copeland also says that "Love Is A Fast Song" and I don't agree with that.
I think love is slow and beautiful just like string music is slow and beautiful. I don't think love is a fast song, rather I think it is a beautiful composition with excitement, mystery, and slow-dancing.
I talked to a friend about falling in love. I told him how I fell into a trap of believing the movies. That in the span of a couple hours or days I would fall in love with a gorgeous girl, sweep her off her feet, and ride off into the sunset. He told me we all wish it would happen like the movies. He told me not to freak out about my non-movie love life. He told me to take a step back and stop being afraid.
I don't know what woman are in this string orchestra analogy. Woman are either the strings, the people that play the strings, maybe the conductor, or maybe something else but when I thought of this idea in the car I imagined this blog as having the title "Woman" so there ya go.
My friend who rarely reads this blog has convinced herself that every word I write in this blog is about some certain someone somewhere that I am in love with. Even when I try to tell her how not all of them are about woman she says to me, "No Matt, you can only write about woman, it's always about a woman." I don't know if she is joking or if she is serious.
When I hear some violin music that I like it is inspiring. When I got the idea for this blog I was listening to some OneRepublic and that type of music was playing. I was driving back to Bethel, this music was beautiful and it was one of those moments where thoughts come so slowly and so basic and then you just expand on that thought.
Then the song ends, but the thoughts continue...
Lately I've told a lot of people that it takes me five minutes to get a crush on a girl and that is true but I don't know why or how that happens. It's almost the same thing that Donald Miller describes in "Blue Like Jazz." Of course, this doesn't happen all the time but sometimes within the first couple of minutes I can imagine something.
The band Copeland would say that "I'm A Sucker For A Kind Word" and that is true. Usually if a woman compliments me I'll be impressed and therefore "fall in love" with them. Copeland also says that "Love Is A Fast Song" and I don't agree with that.
I think love is slow and beautiful just like string music is slow and beautiful. I don't think love is a fast song, rather I think it is a beautiful composition with excitement, mystery, and slow-dancing.
I talked to a friend about falling in love. I told him how I fell into a trap of believing the movies. That in the span of a couple hours or days I would fall in love with a gorgeous girl, sweep her off her feet, and ride off into the sunset. He told me we all wish it would happen like the movies. He told me not to freak out about my non-movie love life. He told me to take a step back and stop being afraid.
I don't know what woman are in this string orchestra analogy. Woman are either the strings, the people that play the strings, maybe the conductor, or maybe something else but when I thought of this idea in the car I imagined this blog as having the title "Woman" so there ya go.
My friend who rarely reads this blog has convinced herself that every word I write in this blog is about some certain someone somewhere that I am in love with. Even when I try to tell her how not all of them are about woman she says to me, "No Matt, you can only write about woman, it's always about a woman." I don't know if she is joking or if she is serious.
When I hear some violin music that I like it is inspiring. When I got the idea for this blog I was listening to some OneRepublic and that type of music was playing. I was driving back to Bethel, this music was beautiful and it was one of those moments where thoughts come so slowly and so basic and then you just expand on that thought.
Then the song ends, but the thoughts continue...
Thoughts about Modern Age
20.30 | Couple of weeks ago I started wondering what life would be like without cars. By just cars I mean just the car. We still have motor boats and airplanes. And by no cars I mean no land vehicles such as hovercrafts and go karts.
I imagined this because I am not sure how it would be. Half the stuff I like to do is in car distance. If I want to go to downtown St. Paul it would be quite a long walk and a pretty exhausting bike ride. I think life without cars would enhance community a lot more. I think there would be a lot more gardens, greenhouses, and churches. I think people would be more community oriented too.
We would all probably be a lot slimmer to because we would walk a lot more. I think plane rides would be more of an adventure and trips would become more fun.
Mail would come a lot slower, but would be a lot more special. I think you would get less mail though. Orderng packages would be a big hassle. But no big deal I guess.
Just some thoughts about a car-less world...
I imagined this because I am not sure how it would be. Half the stuff I like to do is in car distance. If I want to go to downtown St. Paul it would be quite a long walk and a pretty exhausting bike ride. I think life without cars would enhance community a lot more. I think there would be a lot more gardens, greenhouses, and churches. I think people would be more community oriented too.
We would all probably be a lot slimmer to because we would walk a lot more. I think plane rides would be more of an adventure and trips would become more fun.
Mail would come a lot slower, but would be a lot more special. I think you would get less mail though. Orderng packages would be a big hassle. But no big deal I guess.
Just some thoughts about a car-less world...
November 20, 2009
Missing Texas
19.30 | Tonight I think I finally figured out why I went to Baylor and why I miss it at times.
I think it might be because I was on the outside. I was a thousand miles away from home and it was just me. It was a new experience and a new adventure. It was what I dreamed of doing. I dreamed of changing people, changing campus, meeting wonderful people, and possibly love. I imagined a different life for myself. Something that was away from what I was known for back home. Something where I could become someone, and become someone I wanted to be. I thought of Baylor as a place I could expand and grow and where sky was the limit. I planned on being there for four years. I was planning on transferring like my older siblings.
I had a dream awhile ago that I actually ended up going back to Baylor. In my dream I had actually transferred back to the university I transferred from. I was there for a week and then in one swift movement everything that I hated came to me, brought me to my knees, and made me weep.
Yet I still miss it at times.
I miss the culture, the weather, the people, the non-Minnesota nice, the crappy food, the smelly water, the hot sun, the dry grass, the awkward moments with people, the large campus, the tray-less dining center, the Bear Pit, Dr. Pepper Hour, watching hippies climb trees, the long walks, the cool nights, the sports games, Sonic, and even that weird Helen Keller billboard.
And yet it took me this long to see this.
Don't get me wrong I'm happy with my choice to come back home to Bethel it's just that I think I miss the experience of a new story. It's almost as if I feel like I am living a story I have already been through. This is why I am excited for New Orleans because I am going back down south and it's another chapter in a story, my story.
I think the only thing that was missing at Baylor was support or a fall back plan. I had much support from friends but they were all over a thousand miles away so then I started missing a physical touch. I still remember my first hug at Baylor and how new it felt.
Bethel is grand. The people seem real. I have support and some people I can fall back on. Now the new experience is missing. So I am searching and learning how to live a better story.
Texas, I shall see you again some day.
I think it might be because I was on the outside. I was a thousand miles away from home and it was just me. It was a new experience and a new adventure. It was what I dreamed of doing. I dreamed of changing people, changing campus, meeting wonderful people, and possibly love. I imagined a different life for myself. Something that was away from what I was known for back home. Something where I could become someone, and become someone I wanted to be. I thought of Baylor as a place I could expand and grow and where sky was the limit. I planned on being there for four years. I was planning on transferring like my older siblings.
I had a dream awhile ago that I actually ended up going back to Baylor. In my dream I had actually transferred back to the university I transferred from. I was there for a week and then in one swift movement everything that I hated came to me, brought me to my knees, and made me weep.
Yet I still miss it at times.
I miss the culture, the weather, the people, the non-Minnesota nice, the crappy food, the smelly water, the hot sun, the dry grass, the awkward moments with people, the large campus, the tray-less dining center, the Bear Pit, Dr. Pepper Hour, watching hippies climb trees, the long walks, the cool nights, the sports games, Sonic, and even that weird Helen Keller billboard.
And yet it took me this long to see this.
Don't get me wrong I'm happy with my choice to come back home to Bethel it's just that I think I miss the experience of a new story. It's almost as if I feel like I am living a story I have already been through. This is why I am excited for New Orleans because I am going back down south and it's another chapter in a story, my story.
I think the only thing that was missing at Baylor was support or a fall back plan. I had much support from friends but they were all over a thousand miles away so then I started missing a physical touch. I still remember my first hug at Baylor and how new it felt.
Bethel is grand. The people seem real. I have support and some people I can fall back on. Now the new experience is missing. So I am searching and learning how to live a better story.
Texas, I shall see you again some day.
Because When You Miss A Day...
18.30 | Ok, I didn't do one last night. I'm human. So here is a song that I've been listening to lately. I didn't make the video but this one had the best sound quality.
Throughout everything, we shall keep marching on!
Throughout everything, we shall keep marching on!
November 18, 2009
You Can Always Escape
17.30 | I watched "I Know What You Did Last Summer" over Spring Break last year. It is a funny movie if you have never seen it. I noticed something at the end of the movie when the people are running away from the killer.
There is always an escape route.
When all hope seemed lost somehow this person would find another little room to go into to run away from the killer. It seemed like a never ending pattern of them running into one room, locking the door behind them, realizing they are stuck, then at the last second finding another place to run away even more. I told you it was funny.
So I guess life lesson learned for this is that there is always an escape route. I consider myself a blessed person because I consistently find escape routes in life.
There is always an escape route.
When all hope seemed lost somehow this person would find another little room to go into to run away from the killer. It seemed like a never ending pattern of them running into one room, locking the door behind them, realizing they are stuck, then at the last second finding another place to run away even more. I told you it was funny.
So I guess life lesson learned for this is that there is always an escape route. I consider myself a blessed person because I consistently find escape routes in life.
November 17, 2009
Things Learned On A Run
16.30 | I went for a run during the summer time and I went on a path that I had not been down in a long time. It made me recall places from my early childhood.
I saw places where I crashed my bike throughout the years. The first where I was going to fast and didn't the turn over the hill so I went straight into the leaves and probably scabbed my knee. The second where I was going really fast down the hill and people popped up all of a sudden and I crashed into the leaves. That was probably my softest crash ever.
It reminded me of Batman and a good quote from that movie. "Why do we fall down? So we learn how to pick ourselves back up."
As I was running I realized how fast cars seem at 30 miles per hour. When I go thirty in a car I feel like thick syrup falling off a spoon. When I was running though thirty miles an hour looks really fast. I enjoyed running slower at that moment and decided that we all need to slow down and not let life rush us by.
There is a Jack Johnson song that says,
"Slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that"
I don't know why but I like that line.
When I was running everything seemed a lot smaller than what they used to be when I was a child.
"The big hill" wasn't so big anymore.
That other hill we went super fast down doesn't seem to fast now.
Those long bike rides don't seem so long.
The beauty is still the same.
The lake is dried up.
The geese aren't around in the usual spot they were.
The grass doesn't seem as green.
The baseball field doesn't seem as big.
The tennis courts don't seem as far.
Things seemed to change as I have gotten older. The world seems much bigger now than what it used to be. What once was fantastic is now just average.
When we fall everything changes. After my first bike crash I would slow down a lot when I got to that corner. We still get up again and our scabbed knees heal but the memory still seems to be there.
Growing up seems to expands our knowledge of what the world is like. It seems to make what once was great seem not-so-great anymore. This seems to happen with God too. When I learn more about Him what I thought was amazing gets blown apart and now I can't even fathom what He is like. I don't think our knowledge can even comprehend who God is. All I know is that the more I learn, a new kind of amazing gets put in my brain and makes the old amazement seem disappointing.
So this goes out to running and to replacing amazement...
I saw places where I crashed my bike throughout the years. The first where I was going to fast and didn't the turn over the hill so I went straight into the leaves and probably scabbed my knee. The second where I was going really fast down the hill and people popped up all of a sudden and I crashed into the leaves. That was probably my softest crash ever.
It reminded me of Batman and a good quote from that movie. "Why do we fall down? So we learn how to pick ourselves back up."
As I was running I realized how fast cars seem at 30 miles per hour. When I go thirty in a car I feel like thick syrup falling off a spoon. When I was running though thirty miles an hour looks really fast. I enjoyed running slower at that moment and decided that we all need to slow down and not let life rush us by.
There is a Jack Johnson song that says,
"Slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that"
I don't know why but I like that line.
When I was running everything seemed a lot smaller than what they used to be when I was a child.
"The big hill" wasn't so big anymore.
That other hill we went super fast down doesn't seem to fast now.
Those long bike rides don't seem so long.
The beauty is still the same.
The lake is dried up.
The geese aren't around in the usual spot they were.
The grass doesn't seem as green.
The baseball field doesn't seem as big.
The tennis courts don't seem as far.
Things seemed to change as I have gotten older. The world seems much bigger now than what it used to be. What once was fantastic is now just average.
When we fall everything changes. After my first bike crash I would slow down a lot when I got to that corner. We still get up again and our scabbed knees heal but the memory still seems to be there.
Growing up seems to expands our knowledge of what the world is like. It seems to make what once was great seem not-so-great anymore. This seems to happen with God too. When I learn more about Him what I thought was amazing gets blown apart and now I can't even fathom what He is like. I don't think our knowledge can even comprehend who God is. All I know is that the more I learn, a new kind of amazing gets put in my brain and makes the old amazement seem disappointing.
So this goes out to running and to replacing amazement...
Magic
15.30 | There was supposed to a meteor shower tonight and even though I thought I saw a couple of falling meteors I didn't see much. I was a little disappointed but I was reminded of a couple of other things that I did awhile back.
