Umbrella

It's springtime and I have forgotten how much it rains in the spring time.

Whenever it rains I always look for my umbrella but then I remember that I left my umbrella in my car and question to myself why in the world I would leave it in there since my car isn't in a garage.

Anyways, umbrellas are a recent symbol of my life and here's why:

When it rains you use an umbrella to protect yourself from getting wet. So you open up the umbrella and put it over your head and if you follow those directions you should stay mostly dry. Everything under the umbrella is enveloped by the umbrella.

Now imagine the umbrella is a representative of your personality or identity and now ask yourself,
"What should be the main label of that umbrella?"
"What should envelope me at the core of my being?"
"What should be the center of me as a whole person?"

For me, I came to the conclusion that the umbrella of my life should be my spirituality. By spirituality, I mean essentially my relationship with God and the effects of that on my character or being. I found that at the center of everything I do should be spirituality. Every activity should be enveloped or defined around my spirituality. My identity should be rooted in my spirituality.

Everything else should fall under the umbrella.

So, I found that I do not always live my life this way. In fact, I seem to have multiple "umbrellas" at times. I define myself differently depending on the situation. When interacting with girls I defined myself by my abilities or assets. When I drove I defined myself by my skills and knowledge of the road. When eating I defined myself by self-control and smart habits. When playing sports I defined myself by being a leader and an all around good sport while still being good at it.

A lot of it was a pride thing.

And I can't say I am all better now or that I have drastically improved my life since I came to the "Umbrella Theory" but I will say that it is good to at least acknowledge it in my life and be able to remember it at times. I am nowhere near getting a solid grasp at it but changing how you view things takes time, prayer, and humility.

As I write this it is 2:00am and there is a cool breeze flowing through the window. In the sky there is lightning, some thunder, but no rain. Now I imagine it in a spiritual sense, and I think of heaven; and that it must be picture day and it is beautiful. Angels are getting there picture taken with every flash, and no one is crying because they have to dress up, or smile with braces, but rather everyone is applauding because everyone is making funny faces in the camera.

Confessions

While in New Orleans I was reminded of a way to pray. We went through the acronym A.C.T.S.. The same one I used in fifth grade.

Adoration. Confession. Thanksgiving. Supplication.

My favorite so far is confession.

Because confession involves self-disclosure.

Self-disclosure leads to a more intimate relationship.

And if there is someone you should have an intimate relationship with it should be God.

It's interesting the level of comfort I receive just by expressing myself to God. I ask God questions like, "Why did this happen?" or "How do you feel about this?" or "Do you have a beard?" I also tell God about how I feel like "I'm crushing on this girl" and "I am unsure about my future" and "This made me laugh today." I find it very powerful not only in my relationship with God, but also with others.

I find that since my initiation of this prayer process I am able to self-disclose to others much easier.

It seems almost magical. I feel more confident in my personal relationships. It could be because I am more confident in my relationship with God or maybe God is just blessing me more and more because this is the story He wants me to follow.

It is nice sharing with God about life and in turn being able to share it with others more confidently.

There is this scene in the movie(and the book) Blue Like Jazz that involves confession and I found it very powerful, maybe you will too; not just in the movie, but in your own life.

1,000 Words

The saying goes that a picture is worth a thousand words. My goal for this is to describe what happened in exactly one thousand words. Wish me luck. If you’re keeping track, the end of this sentence is thirty-nine.

When I first saw this picture I thought nothing of it. I said, “well, that is New Orleans.” But usually when you look at a piece of art you think nothing of it until you stop and think about it for a while. Staring at it for a couple minutes also helps. I submit to you now that this is a piece of art.

Off in the distance, in the way back, the way way back, you see this bridge, tall and illustrious, leading to who knows where and you see power lines going somewhere and coming from somewhere.
At first, I see houses, many houses with roofs. Some of the houses look pretty decent while one, that white one right in the center of the picture, looks beat up, abandoned, and in need of help. The paint is chipping and some of the windows look broken.

A little closer now the houses look pretty well maintained. The siding looks good, the roof isn’t faded and the window has a screen over it to keep out bugs.

But then there is this awkward looking green and yellow hump on the top of the roof. After you look at it awhile you see that it is a bunch of yellow flowers blooming, showing off their beauty to earth and sky.

And then focusing on the picture as a whole you see beauty, brokenness, and a bridge all within the same picture. A picture worth a thousand words. And now I find myself interpreting what this means. Why is the bridge so far away? Why is beauty and brokenness so close together? What is the story behind the brokenness and the beauty, or, what is the story behind the story?

I find this picture intriguing because it offers a simplified version of life in a community.

Yes, this is a common sight in the city of New Orleans. Abandoned houses next to perfectly livable houses. It was a hurricane that caused the separation between the beauty and the broken. Some people got through their brokenness, while others are still in it. As the abandoned houses get more broken, the livable houses keep going. God showed me what community was while I was down in New Orleans.

But what about the bridge? What does that mean? When you go over a large bridge you are usually exiting or entering a city. A city is a busy place usually. Life can be busy sometimes too. Do you ever have that moment where you think, “I just want to get out of here, away from it all. I just want a new surrounding, a place away from the busyness.” If you have; you might be looking for a bridge to cross, to get away from it all.