Late in the Summer I went driving around downtown St. Paul with a few friends. It was a beautiful night for a drive in the Mustang convertible. The city is a beautiful place and I wouldn't mind living in a place like that someday. We drove by the St. Paul Cathedral and the State Capitol.
The city lights with the combination of the music made it wonderful. At that moment the music was magic. The bass didn't matter. The treble didn't matter. It was just music and words to a tune. The city lights and the cool Minnesota summer air added to the serenity of the night. Skyscrapers where you had to look straight up in order to see the top against the large black backdrop were more amazing than before.
Magic tricks. They say they are just an illusion. So what makes one night more spectacular than the other one? Is it all just an illusion to our own imagination or is it something more than magic?
A night like this doesn't just come along by chance or luck. There are too many factors that cannot be explained to just happen by chance. The time, the weather, the day, the music, the lights, and the sights. This was no magic but something more, something powerful, some kind of Creator.
Later that summer I was with the same friends in the middle of a lake in the middle of the night watching the stars. It wasn't just the stars but it was the whole Milky way. The bonus was that the moon wasn't out so it made the stars shine even more. It was a canvas of white dots painted all over. I had never seen so many stars before. My friends and I sat there looking at the sky for a good hour.
That was magic and that was no illusion.
Late in the Summer I went driving around downtown St. Paul with a few friends. It was a beautiful night for a drive in the Mustang convertible. The city is a beautiful place and I wouldn't mind living in a place like that someday. We drove by the St. Paul Cathedral and the State Capitol.
The city lights with the combination of the music made it wonderful. At that moment the music was magic. The bass didn't matter. The treble didn't matter. It was just music and words to a tune. The city lights and the cool Minnesota summer air added to the serenity of the night. Skyscrapers where you had to look straight up in order to see the top against the large black backdrop were more amazing than before.
Magic tricks. They say they are just an illusion. So what makes one night more spectacular than the other one? Is it all just an illusion to our own imagination or is it something more than magic?
A night like this doesn't just come along by chance or luck. There are too many factors that cannot be explained to just happen by chance. The time, the weather, the day, the music, the lights, and the sights. This was no magic but something more, something powerful, some kind of Creator.
Later that summer I was with the same friends in the middle of a lake in the middle of the night watching the stars. It wasn't just the stars but it was the whole Milky way. The bonus was that the moon wasn't out so it made the stars shine even more. It was a canvas of white dots painted all over. I had never seen so many stars before. My friends and I sat there looking at the sky for a good hour.
That was magic and that was no illusion.
November 16, 2009
Moments of Jesus-reflection
14.30 | The thought that Jesus was shorter than me is kind of weird...
I think about what Jesus would do in today's society and I get confused because I don't know what kind of car He would drive or if He would have a car at all...
Jesus was the ultimate hero because He put others before himself...
I wonder how many followers Jesus would have on Twitter...
Would Jesus even have a Twitter?
Jesus is a manly-man on many levels...
I wonder what the equivalent to the washing of the feet would be in modern times?
Would it still be the washing of the feet?
Would Jesus ever considering something sexy?
Would Jesus prefer Coke or Pepsi?
When I think of Jesus as a child I think of Him as scraping his knee a lot...
Jesus would seem to always be participating in no-shave November...
I think Jesus would've been a blogger or someone would've blogged for him...
I think haven't wrapped my mind around the suffering of Jesus on the cross...
I think about what Jesus would do in today's society and I get confused because I don't know what kind of car He would drive or if He would have a car at all...
Jesus was the ultimate hero because He put others before himself...
I wonder how many followers Jesus would have on Twitter...
Would Jesus even have a Twitter?
Jesus is a manly-man on many levels...
I wonder what the equivalent to the washing of the feet would be in modern times?
Would it still be the washing of the feet?
Would Jesus ever considering something sexy?
Would Jesus prefer Coke or Pepsi?
When I think of Jesus as a child I think of Him as scraping his knee a lot...
Jesus would seem to always be participating in no-shave November...
I think Jesus would've been a blogger or someone would've blogged for him...
I think haven't wrapped my mind around the suffering of Jesus on the cross...
November 14, 2009
Conversations
13.30 | To Isaiah, if you ever read these...
I had the pleasure of running into Isaiah's mom awhile back. We got to talking about how I transferred schools and how I am liking it so far. I told her how I can't wait for winter and about all the good things that have come as a result of switching schools. She had the quote of the night:
"You don't really know what you have until it's gone."
It's true. I went down to Texas for a couple months. I missed the snow, the winter, the people, the culture. I never realized how blessed I was until it was gone even though I learned great life lessons in Texas and miss it every so often.
Conversations are an amazing instrument of power. Words are shared that provoke feelings and stories. They go back to remember the past and look ahead towards the future. You can talk about people that have passed away, that live in Mississippi or are standing right next to you. I don't think location matters. I talked to Isaiah's mom on the curb of a parking lot outside a restaurant and I just talked to my friend at a church.
A conversation can transform people.
I had the pleasure of running into Isaiah's mom awhile back. We got to talking about how I transferred schools and how I am liking it so far. I told her how I can't wait for winter and about all the good things that have come as a result of switching schools. She had the quote of the night:
"You don't really know what you have until it's gone."
It's true. I went down to Texas for a couple months. I missed the snow, the winter, the people, the culture. I never realized how blessed I was until it was gone even though I learned great life lessons in Texas and miss it every so often.
Conversations are an amazing instrument of power. Words are shared that provoke feelings and stories. They go back to remember the past and look ahead towards the future. You can talk about people that have passed away, that live in Mississippi or are standing right next to you. I don't think location matters. I talked to Isaiah's mom on the curb of a parking lot outside a restaurant and I just talked to my friend at a church.
A conversation can transform people.
November 13, 2009
That Texas Air
12.30 | Every night, while going to school at Texas, my roommate and I would open the window so let in the cool Texas air and I noticed some things that would always happen at night. Around midnight you could hear a trumpet player practicing. I don't know why, but all they would do is play notes up and down the scale. It was pretty cool. If you were to stay up late enough you could hear the train rolling along the tracks around two.
Every morning after I crawled out of my bed I usually looked out the window to see if there were any people walking by. I looked at what they were wearing to get a reference as to how hot or cold it was outside. Sometimes people deceived me by wearing jeans and a jacket on a hot day.
That was my typical routine while in Texas. Something about that Texas air that made trumpet players go up and down the scale and people wear jeans when its eighty degrees outside. Nights in Texas were pretty nice. The cool air going swirling around, perfect for going for a walk with someone around campus.
When my academic advisor asked me what I thought about the Texas weather I told her it had no personality because it was always the same. She thought that was funny and had never heard it like that before. Her name was Natalie, she grew up in Waco, graduated from Baylor, and was a great academic advisor.
So Natalie, this one goes out to you and to the country known as Texas.
Every morning after I crawled out of my bed I usually looked out the window to see if there were any people walking by. I looked at what they were wearing to get a reference as to how hot or cold it was outside. Sometimes people deceived me by wearing jeans and a jacket on a hot day.
That was my typical routine while in Texas. Something about that Texas air that made trumpet players go up and down the scale and people wear jeans when its eighty degrees outside. Nights in Texas were pretty nice. The cool air going swirling around, perfect for going for a walk with someone around campus.
When my academic advisor asked me what I thought about the Texas weather I told her it had no personality because it was always the same. She thought that was funny and had never heard it like that before. Her name was Natalie, she grew up in Waco, graduated from Baylor, and was a great academic advisor.
So Natalie, this one goes out to you and to the country known as Texas.
November 12, 2009
I'm Not Home
11.30 | A story from a last year Christmas ride...
I had one of those "moments" recently. I was in an airplane, sitting next to some business lady that had two phones, and having some moments to myself as I listened to music. It was the normal mix of Christmas tunes and The Classic Crime.
I was going home for Christmas, to see my family and my friends, and for some reason, I thought about the people overseas who never get to go home for Christmas. I cried for them, a couple thousand feet in the air, zooming through the clouds. I also cried not only because I was going home for the first time in a long time, but I didn't feel like I was quite "home." My heart was lost, gone astray, and looking for the easy route in life.
The thing about feeling "far from home" is that at that time I didn't feel like I was doing my best with God. I didn't feel my relationship was right. I felt God was looking down at me telling me I can do more. My heart felt so far from being at home with God. I wasn't even His neighbor but rather some distant relative that I never visit.
This what at a time where my religion classes were more like history classes and chapel seemed more like a social period. Jesus seemed more like a historical figure and not the Savior of your sins. I was far from the home that I was used too.
I longed to be closer to home, in all aspects. With God, with family, with family.
It was one of those glorious, self-sustaining moments in life where you feel good about what you're doing but hope that nobody is watching. So there came down my tears next to some lady with two phones, heading north towards home.
November 11, 2009
You Are Special
I guess all I have to say about this one is that I didn't write it. It's a moving story and should be read by everyone.
10.30 | The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.
The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.
Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.
Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.
Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."
After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.
One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."
"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."
And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.
"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.
"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"
No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"
Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.
"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."
"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.
May all your dots fall silently to the ground, for if given by man, they matter only to other men, if given by the Gods, no one questions, the scars that make up our lives. (when given the choice, pass out stars, drop the dots in the trash.)
- Max Lucado
by Max Lucado
10.30 | The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.
The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.
Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.
Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.
Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."
After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.
One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."
"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."
And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.
"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.
"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"
No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"
Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.
"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."
"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.
May all your dots fall silently to the ground, for if given by man, they matter only to other men, if given by the Gods, no one questions, the scars that make up our lives. (when given the choice, pass out stars, drop the dots in the trash.)
- Max Lucado
November 10, 2009
One Thousand Miles
09.30 | Awhile ago I was filling the Mustang up with gas. It had only a half tank left of gas and figured better doing it now rather than later. I checked the odometer and saw that I had already gone one hundred miles on a half tank of gas.
I then remember how many times I have filled up the Mustang with gas and realized that I must have at least driven over one thousand miles in my life.
One Thousand Miles is a long ways.
I google-mapped how many places I could go that are one thousand miles away and found a couple of cool spots. I could drive to Dallas, Denver, or Niagara Falls. All of those are a thousand miles away and I've only been to one of those places.
Now the Mustang just reached 30,000 miles. Imagine the places you could go with 30,000 miles.
I gave blood today and I talked to this lady about how I was in Texas for a year then came back. She said that it always seemed that the males leave and come back while the females leave and never come back. She told me about her son who lives in Florida and how he would give just about anything for a sixty degree day like it is in Minnesota.
I guess what I'm getting at is that distance brings separation and creates a longing to return. Not just for weather, but for people too. Distance also brings adventure. The best movies always seem to have a lot of travel. I think road trips would be a lot of fun. I would go from one coast to another coast, but only if I had someone to go with.
Distance seems to bring something new to the table. A new attitude, a new life, a new sense of directions. Maybe it's the physical separation that opens up our eyes and releases us from the security blanket of home.
Sometimes adventures don't go very well. Sometimes your tire goes flat and you have nobody to call. Lost in the middle of the desert.
I create distance from God sometimes. I build up walls. Walls of selfishness, pain, anger, control. I put myself first, saying that I can get through this rough patch all by myself and God can take the backseat on this one.
It's usually at the peak of my frustration and when I have put God in the trunk that it all becomes clear. That God is the driver and he wants me to ride shotty. Or maybe I am the driver and God is riding shotty giving me directions in life?
Car concepts are cool.
I then remember how many times I have filled up the Mustang with gas and realized that I must have at least driven over one thousand miles in my life.
One Thousand Miles is a long ways.
I google-mapped how many places I could go that are one thousand miles away and found a couple of cool spots. I could drive to Dallas, Denver, or Niagara Falls. All of those are a thousand miles away and I've only been to one of those places.
Now the Mustang just reached 30,000 miles. Imagine the places you could go with 30,000 miles.
I gave blood today and I talked to this lady about how I was in Texas for a year then came back. She said that it always seemed that the males leave and come back while the females leave and never come back. She told me about her son who lives in Florida and how he would give just about anything for a sixty degree day like it is in Minnesota.
I guess what I'm getting at is that distance brings separation and creates a longing to return. Not just for weather, but for people too. Distance also brings adventure. The best movies always seem to have a lot of travel. I think road trips would be a lot of fun. I would go from one coast to another coast, but only if I had someone to go with.
Distance seems to bring something new to the table. A new attitude, a new life, a new sense of directions. Maybe it's the physical separation that opens up our eyes and releases us from the security blanket of home.
Sometimes adventures don't go very well. Sometimes your tire goes flat and you have nobody to call. Lost in the middle of the desert.
I create distance from God sometimes. I build up walls. Walls of selfishness, pain, anger, control. I put myself first, saying that I can get through this rough patch all by myself and God can take the backseat on this one.
It's usually at the peak of my frustration and when I have put God in the trunk that it all becomes clear. That God is the driver and he wants me to ride shotty. Or maybe I am the driver and God is riding shotty giving me directions in life?
Car concepts are cool.
November 09, 2009
New Orleans
08.30 | I got accepted to go on a Spring Break mission trip to New Orleans. Now I have to write support letters and a bunch of other stuff.
I excited for this because I think this is a moment where a story can start writing itself. I forget what Donald Miller calls it in his book but I think this trip is something of the sort. It seems like a trampoline that will propel me into a story that I can't even imagine now.
Anyways. New Orleans. I like the sound.
I excited for this because I think this is a moment where a story can start writing itself. I forget what Donald Miller calls it in his book but I think this trip is something of the sort. It seems like a trampoline that will propel me into a story that I can't even imagine now.
Anyways. New Orleans. I like the sound.
November 06, 2009
Daydreaming at Vespers
07.30 | I tend to be one of those people that if I get really bored I "doze" off into my own fantasies. I like to say I'm daydreaming.
In my daydreams I am usually a lot taller, more muscular, and always seem to have the ladies at my side with my elegant lines and most-understandable sense of moral direction.
So I was at Vespers a couple of weeks ago and for those of you who don't know Vespers, in a nutshell, is an hour-long worship service held relatively late at night. Lots of college kids go. So I was there and they sang songs that I didn't really know so I didn't really sing so I didn't really pay attention.
Since Vespers is an hour-long service and since we stand like the whole time my knees started to hurt so I imagined myself walking out of the auditorium just to sit down and get a drink of water.
I imagined as I walked out of the auditorium there was a girl sitting on the bench crying sheepishly. I sat at the bench across from her because I didn't know what to do. Then she made eye contact with me and with tears in her eyes she looked back down again and started crying more.
My studly self then approached her, sat next to her, put my arm around her and brought her close to me. Her head sat perfectly against my strong shoulder and she just cried on my shoulder. We didn't say anything but it was just a beautiful moment with a girl I had never met before.
In the end of that daydream I learned that she was an amazing woman from Northwestern and had been crying about a recent loss in the family. We ended up discussing everything from religion to music, falling madly in love, and living happily ever after.
//
Another, more selfish daydream during that time was that my right knee literally fell out of its socket. It just happened super suddenly and I was going through extreme amounts of pain but didn't cry or show any outward emotions.
After Vespers ended, I told my friends to drive me to the hospital because my knee had just obliterated and needed some immediate medical attention. My friends drove me to the hospital and I was bedridden for a couple days and during that time all my friends visited me with balloons and teddy bears.
Then I imagined that after all my friends left this one girl walked in and said hello. She explained she was late because she was volunteering. She didn't bring anything but it was love at first sight so I was alright with her not bringing anything.
//
Another daydream while I was standing happened right in front of me. The girl standing in front of me had this square of light right on her back and it kind of bugged me because it was just so random. Either way, this light square shined on the back of her shirt and I thought to myself that this girl has a lovely looking back and that maybe I should tell her.
So I daydreamed that after Vespers was over and she was turning to leave I would grab her hand and say, "I stood behind you the whole time and could tell from just looking at your back that you were beautiful."
We then exchanged phone numbers, fell madly in love, and lived happily ever after.
//
Yes, my daydreams usually involve me getting the girl and living happily ever after. And no, I do not have a problem with that because the hero usually gets the girl. Because in my daydreams I could fly, lift cars over my head, and stop bullets with my bare fists. I never can beat Chuck Norris though. Chuck is usually on my team when I am fighting the villains though so Chuck is cool.
In my daydreams I am usually a lot taller, more muscular, and always seem to have the ladies at my side with my elegant lines and most-understandable sense of moral direction.
So I was at Vespers a couple of weeks ago and for those of you who don't know Vespers, in a nutshell, is an hour-long worship service held relatively late at night. Lots of college kids go. So I was there and they sang songs that I didn't really know so I didn't really sing so I didn't really pay attention.
Since Vespers is an hour-long service and since we stand like the whole time my knees started to hurt so I imagined myself walking out of the auditorium just to sit down and get a drink of water.
I imagined as I walked out of the auditorium there was a girl sitting on the bench crying sheepishly. I sat at the bench across from her because I didn't know what to do. Then she made eye contact with me and with tears in her eyes she looked back down again and started crying more.
My studly self then approached her, sat next to her, put my arm around her and brought her close to me. Her head sat perfectly against my strong shoulder and she just cried on my shoulder. We didn't say anything but it was just a beautiful moment with a girl I had never met before.
In the end of that daydream I learned that she was an amazing woman from Northwestern and had been crying about a recent loss in the family. We ended up discussing everything from religion to music, falling madly in love, and living happily ever after.
//
Another, more selfish daydream during that time was that my right knee literally fell out of its socket. It just happened super suddenly and I was going through extreme amounts of pain but didn't cry or show any outward emotions.
After Vespers ended, I told my friends to drive me to the hospital because my knee had just obliterated and needed some immediate medical attention. My friends drove me to the hospital and I was bedridden for a couple days and during that time all my friends visited me with balloons and teddy bears.
Then I imagined that after all my friends left this one girl walked in and said hello. She explained she was late because she was volunteering. She didn't bring anything but it was love at first sight so I was alright with her not bringing anything.
//
Another daydream while I was standing happened right in front of me. The girl standing in front of me had this square of light right on her back and it kind of bugged me because it was just so random. Either way, this light square shined on the back of her shirt and I thought to myself that this girl has a lovely looking back and that maybe I should tell her.
So I daydreamed that after Vespers was over and she was turning to leave I would grab her hand and say, "I stood behind you the whole time and could tell from just looking at your back that you were beautiful."
We then exchanged phone numbers, fell madly in love, and lived happily ever after.
//
Yes, my daydreams usually involve me getting the girl and living happily ever after. And no, I do not have a problem with that because the hero usually gets the girl. Because in my daydreams I could fly, lift cars over my head, and stop bullets with my bare fists. I never can beat Chuck Norris though. Chuck is usually on my team when I am fighting the villains though so Chuck is cool.
Money
05.30 | I think the term mo money, mo problems is a relevant term.
The more money I have the more guilt I have that I am not spending it wisely or that I using it for the wrong purpose. I try to be wise with my money but every now and then I make some impulse buy and regret it later. Then maybe after I bought something I look at it two years from now and say, "well you were a waste..."
Buying gas always depresses me because I know that I'm buying something that is going to be burned up in a matter of days but gas is essential for the car to run.
I never know what to do with my money. Most of it is spent on food because I'm just to lazy to cook for myself. The rest probably goes to music, clothes, and gas and even there I don't like spending it. You should take a look at my shopping cart on iTunes someday because there is a lot of stuff waiting to be bought. It's just cooking in the oven.
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to give some money to an organization that makes shirts from recycled pop bottles and half the profits go to other charities. By giving them money I mean buying one of their products and for the last couple weeks I've been trying to buy one of their shirts but their website doesn't work so it is sad. I want to send them an email saying that I want to give them money but I want something I return.
People say that tithing is good for you and it helps God bless you in your everyday life.
I tithed once.
It was when I was in Waco, TX and the previous week they talked about money and I decided that this was a good time to start tithing so that God would bless my life in my time of need. I made ten dollars that week I don't remember how so I put it my one dollar when the bucket came around and went on with my daily life.
It wasn't all that exciting or anything because I knew it was only a dollar. I probably could have put in all ten dollars but I didn't because there was probably some music I could get later on with it.
That was my one time tithing.
I've never felt right about the whole offering thing in church. The whole passing the bucket around so everyone can see if you put anything in.
At my church they always give the same old speech about how giving money to the church is a form of worship and I don't mind them saying that because I hear it's in the Bible but it just gets so old and it loses its value after awhile. I mean, there must more ways to worship other than singing and giving money away.
I think if I start a church it won't have an offering. I mean, we'll accept donations because somethings got to pay the bills but I don't think it will pass the bucket around. If someone wants to give their money away they'll have to come to us and not the bucket coming to them. I don't like the bucket because it always seems like a charity case or something that is supposed to convict us.
My roommate said at his church they take an offering with a bucket, but the cool thing I found is that they say if you can give money, then you can, and if you need to take some money, then you can.
I like that concept. Instead of an offering bucket it's like a community pot. Put something in or take something if you want.
In my dream world everything is free and everybody is not corrupt by greed. In my dream we are all walking down a street and all the vendors are on the side with displays of their product. You can walk around and just browse looking for the things you need. In my dream I see an exchange between two men of a shirt and both are smiling. One is smiling but he enjoys giving something away while the other is smiling because he now has a gift for someone else that will make them smile.
I remember reading something in Shaine Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" that tribes in Africa would receive gifts and be so excited just about receiving a gift that they would send the gift to another tribe. It could have been an empty box but they still get super excited about it so much that they want to share it with another tribe.
Thoughts on money...
The more money I have the more guilt I have that I am not spending it wisely or that I using it for the wrong purpose. I try to be wise with my money but every now and then I make some impulse buy and regret it later. Then maybe after I bought something I look at it two years from now and say, "well you were a waste..."
Buying gas always depresses me because I know that I'm buying something that is going to be burned up in a matter of days but gas is essential for the car to run.
I never know what to do with my money. Most of it is spent on food because I'm just to lazy to cook for myself. The rest probably goes to music, clothes, and gas and even there I don't like spending it. You should take a look at my shopping cart on iTunes someday because there is a lot of stuff waiting to be bought. It's just cooking in the oven.
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to give some money to an organization that makes shirts from recycled pop bottles and half the profits go to other charities. By giving them money I mean buying one of their products and for the last couple weeks I've been trying to buy one of their shirts but their website doesn't work so it is sad. I want to send them an email saying that I want to give them money but I want something I return.
People say that tithing is good for you and it helps God bless you in your everyday life.
I tithed once.
It was when I was in Waco, TX and the previous week they talked about money and I decided that this was a good time to start tithing so that God would bless my life in my time of need. I made ten dollars that week I don't remember how so I put it my one dollar when the bucket came around and went on with my daily life.
It wasn't all that exciting or anything because I knew it was only a dollar. I probably could have put in all ten dollars but I didn't because there was probably some music I could get later on with it.
That was my one time tithing.
I've never felt right about the whole offering thing in church. The whole passing the bucket around so everyone can see if you put anything in.
At my church they always give the same old speech about how giving money to the church is a form of worship and I don't mind them saying that because I hear it's in the Bible but it just gets so old and it loses its value after awhile. I mean, there must more ways to worship other than singing and giving money away.
I think if I start a church it won't have an offering. I mean, we'll accept donations because somethings got to pay the bills but I don't think it will pass the bucket around. If someone wants to give their money away they'll have to come to us and not the bucket coming to them. I don't like the bucket because it always seems like a charity case or something that is supposed to convict us.
My roommate said at his church they take an offering with a bucket, but the cool thing I found is that they say if you can give money, then you can, and if you need to take some money, then you can.
I like that concept. Instead of an offering bucket it's like a community pot. Put something in or take something if you want.
In my dream world everything is free and everybody is not corrupt by greed. In my dream we are all walking down a street and all the vendors are on the side with displays of their product. You can walk around and just browse looking for the things you need. In my dream I see an exchange between two men of a shirt and both are smiling. One is smiling but he enjoys giving something away while the other is smiling because he now has a gift for someone else that will make them smile.
I remember reading something in Shaine Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" that tribes in Africa would receive gifts and be so excited just about receiving a gift that they would send the gift to another tribe. It could have been an empty box but they still get super excited about it so much that they want to share it with another tribe.
Thoughts on money...
Hands
06.30 | It is not a rare occurrence to see people holding hands here at Bethel. I almost think it seems like the norm. I'm fairly certain I see at least one a day.
I don't really see the appeal to the whole holding hands thing. Who wants to go through the whole process of even getting there? Do you have some conversation to them earlier about it or do you just go for it? Even thinking about it makes my hands sweat and then I think who would want to hold my sweaty hand. There has got to be some kind of draw or appeal to this sort of ritual. Maybe it is the human version of marking their territory like a dog. Humans are animals. Holding hands is like a public address announcement saying to everyone. "the persons hand my hand is clenching is mine so everyone else should just back off."
Holding hands brings me back to the movie Wall-E where all he wants to do is hold her hand. There's gotta be something that makes people want to hold hands. Maybe it's because a pat on the back just won't do, it's just not physical enough. Maybe it's the connection, the link, that it makes.
Either way I don't know and this seems to becoming a very lame blog. Just random thoughts on something I see everyday.
I don't really see the appeal to the whole holding hands thing. Who wants to go through the whole process of even getting there? Do you have some conversation to them earlier about it or do you just go for it? Even thinking about it makes my hands sweat and then I think who would want to hold my sweaty hand. There has got to be some kind of draw or appeal to this sort of ritual. Maybe it is the human version of marking their territory like a dog. Humans are animals. Holding hands is like a public address announcement saying to everyone. "the persons hand my hand is clenching is mine so everyone else should just back off."
Holding hands brings me back to the movie Wall-E where all he wants to do is hold her hand. There's gotta be something that makes people want to hold hands. Maybe it's because a pat on the back just won't do, it's just not physical enough. Maybe it's the connection, the link, that it makes.
Either way I don't know and this seems to becoming a very lame blog. Just random thoughts on something I see everyday.