The bridge is something deeper than that though. The bridge is an escape towards a perfect place. I have to remind myself that this is earth, and earth is broken, and earthly things break, like houses. I look forward towards heaven, where nothing will be broken, everything will be beautiful and we get to worship that beauty. That’s how I view the bridge. A reminder that heaven is coming.

The church we partnered with in New Orleans, Castle Rock Community Church, is intentional at being a community of people. They recognize the brokenness, and show them beauty. They recognize the area around them and notice a need, and do their best to make things beautiful. God makes beautiful things. I mean, look at those flowers.
It was in New Orleans where I realized that this picture isn’t just specific to New Orleans but it can also be applied to any community. There is a need wherever you go. You can find places that have beauty and brokenness right across the street.

The community down there realizes the beauty in the brokenness and stemming from that realization they put themselves out there to make a community. A park that was notorious for drugs deal and shootings is now a safe place for kids to play and ride their bikes.

God also revealed to me that I have to recognize the brokenness in my own life and in order to eliminate that brokenness I have to eliminate the “do not disturb” sign I wear around my next, eliminate my pride, and reveal to the community my hurts and struggles. C.S. Lewis describes pride as the Great Sin. Pride is at the core of selfishness. I am a selfish person.

Jesus was the one that did life with the broken. Mark 2:17 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus goes to the broken and makes them beautiful. There is this rapper named Kanye West, and there is a line in one of his songs that I find absolutely beautiful. It goes, “To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers, even the strippers, Jesus walks with them” Think of the story of the Good Samaritan and the beauty of healing the broken.

Last, but not least. God revealed to me spiritual joy. I find myself smiling at random times during the day thinking about something that happened in New Orleans. I left Bethel with 9 people and came back with a community. We now tweet each other inside jokes, except three of you, who refuse to join the Twitter nation. Hashtag get at me.

New Orleans is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. That house in the middle of the picture is a beautiful place because it is broken. That brokenness represents vulnerability, openness, and an opportunity. Our life is this picture.

And there it is; New Orleans in exactly one thousand words. Thank You.

Legacy

It's about 1:00am on Sunday night.

I had some pop about three hours ago. Big mistake, I'll be up all night probably.

So I bought the Gungor album and am sitting totally awake in a dark dorm room with new music playing through my headphones as my roommates sleep soundly. For those of you who ask; the Gungor album is pretty good so far, a good use of my gift card I got for Christmas. Thank you to whoever got that for me.

I have been haunted lately.

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago while eating Chipotle that has caused this haunting. It went something like this:
FRIEND: "so what are you doing with the rest of your night?"
ME: "oh you know, changing the world." (said sarcastically, I actually had nothing to do)
FRIEND: "oh, and how would you do that?" (in a semi-serious manner)
ME: "um...(caught off guard)...I dunno...water. I would build wells...you know...people need water."

Graduation is a mere fifty-four days away.

When people ask me what it is like being a senior in college and if I am excited to graduate I usually reply by saying, "It's a little scary, but it's also exciting." It's true, the future is scary, but it is also exciting. New things in life can be exciting.

I have had a lot of thoughts about my future, you know, finding a job, that sort of thing.
I have also had a lot of thoughts about my past, and what I am leaving behind.

It is an emotional roller coaster; being a senior and all. Much more than I anticipated. I mean, I was a senior once already, how different can it be? I've had this great experience of committing four years of my life to learning a specific area and how to implement that into the real world. So it's exciting to look ahead at my potential in my future job market. It is also sad looking back at all the great memories I have had here at college and thinking about them leads to a small empty feeling and me almost crying.

It's like I'm not quite satisfied yet.

And there's more to it. Questions that pester me. What am I actually leaving behind? Have I changed at all? Has my community changed at all? Is my college experience to "normal" or to consistent? Have I just gone with the flow? What have I actually done in my time here? What kind of legacy am I leaving? Is it counter-intuitive?

That is the questions that have bugged me fifty-four days from graduation. Instead of letting them pass by or forget about them, I decided to confront them.

Head on.

And resulting from those questions I have come to a conclusion:

I want to change the world.
I want to do that by building a well.

Better yet, I want my community to change the world and I want us to do that by building a well. I want a community somewhere in the world to have fresh, clean water. I've gone all my life never having to travel far to get clean water, but there are people out there that have to travel hours back and forth, each day, just to get water that isn't even all that clean.

Now, for awhile I thought I was going crazy. I mean, who does this? Who tries to raise $5,000 so close to graduating? So I emailed my RA team, asking them if I was going crazy or if this was actually something worth pursuing.

They told me I should go for it and offered their suggestions and help.
The Holy Spirit must be real and must have a sense of humor. I thought for sure I was going nuts.

So now I am not only questioning my future and finding a job, but I am also putting into question my past and what I have done, or what I have to show, in my four years of college.

Later in life, when someone asks me about my college experience I would like to smile and tell them, "I had a great college experience. I met some great people and together we built a well for a community that now has access to clean water."