November 05, 2009
Bedtime Story
04.30 | There was once a man named Lee
Who was scared to come out from under his tree
That overlooked people swimming in the sea
And deep down he thought, "I wish that was me."
The sun rose and dropped
But Lee did not move from his spot
Around the tree he would trot
And then fall asleep on his cot
One day a visitor came to meet Lee
It was a beautiful girl named Lucy
She brought some tea
And they drank it merrily
She left at the sunset
With memories you could never forget
Saddened, Lee said, "You'll probably never come back, I'll bet"
Lucy smirked, "I'll be back, don't you fret"
Time passed and soon Fall came
And the tree grew very tame
The limbs looking like a cane
While the sea was losing its fame
And still Lucy came
Even in the rain
Winter came near
And Lucy had fear
That Lee wouldn't make it this year
So Lucy ran where he could hear
"Lee, you have to come with me," she said with a tear
"If you want me to leave, my dear,
you'll have to kick me rear!"
So Lucy stood in thought
And she must've thought alot
Lee became impatient and crossed his arms in dismay
He mumbled under his breath, "Trying to make me leave! Oh she'll pay."
But I guess Lucy didn't see it this way
Next thing you know Lucy is kicking Lee in the rear
"What are you doing, my dear?!?"
"Kicking you in the rear!"
Once Lee got out from under the tree, you could see a tear.
Because Lee had never experienced pain
And sometimes pain is what pushes you forward
To let go of fears of what is out from under the tree
So that we may go and play with others in the sea
And they all lived happily ever after...
Who was scared to come out from under his tree
That overlooked people swimming in the sea
And deep down he thought, "I wish that was me."
The sun rose and dropped
But Lee did not move from his spot
Around the tree he would trot
And then fall asleep on his cot
One day a visitor came to meet Lee
It was a beautiful girl named Lucy
She brought some tea
And they drank it merrily
She left at the sunset
With memories you could never forget
Saddened, Lee said, "You'll probably never come back, I'll bet"
Lucy smirked, "I'll be back, don't you fret"
Time passed and soon Fall came
And the tree grew very tame
The limbs looking like a cane
While the sea was losing its fame
And still Lucy came
Even in the rain
Winter came near
And Lucy had fear
That Lee wouldn't make it this year
So Lucy ran where he could hear
"Lee, you have to come with me," she said with a tear
"If you want me to leave, my dear,
you'll have to kick me rear!"
So Lucy stood in thought
And she must've thought alot
Lee became impatient and crossed his arms in dismay
He mumbled under his breath, "Trying to make me leave! Oh she'll pay."
But I guess Lucy didn't see it this way
Next thing you know Lucy is kicking Lee in the rear
"What are you doing, my dear?!?"
"Kicking you in the rear!"
Once Lee got out from under the tree, you could see a tear.
Because Lee had never experienced pain
And sometimes pain is what pushes you forward
To let go of fears of what is out from under the tree
So that we may go and play with others in the sea
And they all lived happily ever after...
November 04, 2009
I Thought Of You
03.30 | I saw the snow falling slowly
And I thought of you
I listened to some music
And I thought of you
I saw a Buick
And I thought of you
I ate some pizza
And I thought of you
I saw this pretty girl
And I thought of you
I saw the stars
And I thought of you
I touched softness
And I thought of you
I felt warmth
And I thought of you
I was doing math
And I thought of you
I am writing this
And I thought of you
I heard someones heartbreak
And I thought of me
Who was thinking about you
I saw happiness in holding hands
And I thought of me
Who was thinking about you
And I thought of you
I listened to some music
And I thought of you
I saw a Buick
And I thought of you
I ate some pizza
And I thought of you
I saw this pretty girl
And I thought of you
I saw the stars
And I thought of you
I touched softness
And I thought of you
I felt warmth
And I thought of you
I was doing math
And I thought of you
I am writing this
And I thought of you
I heard someones heartbreak
And I thought of me
Who was thinking about you
I saw happiness in holding hands
And I thought of me
Who was thinking about you
November 03, 2009
What Can I Say?
02.30 | What can I say to make this right
to make you not hold me so tight
to give me some freedom, some space
to know it's not a race,
but just keeping the same pace
What can I say?
That I changed my mind?
That I'm always wrong?
And You're always right?
What words will make you not mad
What can I say to make you not sad
but rather make you glad
Maybe the fact that I know nothing about plaid
I'm sorry you're to selfish to let me go
I'm sorry I have the heart to see you with someone else
I'm sorry that I care enough for your desires
I'm sorry I never can be that desire
So what can I say?
What can I say?
to make you not hold me so tight
to give me some freedom, some space
to know it's not a race,
but just keeping the same pace
What can I say?
That I changed my mind?
That I'm always wrong?
And You're always right?
What words will make you not mad
What can I say to make you not sad
but rather make you glad
Maybe the fact that I know nothing about plaid
I'm sorry you're to selfish to let me go
I'm sorry I have the heart to see you with someone else
I'm sorry that I care enough for your desires
I'm sorry I never can be that desire
So what can I say?
What can I say?
November 02, 2009
Oh Please Come Back Again
01.30 | To the worried looking girl I saw in the green shirt yesterday that walked by me once and then wished she would walk by again.
You pass me by
I ask you why
Please don't be shy
It should be easy as pie
Just please again walk by
Don't look so worried
Don't walk away
Don't be in a hurry
Just tell me what to say
Comfort is here
But you passed it
Let's talk like peers
Where closely we'll sit
And discuss comfort cures
and we'll make our hands fit
Just please again walk by here
Yes! You walk by again! I cannot believe it!
I sit up in my chair to look less lazy
Come on just feel my stare
Drop your worries to feel less hazy
Come on just feel my care
Don't think of me as crazy
You're making my heart tear!
Distant you are now
But close you feel
All I can think is wow
Sign me up for this deal
Hit my heart with a pow
Together let's have a meal
And make promises with a seal
Cause I make your heart mend
And my feelings to you I'll send
Oh please just come back again
You pass me by
I ask you why
Please don't be shy
It should be easy as pie
Just please again walk by
Don't look so worried
Don't walk away
Don't be in a hurry
Just tell me what to say
Comfort is here
But you passed it
Let's talk like peers
Where closely we'll sit
And discuss comfort cures
and we'll make our hands fit
Just please again walk by here
Yes! You walk by again! I cannot believe it!
I sit up in my chair to look less lazy
Come on just feel my stare
Drop your worries to feel less hazy
Come on just feel my care
Don't think of me as crazy
You're making my heart tear!
Distant you are now
But close you feel
All I can think is wow
Sign me up for this deal
Hit my heart with a pow
Together let's have a meal
And make promises with a seal
Cause I make your heart mend
And my feelings to you I'll send
Oh please just come back again
Drafts and November
00.30 | You might not realize this but I actually don't post everything I write. The stuff I write here and never post come up as drafts. I counted today and I have 36 drafts and counting. I've written mostly on this computer but lately I've been typing on my ipod.
November is a glorious time for a couple reasons but one reason is "No shave November." A month filled without shaving and growing really nasty facial hair. I didn't do it last year because I had a formal interview.
So I figured that since I have over 36 drafts and that it is November I shall try to partake in posting one blog a day while growing facial hair. Some will be short and some will be long. Most will be totally outdated but I'll try to edit it up to current times. Some of it might be totally random and awkward, actually, it will be totally random and awkward.
So I welcome you November with open arms. I welcome inspiring moments and making letters come to life. I welcome gross looking beards, fall colors, and maybe even snow. I welcome the past and applying it to the future.
November, encourage me to be persistent. Teach me to be consistent.
Welcome November...
November is a glorious time for a couple reasons but one reason is "No shave November." A month filled without shaving and growing really nasty facial hair. I didn't do it last year because I had a formal interview.
So I figured that since I have over 36 drafts and that it is November I shall try to partake in posting one blog a day while growing facial hair. Some will be short and some will be long. Most will be totally outdated but I'll try to edit it up to current times. Some of it might be totally random and awkward, actually, it will be totally random and awkward.
So I welcome you November with open arms. I welcome inspiring moments and making letters come to life. I welcome gross looking beards, fall colors, and maybe even snow. I welcome the past and applying it to the future.
November, encourage me to be persistent. Teach me to be consistent.
Welcome November...
October 21, 2009
Moments of self-reflection
I seem to favor high-fives and handshakes but I always long for something that brings more comfort...
If my dreams ever became reality I would be considered one weird guy...
My roommate once called my political affiliation "half democrat, half just weird"
The music I listen to most always reflects my mood but I can't find out what mood Usher is...
I sit in my bed staring the ceiling sometimes wondering how I came to be in this one spot in the world at this moment and all the moments that led up to it...
I consider myself a semi-germaphobe and slightly OCD but sometimes I love a dirty, unorganized space...
Sometimes I wished I listened to my mom and became a lawyer...
I wish things you wanted were always free...
If I get to 100 blogs I will thank Josh Lancette first...
I like High School Musical and I am not ashamed...
I want to travel the world and then write a New York Times best-selling book...
I want to marry the woman of my dreams and I want to be the man of her dreams...
I once had a crush on Alice in the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland...
The first crush I had in Pre-K was everything I look for in woman today...
I still believe that Minnesotans have some infatuation with Texas...
Nebraska could be the most boring state to drive through...
Serving others is like a drug to me...
Twilight is kind of a weird flick...
I don't think a Royal is a good mascot, but a Bear is...
Art has the power to transform...
I don't want to be considered a wise man, just a guy who wrote about thoughts...
I still can't believe I actually blog...
I still can't believe people call them "notes" just because they go on Facebook even though I prefer the name "note" over "blog." It's a blog people, get it right...
I've considered getting rid of my Facebook account but thinking about the effects of that decision kinda scared me...
My life would be totally different if I knew how to play guitar...
Mr. Post was right when he told us that it wasn't to late to learn to love reading...
I always wonder how many people read these things, someday my following will be loud and proud...
If my dreams ever became reality I would be considered one weird guy...
My roommate once called my political affiliation "half democrat, half just weird"
The music I listen to most always reflects my mood but I can't find out what mood Usher is...
I sit in my bed staring the ceiling sometimes wondering how I came to be in this one spot in the world at this moment and all the moments that led up to it...
I consider myself a semi-germaphobe and slightly OCD but sometimes I love a dirty, unorganized space...
Sometimes I wished I listened to my mom and became a lawyer...
I wish things you wanted were always free...
If I get to 100 blogs I will thank Josh Lancette first...
I like High School Musical and I am not ashamed...
I want to travel the world and then write a New York Times best-selling book...
I want to marry the woman of my dreams and I want to be the man of her dreams...
I once had a crush on Alice in the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland...
The first crush I had in Pre-K was everything I look for in woman today...
I still believe that Minnesotans have some infatuation with Texas...
Nebraska could be the most boring state to drive through...
Serving others is like a drug to me...
Twilight is kind of a weird flick...
I don't think a Royal is a good mascot, but a Bear is...
Art has the power to transform...
I don't want to be considered a wise man, just a guy who wrote about thoughts...
I still can't believe I actually blog...
I still can't believe people call them "notes" just because they go on Facebook even though I prefer the name "note" over "blog." It's a blog people, get it right...
I've considered getting rid of my Facebook account but thinking about the effects of that decision kinda scared me...
My life would be totally different if I knew how to play guitar...
Mr. Post was right when he told us that it wasn't to late to learn to love reading...
I always wonder how many people read these things, someday my following will be loud and proud...
October 13, 2009
Mustang
I drove the Mustang tonight and as I was walking up to it I first noticed how I could see my breath. I talked to the car because it was a long day and I felt like it.
I said, "Hello Mustang - Yes, yes I would like to drive you on this night if you would be so kind. You are a fine piece of craftsmanship mixed with beauty and grace, yet with muscle and power. I swear the designer of you was either on drugs, or an angel of the Lord came down and guided their pencil."
That part about the designer I believe is true. The Mustang is a fine piece of art and I think I can see a little piece of heaven in it.
Anyways, I was driving the Mustang and as I pulled a right turn coming out of Bethel I felt a sudden urging of smallness. I felt so insignificant and worthless that I felt the car was driving me and I was just along for the ride. I felt as if I was to weak to even be in this powerful machine.
I felt weak, then I got scared.
I sat there thinking was kind of damage the Mustang could do. A big V8 engine encased in metal, plastic, and rubber. It's a moving wrecking ball.
So I felt very small in the Mustang this night.
Then I thought about God and how small we are compared to Him and how much power He has. We are just specks of dust on a scale.
That didn't help my self-esteem much.
Then I remembered that though we are but specks of dust on a scale we still have a relationship with Him. He wants to know us, be with us, fellowship with us, have community with us. That even though we are not the most powerful creatures on the planet we still have the steering wheel.
I don't really know how to close this out so I'll just leave it open-ended, up for interpretation and imagination.
I said, "Hello Mustang - Yes, yes I would like to drive you on this night if you would be so kind. You are a fine piece of craftsmanship mixed with beauty and grace, yet with muscle and power. I swear the designer of you was either on drugs, or an angel of the Lord came down and guided their pencil."
That part about the designer I believe is true. The Mustang is a fine piece of art and I think I can see a little piece of heaven in it.
Anyways, I was driving the Mustang and as I pulled a right turn coming out of Bethel I felt a sudden urging of smallness. I felt so insignificant and worthless that I felt the car was driving me and I was just along for the ride. I felt as if I was to weak to even be in this powerful machine.
I felt weak, then I got scared.
I sat there thinking was kind of damage the Mustang could do. A big V8 engine encased in metal, plastic, and rubber. It's a moving wrecking ball.
So I felt very small in the Mustang this night.
Then I thought about God and how small we are compared to Him and how much power He has. We are just specks of dust on a scale.
That didn't help my self-esteem much.
Then I remembered that though we are but specks of dust on a scale we still have a relationship with Him. He wants to know us, be with us, fellowship with us, have community with us. That even though we are not the most powerful creatures on the planet we still have the steering wheel.
I don't really know how to close this out so I'll just leave it open-ended, up for interpretation and imagination.
October 03, 2009
The Future
I fear the future. Whether it is tomorrow, the next month, the next three years, or when I'm thirty. When I think about any of them it kind of stresses me out.
Whenever I get stressed out about the future I relate and reminisce about the past. I remember the "glory days" of chalking driveways and laughing uncontrollably with friends. I remember past crushes and past events. There are memories I wish I could take back or replay and then there are the memories I wish I could delete or retape.
A sidewalk at Baylor had a verse that said something about laying your troubles on the Lord but I forgot the reference. I related to it alot that year.
I think every relationship you have has a window of opportunity to where you can expand your friendship into something deeper and meaningful or maybe even blossom into love. I mean, I am no expert on relationships but I would like to say I have had my opportunities for better friendships or possibly girlfriends but the past is already written.
It's just something to think about. What would have happened if this choice was made or you did this instead of that?
Maybe what you thought was a window of opportunity actually wasn't and it has still yet to come. Maybe there was never a window and you have already reached a full potential.
Maybe...
I think I heard somewhere that if you think about the past too much you will never do anything with your future.
I think I have been thinking so much about the past lately because I am so scared of the future. What struggles lay ahead? What twist and turns the road will take? When will the ups and downs of the roller coaster make you sick? The future kind of scares me. It's something that I have the power to control but it is so unimaginable and boundless that it seems chaotic.
Now I realize that the future isn't mine to control or to plan, but to put it into the hands of someone with the knowledge and mind that is able to define, coordinate, and control the future. Someone that stands outside of time and space. Someone that doesn't plan just one path for me to take but knows every path that I can take with final destinations already in hand. Like a choose-your-own-adventure storybook.
The future seems less scary that way...
Whenever I get stressed out about the future I relate and reminisce about the past. I remember the "glory days" of chalking driveways and laughing uncontrollably with friends. I remember past crushes and past events. There are memories I wish I could take back or replay and then there are the memories I wish I could delete or retape.
A sidewalk at Baylor had a verse that said something about laying your troubles on the Lord but I forgot the reference. I related to it alot that year.
I think every relationship you have has a window of opportunity to where you can expand your friendship into something deeper and meaningful or maybe even blossom into love. I mean, I am no expert on relationships but I would like to say I have had my opportunities for better friendships or possibly girlfriends but the past is already written.
It's just something to think about. What would have happened if this choice was made or you did this instead of that?
Maybe what you thought was a window of opportunity actually wasn't and it has still yet to come. Maybe there was never a window and you have already reached a full potential.
Maybe...
I think I heard somewhere that if you think about the past too much you will never do anything with your future.
I think I have been thinking so much about the past lately because I am so scared of the future. What struggles lay ahead? What twist and turns the road will take? When will the ups and downs of the roller coaster make you sick? The future kind of scares me. It's something that I have the power to control but it is so unimaginable and boundless that it seems chaotic.
Now I realize that the future isn't mine to control or to plan, but to put it into the hands of someone with the knowledge and mind that is able to define, coordinate, and control the future. Someone that stands outside of time and space. Someone that doesn't plan just one path for me to take but knows every path that I can take with final destinations already in hand. Like a choose-your-own-adventure storybook.
The future seems less scary that way...
September 27, 2009
Goodnight Moon
My friend has to look at the moon for her astrology class. She has to look to the south at night and document how the moon looks.
Tonight the moon looked magnificent. So I texted the word "moon" to her.
She replied back, "where?"
I texted back, "in the sky."
Where I was I could see this sharp contrast between the moon to the south and clouds to the west. The moon was gorgeous. Half of it shining brightly through a thin white cloud made it seem for a minute that I was in the Twilight movie even though I didn't fear vampires taking me.
I wish it could be my desktop background.
So there I was driving west towards the darkness with the moon to my left shining into the dash of the car. The artist Mat Kearney playing through the stereo put it over the top. He has a line in the song "Lifeline" that I like.
The moon is far away.
Life seems far away sometimes. You feel disconnected, alone, and distant.
Maybe we expect all our answers to come shooting out of the sky instead of looking right by our side. Maybe we're all blind to the thought that instead of something that is distance and imaginative what we're looking for is close and real. I can't feel a thing when I don't feel real, connected, or close. Everything seems grey, pointless, and lifeless. I feel as if there is no beauty of this world. Then that lifeline hits me and I take it. I feel saved by grace and this grey world suddenly has color, meaning, and feeling.
As I drove deeper the clouds got heavier and the light almost vanished. It felt like I was driving at midnight. The car lights seemed brighter than usual and the surrounding area seemed less detailed.
I think clouds are emotional.
If they're white and puffy they just soaked up some sun rays like little cotton balls. Low and dark means they're it's been a long day and I don't even think sunlight can brighten my day. If it rains, it's sad and if there is lighting, it's angry and abusive. Fog seems to me like it doesn't know what the future holds. We never describe our emotions with clouds.
"How are you doing?"
"Eh, partly cloudy. Might be fog tomorrow."
As I drove deeper into the clouds the moon eventually disappeared and as I unpacked my car all I could see what clouds and all I could feel was a cold wind against me. I wish the moon would come back to fight off the clouds.
I guess even mother nature has to sleep.
Goodnight Moon.
Tonight the moon looked magnificent. So I texted the word "moon" to her.
She replied back, "where?"
I texted back, "in the sky."
Where I was I could see this sharp contrast between the moon to the south and clouds to the west. The moon was gorgeous. Half of it shining brightly through a thin white cloud made it seem for a minute that I was in the Twilight movie even though I didn't fear vampires taking me.
I wish it could be my desktop background.
So there I was driving west towards the darkness with the moon to my left shining into the dash of the car. The artist Mat Kearney playing through the stereo put it over the top. He has a line in the song "Lifeline" that I like.
"The world is too big to never ask why
The answers don't fall straight out of the sky
I'm fighting to live and feel alive
But I can't feel a thing without you by my side
Send me out a lifeline"
The answers don't fall straight out of the sky
I'm fighting to live and feel alive
But I can't feel a thing without you by my side
Send me out a lifeline"
The moon is far away.
Life seems far away sometimes. You feel disconnected, alone, and distant.
Maybe we expect all our answers to come shooting out of the sky instead of looking right by our side. Maybe we're all blind to the thought that instead of something that is distance and imaginative what we're looking for is close and real. I can't feel a thing when I don't feel real, connected, or close. Everything seems grey, pointless, and lifeless. I feel as if there is no beauty of this world. Then that lifeline hits me and I take it. I feel saved by grace and this grey world suddenly has color, meaning, and feeling.
As I drove deeper the clouds got heavier and the light almost vanished. It felt like I was driving at midnight. The car lights seemed brighter than usual and the surrounding area seemed less detailed.
I think clouds are emotional.
If they're white and puffy they just soaked up some sun rays like little cotton balls. Low and dark means they're it's been a long day and I don't even think sunlight can brighten my day. If it rains, it's sad and if there is lighting, it's angry and abusive. Fog seems to me like it doesn't know what the future holds. We never describe our emotions with clouds.
"How are you doing?"
"Eh, partly cloudy. Might be fog tomorrow."
As I drove deeper into the clouds the moon eventually disappeared and as I unpacked my car all I could see what clouds and all I could feel was a cold wind against me. I wish the moon would come back to fight off the clouds.
I guess even mother nature has to sleep.
Goodnight Moon.
September 24, 2009
Cars
The window at my dorm overlooks 35W so I get to see cars going left and right all day long. At night it is an added presence as white lights point one way while red point another.
Cars always seem to be moving when we use them. Nobody sits in their car just to enjoy a car. My friend would call cars big tools.
There is a deck in my dorm. It's great because you can sit out on it and do two things: spy on your neighbors or listen to the cars go by. It's wonderfully fantastic. I haven't done either because there is a wasp currently trapped between the screen door and the glass door and I am too scared to go out there for fear of a wasp sting.
I respect wasps.
Car noises are never considered beautiful. A cars noise can be pretty. A engine revving through the road hugging turns and pulsating like a heart. A car is a pleasant monster wanting to be released but if another monster joins in they scream and cry towards each other and then it is not such a pleasant monster. I respect monsters.
We all have experiences in cars, right?
I have had experiences in cars.
I was scared once. I felt a little less of a man once. I cried once. I sang The Classic Crime's "Far From Home" all alone. I sang it with friends too. I sang so loud that I heard my own voice crack and still kept on singing. I smiled. I sped. I flicked my turn signal really fast to make the car look cool. My best experience was when a girl on a bike waved at me and I waved back. I felt loved. I have sat in silence with friends just listening.
I always buckled up though, except that time my friends blindfolded me and threw me in the trunk. That was fun.
I have awesome friends.
I imagine the cars on 35W are always going somewhere. This just a part of the drive, a part of the road, a part of the life.
If the road of life is like how the cars on 35W drive then I want to slow down. I want to stop the car and experience all those memories, write them down, and then get back in the car and find another.
The cars going left and the cars going right always seem to intersect at one point in the road. They look like they are going to hit at one point but they always miss because there is a median between the roads.
I wonder if people ever wonder what they missed out on? I do, because I guess what I missed was just on the other side of the median and at that moment that we intersected we went our other ways.
I hope it comes back...
Cars always seem to be moving when we use them. Nobody sits in their car just to enjoy a car. My friend would call cars big tools.
There is a deck in my dorm. It's great because you can sit out on it and do two things: spy on your neighbors or listen to the cars go by. It's wonderfully fantastic. I haven't done either because there is a wasp currently trapped between the screen door and the glass door and I am too scared to go out there for fear of a wasp sting.
I respect wasps.
Car noises are never considered beautiful. A cars noise can be pretty. A engine revving through the road hugging turns and pulsating like a heart. A car is a pleasant monster wanting to be released but if another monster joins in they scream and cry towards each other and then it is not such a pleasant monster. I respect monsters.
We all have experiences in cars, right?
I have had experiences in cars.
I was scared once. I felt a little less of a man once. I cried once. I sang The Classic Crime's "Far From Home" all alone. I sang it with friends too. I sang so loud that I heard my own voice crack and still kept on singing. I smiled. I sped. I flicked my turn signal really fast to make the car look cool. My best experience was when a girl on a bike waved at me and I waved back. I felt loved. I have sat in silence with friends just listening.
I always buckled up though, except that time my friends blindfolded me and threw me in the trunk. That was fun.
I have awesome friends.
I imagine the cars on 35W are always going somewhere. This just a part of the drive, a part of the road, a part of the life.
If the road of life is like how the cars on 35W drive then I want to slow down. I want to stop the car and experience all those memories, write them down, and then get back in the car and find another.
The cars going left and the cars going right always seem to intersect at one point in the road. They look like they are going to hit at one point but they always miss because there is a median between the roads.
I wonder if people ever wonder what they missed out on? I do, because I guess what I missed was just on the other side of the median and at that moment that we intersected we went our other ways.
I hope it comes back...
September 19, 2009
Running Away
I am running away
running away from myself
from who I was
from who I am
and from who I will become
from the socially acceptable
from the norms of the norms
from the judgements
from the rage
I am running away
I am running away
sprinting to find a new me
to where my heart belongs
to where my soul yearns
to the socially outcast
to the fearful
to the needy
to the lonely
to the hopeless
to the lowest of the lows
I am running to you
I am running for you
so that you know the place where the breathing is easy
and the sky is always sunny
and where the smiles are natural and genuine
where Gods love is known
and we filled our holes with that
where community is defined by actions
not just hopes
where art brings tears to everyone
even the most hearty of men
I am running for you
Lord, let me run for You
Lord, let me run for You
running away from myself
from who I was
from who I am
and from who I will become
from the socially acceptable
from the norms of the norms
from the judgements
from the rage
I am running away
I am running away
sprinting to find a new me
to where my heart belongs
to where my soul yearns
to the socially outcast
to the fearful
to the needy
to the lonely
to the hopeless
to the lowest of the lows
I am running to you
I am running for you
so that you know the place where the breathing is easy
and the sky is always sunny
and where the smiles are natural and genuine
where Gods love is known
and we filled our holes with that
where community is defined by actions
not just hopes
where art brings tears to everyone
even the most hearty of men
I am running for you
Lord, let me run for You
Lord, let me run for You
September 10, 2009
Admiration
To the girl I saw on the bench a couple of days ago:
There you are
Shaking your head like you shake my heart
Not a clue I'm writing this about you
Out the window you look
The look that makes me feel like you can see these words
These words I'm writing: my anthem of admiration
Focused on something on the outside
I want to know what you think
What you drink
And If you like pink
How was your day?
I'll be your friend
We'll share secrets, deep and dark
Thoughts, significant and out of the park
And love, the kind that starts a spark.
Your hair blows in the wind of the open window
You sit still, almost embracing it
still thinking
Do you feel well?
Can I ask you that yet?
Is it to early to tell
If this admiration should continue?
Will I see you again?
Will I hear you speak?
This ride may be over but I think this is a wonderful start
A start to who knows what may come
A shot in the dark if you ask me
I feel younger than you
But I am terrible at guessing ages
It all started with you on a bench
Waiting for a ride
And me admiring you from afar
You don't know i am writing this to you
But someday it might come around
I'll leave it up to fate
To destiny
And to hope
For you to get this
To know of this admiration.
There you are
Shaking your head like you shake my heart
Not a clue I'm writing this about you
Out the window you look
The look that makes me feel like you can see these words
These words I'm writing: my anthem of admiration
Focused on something on the outside
I want to know what you think
What you drink
And If you like pink
How was your day?
I'll be your friend
We'll share secrets, deep and dark
Thoughts, significant and out of the park
And love, the kind that starts a spark.
Your hair blows in the wind of the open window
You sit still, almost embracing it
still thinking
Do you feel well?
Can I ask you that yet?
Is it to early to tell
If this admiration should continue?
Will I see you again?
Will I hear you speak?
This ride may be over but I think this is a wonderful start
A start to who knows what may come
A shot in the dark if you ask me
I feel younger than you
But I am terrible at guessing ages
It all started with you on a bench
Waiting for a ride
And me admiring you from afar
You don't know i am writing this to you
But someday it might come around
I'll leave it up to fate
To destiny
And to hope
For you to get this
To know of this admiration.
September 02, 2009
Why The Good Guy Always Gets the Girl
I wrote this paper almost two years ago (oh how time flies) and I get reminded of it at times. I feel like I've posted this before so if this seems all to familiar let me know. The following is dedicated to New Life Academy, robots, and that guy who can never seem to win the heart of a lady.
This weekend I experienced Jesus in many ways.
My first experience was after watching the movie Transformers. It was pretty good, a guy movie though. I, for some reason, asked myself the question about why the hero always gets the girl in the end. I thought about it awhile and realized that the hero always gets the girl because the hero always has good character and that the action sequences in which the hero braves all and risks his life for a good cause shows that good character. The particular hero in Transformers was considered on the bottom of the totem pole by society standards (not popular). By the end of the movie he gets one of the most popular girls in school (who also had some good character). It’s always those losers in the beginning of the movie who have the best character while those jocks that have the girl in the beginning of the movie have horrible character. Now, you might be asking where the Jesus experience in all of this is. Well, if you are to look at the New Life Academy mission statement which is “Developing godly students to influence generations” and the three sections of the mission statement are Academics, Bible, and Character. Character, it’s important. So even though the hero in Transformers wasn’t necessarily Christian, he did have good character by world standards. While our Christian character might be set to a higher standard, he still reflected his passion in saving the human race and his new found robot friend. The lesson in this isn’t that good character always gets you a popular girl. The lesson about character is that our character should reflect Jesus. The hero’s character and his passion in the movie changed his life and controlled his actions. He stood up for what he believed in and fought for what he though was right. And so, like the hero in a movie, we as followers of Jesus should let our character reflect our love for God and let God control our actions and our life.
Another Jesus experience was through a song at the end of the movie, which I just downloaded and found the lyrics for. The verses of the song I’m not too attached to but the pre-chorus and the chorus is what I find intriguing. This song isn’t by a Christian artist, but anyone can still find a godly experience in them. The pre-chorus of letting mercy come and washing away I interpreted as God’s mercy coming down on us as Jesus, who died on a cross for us, and washed away my sins. No matter what I have done, no matter how horrible the sin, Jesus still died for me and still forgives me. To the chorus where it talks about facing yourself, crossing it out, erasing yourself and then letting go I interpreted as looking at yourself (such as in a mirror or self-reflecting) and crossing it out. Getting rid of the old-self and erasing it from history. You then let go of yourself and find your new life in Jesus. This can go all the way back to letting God control you and reflecting God’s character. This is a song that helped me experience God.
There are a couple other experiences I had this weekend, some good, some not so good. The basic message that I would tell people of what I learned from God this weekend would be “to reflect God’s love through my character.”
P.S. The song is "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. Check it out.
This weekend I experienced Jesus in many ways.
My first experience was after watching the movie Transformers. It was pretty good, a guy movie though. I, for some reason, asked myself the question about why the hero always gets the girl in the end. I thought about it awhile and realized that the hero always gets the girl because the hero always has good character and that the action sequences in which the hero braves all and risks his life for a good cause shows that good character. The particular hero in Transformers was considered on the bottom of the totem pole by society standards (not popular). By the end of the movie he gets one of the most popular girls in school (who also had some good character). It’s always those losers in the beginning of the movie who have the best character while those jocks that have the girl in the beginning of the movie have horrible character. Now, you might be asking where the Jesus experience in all of this is. Well, if you are to look at the New Life Academy mission statement which is “Developing godly students to influence generations” and the three sections of the mission statement are Academics, Bible, and Character. Character, it’s important. So even though the hero in Transformers wasn’t necessarily Christian, he did have good character by world standards. While our Christian character might be set to a higher standard, he still reflected his passion in saving the human race and his new found robot friend. The lesson in this isn’t that good character always gets you a popular girl. The lesson about character is that our character should reflect Jesus. The hero’s character and his passion in the movie changed his life and controlled his actions. He stood up for what he believed in and fought for what he though was right. And so, like the hero in a movie, we as followers of Jesus should let our character reflect our love for God and let God control our actions and our life.
Another Jesus experience was through a song at the end of the movie, which I just downloaded and found the lyrics for. The verses of the song I’m not too attached to but the pre-chorus and the chorus is what I find intriguing. This song isn’t by a Christian artist, but anyone can still find a godly experience in them. The pre-chorus of letting mercy come and washing away I interpreted as God’s mercy coming down on us as Jesus, who died on a cross for us, and washed away my sins. No matter what I have done, no matter how horrible the sin, Jesus still died for me and still forgives me. To the chorus where it talks about facing yourself, crossing it out, erasing yourself and then letting go I interpreted as looking at yourself (such as in a mirror or self-reflecting) and crossing it out. Getting rid of the old-self and erasing it from history. You then let go of yourself and find your new life in Jesus. This can go all the way back to letting God control you and reflecting God’s character. This is a song that helped me experience God.
There are a couple other experiences I had this weekend, some good, some not so good. The basic message that I would tell people of what I learned from God this weekend would be “to reflect God’s love through my character.”
P.S. The song is "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. Check it out.
August 30, 2009
Night Ramble
Sometimes I ramble on at night right before I go to bed. The only editing I did on this was spellcheck so the punctuation and improper capitalization's are either for effect or my laziness.
My nose is to floor
Fuel running low
Got this blessing in my life
but don't know what it's heading towards
simple times, simple moments
that take my breath away
A life undeserved
but someone was willing to pay
Forehead hitting desk straight ahead
eyes closing thinking of what is around the bend
breathing in, breathing out
heart beating, pounding, thumping
nostrils flaring, eyes are glazing
at the sound of this rhyme
or the fact that I'm out of time
lamp pointing up
right towards the sky
light beams fading the higher you go
I look up and ask why
Please meet me somewhere down the road
some place where comfort surrounds
where love is free and honest
where a blanket is not far from reach
where sunsets are pretty
and the milky way shines
where honesty breeds integrity
and every moment
takes your breath away
Cant look back and see what is there
disgust and anguish of past mistakes
but laughs and memories from old times
learning from experience
and experiences from learning
rambling now words fall short from my mind
but still something there, whispering something kind
a soft voice, like the wind of the sea
yet a powerful voice, like the guard of the night
A ramble in the night.
My nose is to floor
Fuel running low
Got this blessing in my life
but don't know what it's heading towards
simple times, simple moments
that take my breath away
A life undeserved
but someone was willing to pay
Forehead hitting desk straight ahead
eyes closing thinking of what is around the bend
breathing in, breathing out
heart beating, pounding, thumping
nostrils flaring, eyes are glazing
at the sound of this rhyme
or the fact that I'm out of time
lamp pointing up
right towards the sky
light beams fading the higher you go
I look up and ask why
Please meet me somewhere down the road
some place where comfort surrounds
where love is free and honest
where a blanket is not far from reach
where sunsets are pretty
and the milky way shines
where honesty breeds integrity
and every moment
takes your breath away
Cant look back and see what is there
disgust and anguish of past mistakes
but laughs and memories from old times
learning from experience
and experiences from learning
rambling now words fall short from my mind
but still something there, whispering something kind
a soft voice, like the wind of the sea
yet a powerful voice, like the guard of the night
A ramble in the night.
August 29, 2009
The Great Adventure
I was at the doctors office awhile back. I like my doctor. He's cares not only for your physical well-being but also your mental well-being. The majority of his conversation to you isn't about how to eat better or exercise regularly but rather it is about how your parents love you no matter what and no matter what you do to not be afraid to call them. He tells you not to waste such glorious opportunities you have at this great time in life.
I told him a little bit about my first year at college and how I transferred back home from Baylor to Bethel, or the BU switch. He said what everyone else says,"Good for you, Bethel is a great school." He went back to his time at college and how it's ok not to be sure about things. How it is ok to switch and go to a place where you are more comfortable.
The thing that got to me was when he said, "It's part of the adventure that you went down there, and it's part of the adventure that you came back."
Adventure. I never have thought of life as an adventure but after thinking about it for awhile it is a true thing. That's why everyones' story is unique and our your life story is not boring.
I could never write about what is going to happen in my life. The adventure holds things around the corner and places yet to be visited. Experiences that have yet to be uncovered. Uncharted grounds will be explored and conquered. Tastes yet to be found. Love will be found, lost, destroyed, crushed, lifted, and embraced. Tears will fall like waterfalls and friends will be there in support like the roots of a tree.
I don't think God intended life to be a perfectly planned out calendar. I think He meant to put in those little surprises, those little bumps in the road. Yet another little thing to put into my every day realizations that God is present. Turn over stones, unlock hidden places, and explore every nook and cranny of life. God put us on this amazing playground where the adventure can take place. We're all in amazing moments in this adventure called life, go explore it.
I told him a little bit about my first year at college and how I transferred back home from Baylor to Bethel, or the BU switch. He said what everyone else says,"Good for you, Bethel is a great school." He went back to his time at college and how it's ok not to be sure about things. How it is ok to switch and go to a place where you are more comfortable.
The thing that got to me was when he said, "It's part of the adventure that you went down there, and it's part of the adventure that you came back."
Adventure. I never have thought of life as an adventure but after thinking about it for awhile it is a true thing. That's why everyones' story is unique and our your life story is not boring.
I could never write about what is going to happen in my life. The adventure holds things around the corner and places yet to be visited. Experiences that have yet to be uncovered. Uncharted grounds will be explored and conquered. Tastes yet to be found. Love will be found, lost, destroyed, crushed, lifted, and embraced. Tears will fall like waterfalls and friends will be there in support like the roots of a tree.
I don't think God intended life to be a perfectly planned out calendar. I think He meant to put in those little surprises, those little bumps in the road. Yet another little thing to put into my every day realizations that God is present. Turn over stones, unlock hidden places, and explore every nook and cranny of life. God put us on this amazing playground where the adventure can take place. We're all in amazing moments in this adventure called life, go explore it.
August 28, 2009
How to be an Artist
I found this poster at a doctors office and I liked it. So here it is:
Stay loose. learn to watch snails.
plant impossible gardens. invite
someone dangerous to tea. make
little signs that say Yes! and post
them all over your house. Make friends
with freedom & uncertainty. look forward
to dreams. cry during movies. swing
as high as you can on a swingset
by moonlight. cultivate moods. refuse
to "be responsible." do it for love.
take lots of naps. give money away.
do it now. the money will follow.
believe in magic. laugh a lot.
celebrate every gorgeous moment.
take moonbaths. have wild
imaginings, transformative dreams,
and perfect calm. draw on the walls.
read everyday. imagine yourself
magic. giggle with children. listen
to old people. open up. dive in. be free.
bless yourself. drive away fear.
play with everything. entertain
your inner child. you are innocent.
build a fort with blankets. get wet.
hug trees.
Write love letters.
Stay loose. learn to watch snails.
plant impossible gardens. invite
someone dangerous to tea. make
little signs that say Yes! and post
them all over your house. Make friends
with freedom & uncertainty. look forward
to dreams. cry during movies. swing
as high as you can on a swingset
by moonlight. cultivate moods. refuse
to "be responsible." do it for love.
take lots of naps. give money away.
do it now. the money will follow.
believe in magic. laugh a lot.
celebrate every gorgeous moment.
take moonbaths. have wild
imaginings, transformative dreams,
and perfect calm. draw on the walls.
read everyday. imagine yourself
magic. giggle with children. listen
to old people. open up. dive in. be free.
bless yourself. drive away fear.
play with everything. entertain
your inner child. you are innocent.
build a fort with blankets. get wet.
hug trees.
Write love letters.
August 09, 2009
The Greatest Commandment
Writing this one in the car. Sitting in my seat watching lightning run throughout the clouds and little raindrops fall onto the windshield. Lifehouse playing on the radio. Song says "I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around."
I wonder how much I would do for someone or for something. How far would I go in order to get someone I want. Follow them to the end of the earth? Call just to hear their voice? Talk to them and always say the ultimate Tom Cruise line,"You complete me."
Someone that is my other half. Holding on to the other half of my heart waiting for that other piece to complete the puzzle. Like the Kanye song, maybe we're all heartless. A solo is inspiring but a duet brings hope and change.
Strong and compassionate are words that seem totally different but after some time seem like a perfect match. I would like to be strong and compassionate.
Strength helps with confidence in my opinion. Something that makes you a little bolder in things you do. It makes you surprise yourself at times. I imagine strength as standing up for what is right, being a leader, a follower, and lifting heavy things over your head and then chest bumping your bro while screaming deeply.
Compassion is something that I feel shows justice, love, and sincerity. It's loving your neighbor as yourself, the greatest commandment, in action. Compassion, to me, is hugging someone that feels down, helping someone stuck on the side of the road, and crying while watching Marley and Me.
The greatest commandment includes a combination of compassion and strength, I think would be buying food for the homeless, talking with the socially outcast, and maybe crying after you chest bump your buddy.
I wonder how much I would do for someone or for something. How far would I go in order to get someone I want. Follow them to the end of the earth? Call just to hear their voice? Talk to them and always say the ultimate Tom Cruise line,"You complete me."
Someone that is my other half. Holding on to the other half of my heart waiting for that other piece to complete the puzzle. Like the Kanye song, maybe we're all heartless. A solo is inspiring but a duet brings hope and change.
Strong and compassionate are words that seem totally different but after some time seem like a perfect match. I would like to be strong and compassionate.
Strength helps with confidence in my opinion. Something that makes you a little bolder in things you do. It makes you surprise yourself at times. I imagine strength as standing up for what is right, being a leader, a follower, and lifting heavy things over your head and then chest bumping your bro while screaming deeply.
Compassion is something that I feel shows justice, love, and sincerity. It's loving your neighbor as yourself, the greatest commandment, in action. Compassion, to me, is hugging someone that feels down, helping someone stuck on the side of the road, and crying while watching Marley and Me.
The greatest commandment includes a combination of compassion and strength, I think would be buying food for the homeless, talking with the socially outcast, and maybe crying after you chest bump your buddy.
July 26, 2009
Delayed
I have not written in awhile. Which kind of saddens me. And while this post/note/blog thing might be short it is a start. It's not that I haven't stopped writing or anything I just have never completed a blog yet. I have many drafts lined up just waiting to be finished. It's almost midnight and I thought throughout my day something that would be worthy to blog about.
I was talking to a friend and we came to the conclusion about lucky we are. It reminded me of the play Suessical my high school did awhile back. During one of the songs the line, "Tell yourself, how lucky you are," struck me. It's very hard to stay positive when you're down in the dumps. When something goes all wrong.
In the end, don't forget to remember how lucky you are.
I was talking to a friend and we came to the conclusion about lucky we are. It reminded me of the play Suessical my high school did awhile back. During one of the songs the line, "Tell yourself, how lucky you are," struck me. It's very hard to stay positive when you're down in the dumps. When something goes all wrong.
In the end, don't forget to remember how lucky you are.
June 18, 2009
Defining Moments
My friend and I went to a park tonight that overlooked St. Paul. Sitting under a tree on a bench seeing the city was spectacular on this clear night. In the distance we could see a long line of clouds with lightning going off every few seconds. Words cannot describe the beauty and magnitude of what I was seeing with my eyes. Time stood still and we watched all the lightning clouds pass by while pointing out a face we saw in the clouds and talking about taking risks, dancing, and how lucky we are. All I could do was stare at these clouds thinking about everything I've done so far in life and how the future can be whatever I make it.
It's a shame I didn't have my camera...
I realized that there are defining moments in my life; most of which I write about in these blogs. It's moments like watching lightning clouds that inspire and influence me. They define or separate themselves from the normal circle of life. No longer is it wake up, go to work, workout, eat, sleep, and repeat but it is something totally different. This defining moments that puts a pause button on life and lets you breathe different air, smell different smells, and bask in the glory of something new and holy. It is almost like getting high on life, but without the drugs. It is moments like tonight's that define who I become later, moments that you can't forget, moments that take your breath away.
I told my friend that sitting there on the bench was probably one of my top ten moments. I realized then and there how lucky I am. Somehow, someway I ended up sitting on a hard bench at a park I have never been to watching one of the greatest sights I couldn't possibly imagine. Thoughts poured into my head about how I would define this moment, and how I would write about what changed in me. I don't think words can describe what happened, it was an experience.
I imagine it as one of those moments that painters paint, that musicians write songs about, that authors write books about, that leaders draw inspiration from, and that people just watch and not say a word so as not to interrupt the beauty.
"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away" -Will Smith in Hitch
Yes, I quoted something from the movie Hitch and I feel pretty weird about it...
It's a shame I didn't have my camera...
I realized that there are defining moments in my life; most of which I write about in these blogs. It's moments like watching lightning clouds that inspire and influence me. They define or separate themselves from the normal circle of life. No longer is it wake up, go to work, workout, eat, sleep, and repeat but it is something totally different. This defining moments that puts a pause button on life and lets you breathe different air, smell different smells, and bask in the glory of something new and holy. It is almost like getting high on life, but without the drugs. It is moments like tonight's that define who I become later, moments that you can't forget, moments that take your breath away.
I told my friend that sitting there on the bench was probably one of my top ten moments. I realized then and there how lucky I am. Somehow, someway I ended up sitting on a hard bench at a park I have never been to watching one of the greatest sights I couldn't possibly imagine. Thoughts poured into my head about how I would define this moment, and how I would write about what changed in me. I don't think words can describe what happened, it was an experience.
I imagine it as one of those moments that painters paint, that musicians write songs about, that authors write books about, that leaders draw inspiration from, and that people just watch and not say a word so as not to interrupt the beauty.
"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away" -Will Smith in Hitch
Yes, I quoted something from the movie Hitch and I feel pretty weird about it...
June 05, 2009
This Too Shall Be Made Right
You know when all hope seems lost? The feeling that the whole world seems to just never want to change? When you feel as if you are backup up against a wall and hundred people are coming at you?
I've had this feeling in me for some time when my patience becomes low and I wish magically it would all become better. This song reminded me that in the end everything will be made right. That God will come down and change everything. There is a time for everything under the sun. A time for good and a time for bad. In the end though, it shall too be made right. Change will come, it will come through God, and He shall make it right. I don't know how it will be done but when it does come I can't wait.
I saw a bunch of people with picket signs awhile back. There were marching around in a tight circle on the side of the road. The only part of the sign I could read was the word "unfair" written on the sign. I think the rest was about labor and work hours but I am not so sure. They marched around for a couple hours I think and their signs were lower the second time I passed them rather than the first.
I do know this: That God is just, and God is love.
May 17, 2009
Letting Go
I've been struggling lately with letting go of things. I have heard many quotes from songs and such that say something like, "If you love something give it away." It usually adds onto that with, "If it loves you it will come back." Things like this always seem to make me try to make sense of it, but I always come out of it utterly confused. I ask myself if I love something why would I give it away?
You could say that I'm not struggling with loving something but rather loving someone. Times come and go where I feel abandoned and hopeless with them but I am still completely and utterly awestruck in love with them. I think about it consistently and always come to the point where I have to let them go and see if they come back.
So no more pursuing, chasing, or consistently depending upon them. I feel that when I do this I always set myself up for pure disappointment.
I mean, maybe they just don't love me back or in the same fashion that I do? Maybe letting go would be the best for both of us? Maybe the likeness we have for each other will never amount to anything more than what I wish for it to become? Maybe it's my fault? Can't they just send me out a lifeline?
I am in this constant battle of hanging on and not giving up to disappointment, a broken heart, and letting go completely. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough because, to me, letting go seems to be the easy way out and just giving up and settling for second rate. I don't want to be like that. If I do let go, I would at least like to say that I put all my cards on the table.
When I abandon all my dreams of being with them is when I feel at my weakest. I'm mixed with emotions flowing through my heart and mind. I feel hopeless inside, almost as if I am destined to be alone all my life jut to prove that they were the only true person that was perfect for me.
I imagine a desk with a single lamp, a pen, and blank pieces of paper to write everything I can in order to share my thoughts and feelings. Everything I would write would become dedicated to them and every writing would use symbols and signs directed toward them signifying I can't let them go.
Sometimes it feels very hopeful like a burden lifted off my shoulders. For brief moments I feel empowered and encouraged to move on and that actually letting go can be freeing for me to explore all my abilities and ambitions. The downside is that it is lonely and depressing. Empty desk, blank paper, dark spaces are things I see in this hopelessness.
So I become confused at what to do. Letting go leads to loneliness while hanging on leads to disappointed wishes. The good thing is that love never leaves.
You could say that I'm not struggling with loving something but rather loving someone. Times come and go where I feel abandoned and hopeless with them but I am still completely and utterly awestruck in love with them. I think about it consistently and always come to the point where I have to let them go and see if they come back.
So no more pursuing, chasing, or consistently depending upon them. I feel that when I do this I always set myself up for pure disappointment.
I mean, maybe they just don't love me back or in the same fashion that I do? Maybe letting go would be the best for both of us? Maybe the likeness we have for each other will never amount to anything more than what I wish for it to become? Maybe it's my fault? Can't they just send me out a lifeline?
I am in this constant battle of hanging on and not giving up to disappointment, a broken heart, and letting go completely. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough because, to me, letting go seems to be the easy way out and just giving up and settling for second rate. I don't want to be like that. If I do let go, I would at least like to say that I put all my cards on the table.
When I abandon all my dreams of being with them is when I feel at my weakest. I'm mixed with emotions flowing through my heart and mind. I feel hopeless inside, almost as if I am destined to be alone all my life jut to prove that they were the only true person that was perfect for me.
I imagine a desk with a single lamp, a pen, and blank pieces of paper to write everything I can in order to share my thoughts and feelings. Everything I would write would become dedicated to them and every writing would use symbols and signs directed toward them signifying I can't let them go.
Sometimes it feels very hopeful like a burden lifted off my shoulders. For brief moments I feel empowered and encouraged to move on and that actually letting go can be freeing for me to explore all my abilities and ambitions. The downside is that it is lonely and depressing. Empty desk, blank paper, dark spaces are things I see in this hopelessness.
So I become confused at what to do. Letting go leads to loneliness while hanging on leads to disappointed wishes. The good thing is that love never leaves.
"I don't want to lose you all over again. So here's my heart, I'll give it over and over again..."
-Mat Kearney
-Mat Kearney
May 10, 2009
Christian Crazies
I found this article that blew my mind and that you can find here.
No wonder people think Christians are crazy. I don't know where my faith would be without rock music. I don't know where my faith would be without the freedom to dance at will. Articles like this taint the view of what Christianity is really about. Articles like this is why I don't like calling myself a Christian. I would rather be called a loving person who is trying to reflect Jesus' revolutionary love in the world. The word "Christian" comes with too much baggage. This reminds me of the movie "Footloose" where the kids fight for the right to have a school dance.
For those who couldn't go to the link here is the article:
FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.
Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.
Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.
The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.
Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.
"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.
Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.
"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."
England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.
"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.
The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."
England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.
"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."
The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.
"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.
___
No wonder people think Christians are crazy. I don't know where my faith would be without rock music. I don't know where my faith would be without the freedom to dance at will. Articles like this taint the view of what Christianity is really about. Articles like this is why I don't like calling myself a Christian. I would rather be called a loving person who is trying to reflect Jesus' revolutionary love in the world. The word "Christian" comes with too much baggage. This reminds me of the movie "Footloose" where the kids fight for the right to have a school dance.
For those who couldn't go to the link here is the article:
FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.
Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.
Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.
The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.
Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.
"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.
Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.
"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."
England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.
"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.
The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."
England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.
"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."
The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.
"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.
___
May 07, 2009
Birthday
It was my roommates birthday yesterday. It's funny how everyone treats someone different when it is their birthday. All of us treated him special and tried not to embarrass him too much.
I realized that we should treat people like it is always their birthday. If everyday was our birthday I think everyone would be kind to one another all the time. Of course I don't think we would get presents every day but people would still be nice to us.
I think next time some stranger says something mean to me I'm just going to tell him it's my birthday because wouldn't that make him feel guilty about being mean? I would then tell him that it is not actually my birthday that I was just playing a trick but I accept his apology anyway. So I guess just imagine that everyday is your friends birthday and treat 'em as such.
I realized that we should treat people like it is always their birthday. If everyday was our birthday I think everyone would be kind to one another all the time. Of course I don't think we would get presents every day but people would still be nice to us.
I think next time some stranger says something mean to me I'm just going to tell him it's my birthday because wouldn't that make him feel guilty about being mean? I would then tell him that it is not actually my birthday that I was just playing a trick but I accept his apology anyway. So I guess just imagine that everyday is your friends birthday and treat 'em as such.
May 02, 2009
Tough Questions
My cousin recently died in Iraq and I promised myself I wouldn't blog about it because I didn't want to. The story is that he died by a suicide bomber. The thing that makes the story special is that he and his company engaged the suicide bomber and shot him which in turn saved lives. News articles were written in the paper and stories were run in the news about my cousins' death. They interviewed my uncle and how he felt about his death. His neighborhood street was lined with American Flags and yellow ribbons. He was honored in the Iowa Senate. The funeral visitation lasted eight hours. My mom wrote the following in an e-mail sent to me. I only share this with you because I found them quite hard to ponder about and think about. I do not look for sympathy.
The whole thing was overwhelming. There was so much to think about and I am still processing my thoughts on life, war, honor, freedom, military service etc.
- Sacrifice a life for the country's freedom vs Jesus’ sacrifice for our freedom?
- Why the military is steeped with honor and respect and pride and the church is not?
- Why ordinary people would stop and get out of their cars in the middle of the freeway in the cold drizzly weather to stand respectfully with their hand on their hearts or saluting, while the funeral processional went by?
- How when you sign up for the military, the military becomes your family - or does it become your religion, since you are to obey your commander above all else?
- Does showing a military slide show at the funeral glorify war/violence? Isn’t Jesus for peace?
- Did they have a funeral for the suicide bomber? Is him family mourning him the same way we are mourning?
- His brother wants to go to Iraq and get revenge for his brother's death. What do you say to him?
- What motivates the guy who voluntarily drove over 50 miles to put up over 300 American Flags around the outside of the church?
- What would Jesus do?
He did witness to his fellow soldiers about Jesus while in Iraq.
And there are others coming to Christ as a result of his quote.
"It's like this. All the other pretend gods want you to die for them, but instead
Jesus died for you."
This is how I replied:
I admire all the patriotic flag-waving things done in honor of what he did. I'm just not quite sure what to think about all this either I guess. I think I just don't like politics/patriotism and religion mixed together. Those are tough questions. Very tough questions.
- I think Jesus' sacrifice for our freedom trumps all. He died not just serving for a country but died for all of mankind serving God.
- After reading "Jesus for President" and reading about how much of tax payers money goes into the army and war I do not think highly of the Army. I appreciate what they do protecting our country, just don't like the way they go about it. We had a chapel speaker once who would go out in the street and ask people what they thought of Christians and then ask them what they thought about Jesus. They responded that Christians were hypocrites, cults, and responsible for the Crusades while Jesus was God's Son who died for us.
- I don't know what motivated people to stop in the middle of the highway.
- Martin Luther King wrote about law once. He wrote that there is earthly law and heavenly law. Some laws are the same (murder is wrong) and some laws are different. He says heavenly law trumps all. So I guess if an Army commander goes against heavenly law, you follow the real commander of Jesus Christ.
- If I were to make a slideshow at a funeral I would hope it glorifies service and sacrifice, not war/violence. I guess people interpret things differently. I remember seeing a campaign ad supporting McCain and it was a soldier glorifying the war. It showed him close up then slowly zoomed back to reveal that he had lost his leg in combat. I guess that sends a message for war glory.
- I would assume they had a funeral for him. I think their religion glorifies honor and dedication through suicide bombing the same way we glorify it through fighting for freedom.
- On revenge: Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19
- I guess the guy who drives that far feels compelled to put up flags the same way dad felt compelled to stick around for the funeral for so long.
- I don't know what Jesus would do. He wept when he learned that Lazarus died and visited their family, but he didn't die in a war or by a suicide bomber.
It's all very confusing and I'm never quite sure what to think. Comments?
The Judge
"Sure, I'm a sinner, but not as bad as that guy over there."
I think we all do that a lot on comparing ourselves to other when we should really be looking at the plank in our own eye. Community helps lower judging others I think. I can enjoy people without judging them first. I must first look in the mirror and see myself and then look at them. We all make mistakes and to judge someone else for something you have done is not fair.
I usually do this backwards. I usually judge my roommates and convict them about it and then realize that I have done the same things. There is no degree of what is worse than which. My roommates are highly judgemental people, but so am I. They judge people they don't know based on how they're dressed or what they said. So do I. They curse with their tongues and have little respect for others. So do I. They're two-faced people. They act differently depending on the person or gender they are hanging out with. So do I.
Slowly realizing this makes me convicted and makes me feel terrible. How is it possible to critique someone without critiquing yourself? I guess it would be both admitting that you are both sinners and both need help. So I guess it is a tag team thing; both of us battling together to become better people. In the end, we'll never reach perfect people status.
We cannot judge one another because we're all imperfect. Yes, terrorists are just as bad as you and me. The ACLU, democrats, republicans, and atheists are just as worthy to be judged as you and me. For there is only One who is able to judge us. He is perfection and the only perfection. We are not worthy of Him but that is not the case. He sent the perfect spotless lamb to be sacrificed so that we may be perfect through Him. He is the Judge.
Judge Judy can't touch this...
I think we all do that a lot on comparing ourselves to other when we should really be looking at the plank in our own eye. Community helps lower judging others I think. I can enjoy people without judging them first. I must first look in the mirror and see myself and then look at them. We all make mistakes and to judge someone else for something you have done is not fair.
I usually do this backwards. I usually judge my roommates and convict them about it and then realize that I have done the same things. There is no degree of what is worse than which. My roommates are highly judgemental people, but so am I. They judge people they don't know based on how they're dressed or what they said. So do I. They curse with their tongues and have little respect for others. So do I. They're two-faced people. They act differently depending on the person or gender they are hanging out with. So do I.
Slowly realizing this makes me convicted and makes me feel terrible. How is it possible to critique someone without critiquing yourself? I guess it would be both admitting that you are both sinners and both need help. So I guess it is a tag team thing; both of us battling together to become better people. In the end, we'll never reach perfect people status.
We cannot judge one another because we're all imperfect. Yes, terrorists are just as bad as you and me. The ACLU, democrats, republicans, and atheists are just as worthy to be judged as you and me. For there is only One who is able to judge us. He is perfection and the only perfection. We are not worthy of Him but that is not the case. He sent the perfect spotless lamb to be sacrificed so that we may be perfect through Him. He is the Judge.
Judge Judy can't touch this...
April 27, 2009
Worship : Chapter 9
I wrote the following in 11th grade for my bible class and I thought I'd share it with you. For class we had to read a chapter out of this book called "Finding Faith" by Brian D. McLaren and then answer some response questions replying what we got out of the chapter. This is what I got out of chapter nine.
I have experienced God through Ritual, Nature, and Art/Worship the most out of the five experiences. I have examples from all of the three above which I will discuss in another question.
Worship/Art: I am interested in further pursuing worship and art. It’s hard to do something you love and still keep God involved sometimes. For me, my personal experience in this is baseball. I absolutely positively without-a-doubt love baseball. I love playing it and I enjoy watching it (hence the die hard Twins fan). There were times were I would think that I loved baseball more than I loved God. I realized then how much I was grabbing onto a worldly desire and possession. God is so much better than any worldly possession of desire. I think so many professional athletes play for only for themselves so much, and that they only play to earn the big contract to spend on other worldly possessions. Other athletes who play for the love of the game, which are a select few, are the ones who have the good attitude and love playing the game. I think Morneau said it best when discussing his contract when he said “That my agents job, I just want to play baseball.” Wow, sorry totally getting off topic. Recently, in the beginning of baseball season, Mr. Callahan talks about who we represent on and off the field. He told us that the biggest thing we represent as part of this team is God. He said how you play out there in the field is an act of worship. My mom always tells me to do the best I can in everything even if I don’t like it (homework). I think God wants you to be successful in everything you do, but to always do it not for worldly glory, but for the Lord.
Ritual: Something that stuck out to me when it talked about rituals was a story about when I first started working out on a consistent basis. People say it takes at least 21 days to get into a continuous habit. I’m not sure that this section is also considered to be habitual but I only worked out if other people were working out to keep me company. After awhile I would start working out by myself cause because it became a habit. I’ll admit it was harder with nobody around to push me to my limits but it still became a habit. Another time for me was trying to get me to read the Bible everyday, it was hard for me because I would always find an excuse to not do it and it was hard for me to keep it a habit. Then someone became my accountability partner and reminded me a lot to read my bible everyday, it was very encouraging for me and really enjoyed it. This person was somewhat of an odd source for being such an encouragement for me but I really appreciated it and reading my bible everyday eventually became a habit for me. He also talks about how habits are too much and how when we do them everyday they just get old and you don’t tend to learn anything from them. That is true in some respects, going to church every Sunday can sometimes be a drag, I'll be honest. Working out every day seemed to do nothing for me, but when you look at the end result, from the first time you worked out to the last time, you can really really see a difference. I think if you have the right mind set and want to expand in your relationship with God and church then it won't become such a drag.
Nature: I like taking pictures a lot, and every time I take nature shot and analyze it I can always see God’s beautiful design in this world. There is this spot at my cabin (which I’m not exactly fond of) that I can see all the way down the lake and all the trees and sunsets and the way the light comes from it is just marvelous. A moment happened today when I was procrastinating before dinner and not doing homework. I was looking at Brittany Brackett’s Facebook pictures from her recent mission trip to somewhere and it had this picture of some flowers in a sketchy part of town. Under the picture was a caption “God’s beauty in an ugly place.” It struck me as that God is everywhere, even in the most desolate places.
I have experienced God through Ritual, Nature, and Art/Worship the most out of the five experiences. I have examples from all of the three above which I will discuss in another question.
Worship/Art: I am interested in further pursuing worship and art. It’s hard to do something you love and still keep God involved sometimes. For me, my personal experience in this is baseball. I absolutely positively without-a-doubt love baseball. I love playing it and I enjoy watching it (hence the die hard Twins fan). There were times were I would think that I loved baseball more than I loved God. I realized then how much I was grabbing onto a worldly desire and possession. God is so much better than any worldly possession of desire. I think so many professional athletes play for only for themselves so much, and that they only play to earn the big contract to spend on other worldly possessions. Other athletes who play for the love of the game, which are a select few, are the ones who have the good attitude and love playing the game. I think Morneau said it best when discussing his contract when he said “That my agents job, I just want to play baseball.” Wow, sorry totally getting off topic. Recently, in the beginning of baseball season, Mr. Callahan talks about who we represent on and off the field. He told us that the biggest thing we represent as part of this team is God. He said how you play out there in the field is an act of worship. My mom always tells me to do the best I can in everything even if I don’t like it (homework). I think God wants you to be successful in everything you do, but to always do it not for worldly glory, but for the Lord.
Ritual: Something that stuck out to me when it talked about rituals was a story about when I first started working out on a consistent basis. People say it takes at least 21 days to get into a continuous habit. I’m not sure that this section is also considered to be habitual but I only worked out if other people were working out to keep me company. After awhile I would start working out by myself cause because it became a habit. I’ll admit it was harder with nobody around to push me to my limits but it still became a habit. Another time for me was trying to get me to read the Bible everyday, it was hard for me because I would always find an excuse to not do it and it was hard for me to keep it a habit. Then someone became my accountability partner and reminded me a lot to read my bible everyday, it was very encouraging for me and really enjoyed it. This person was somewhat of an odd source for being such an encouragement for me but I really appreciated it and reading my bible everyday eventually became a habit for me. He also talks about how habits are too much and how when we do them everyday they just get old and you don’t tend to learn anything from them. That is true in some respects, going to church every Sunday can sometimes be a drag, I'll be honest. Working out every day seemed to do nothing for me, but when you look at the end result, from the first time you worked out to the last time, you can really really see a difference. I think if you have the right mind set and want to expand in your relationship with God and church then it won't become such a drag.
Nature: I like taking pictures a lot, and every time I take nature shot and analyze it I can always see God’s beautiful design in this world. There is this spot at my cabin (which I’m not exactly fond of) that I can see all the way down the lake and all the trees and sunsets and the way the light comes from it is just marvelous. A moment happened today when I was procrastinating before dinner and not doing homework. I was looking at Brittany Brackett’s Facebook pictures from her recent mission trip to somewhere and it had this picture of some flowers in a sketchy part of town. Under the picture was a caption “God’s beauty in an ugly place.” It struck me as that God is everywhere, even in the most desolate places.
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