Ok, now I'm tearing up, stupid Gungor instrumental ending, why do you do this to me?

Super 8

I watched the movie Super 8. I had pretty low expectations but was surprised the life the characters brought to the movie. If you're into the sci-fi scene I would check it out.

The part that won me over was the climax of the movie. The main character, who is basically about to get annihilated by the mystery alien thing says the lines,

"We Understand

I know Bad things happen
Bad things happen

But you can still live
You can still live."

And ain't that the truth. There is a lot more context behind those lines coming from the main character but it may or may not ruin the movie for you so I won't say. Let's just says he has gone through some dramatic moments in his life and understands that, "bad things happen." I think we can all relate to having bad things happen in our life which makes it such a great line. It opens with something that speaks to us on a personal level and then it delivers the final lesson of life saying that we, "can still live."

I'm guilty of not living. When I get down I figure there is no more hope anymore and give up. And that's not good. It's pretty miserable after reading only half the line. But to live; to live is something that is desirable, something we all long to do, and something I long to do. To live makes my eyes look up and raise my eyebrows asking myself the question, "what does it mean to live?"

And who really knows the answer to that question? From that line in Super 8 all I can figure is that living doesn't involve loathing in the bad things; that there is something past the bad things happening. I think we all have crap in our lives, and now I think that what we do and what we learn from that crap helps us live.

The Library Chronicles : New Year

There are currently nine people within view of my computer at the library. One is checking their email, another Facebook, and two girls are doing some excel spreadsheet thing; probably homework. A group of three to my left is sitting around one computer chatting.

I am currently writing this blog and searching Youtube for a song of the week. Any suggestions?

It's 2012 now. The world is supposed to end in December sometime according to some people. Of course, it was supposed to end in 2011 too; twice actually. I am trying to change my habit of doing two spaces after a period to just do one. It is much harder than I expected. Does anyone know the proper way? Is it two spaces or one?

Found the song of the week.

A lot of people make New Years resolutions and then try to implement them in January. A lot of people fail, including myself. So I made a few month long experiments that I would like to try and I would like to tell you them. The term "resolutions" and "month long experiments" are basically the same except "month long experiments" have less commitment. So basically I made some New Years resolutions that will only last a month. Anyways, here they are.

January:
Laptop-free (I'm doing this now!)
Initiate "The Library Chronicles"(If you're reading this, you're a part of it, congrats!)
Initiate a Sabbath(hopefully goes throughout the year, not sure what this involves yet)

February:
Wash Feet (You know, like Jesus)
Tweet a picture a day with the hashtag #goodlife (something good that I can take out of every day)

That's all I got so far.

Now there is only two people in the computer lab. I think they left for lunch, or to get away from me.

Anyways, comment what you think, or let me know what your "resolutions" are.

The Library Chronicles : Introduction

It's interim. Which means I am taking one class over the course of a month. Which means I have some time on my hands.

I decided to try to go laptop free over interim. This involves not using my laptop unless absolutely necessary, which so far has been a lot. My reasoning for going laptop-free through January was because of a friend of mine. He got his laptop stolen out of his car during a concert and was forced to go without a laptop for the rest of the semester. It was inspiring to me.

Of course, there are pros and cons to this experiment. The pros to this are spending less time on the internet and more time with friends, a cleaner desk, less distractions, and people seem to approve of this decision. The cons are that it is a lack of convenience, the computers at the library are kind of slow, and I am basically trading the distraction of my dorm room for the distraction of the library, or trading one addiction for another.

The truth is that laptops are distracting. When I tend to have something to do on my laptop it involves this long vigorous process of checking email, Facebook, and other internet crap that I forget to even do that one simple task. So far, this whole experiment has made me more productive. The few times I have had to whip out my laptop to get a file I do it quickly and do nothing else. I have this inner-drive to not use my laptop and I want to keep it that way.

So because of this goal of not using my laptop for a month I have to spend my time at the library computer lab, because the internet is a drug I can't quit yet.

So,I introduce to you, "The Library Chronicles," a journal of my findings while at the library. Over the course of interim I plan on writing two or three times a week elaborating on my time spent at the library and engaging in a life without a laptop. Enjoy reading.

When The Truck Went Under

I had a dream two weeks ago. There was a man sitting in an old truck in the middle of a lake with the window down and I got to see the whole thing from my house overlooking the lake. The truck wasn't completely underwater, yet, but I remember thinking it was weird seeing a guy with a truck in the middle of a lake. So, to reiterate.

Guy in truck.
Truck in lake.
Me in house.
House overlooking lake.
Me watching guy in truck.

I remember being with my family in the kitchen and once I saw the truck I really kept my eyes on it wondering what was going to happen next. Dreams are hard to remember but what I do remember was the truck was filling up with water by slowly going over the open window.

Then all of sudden the guy drove the truck and it went completely underwater. It was like the truck went over a cliff on the bottom of the lake. Bubbles came up from underwater and then it hit me that this guy wanted to commit suicide. Then someone on the other side of the lake screamed for help.

When the truck went underwater, and this is where I feel bad, I paused. I hesitated and I am not sure whether it was out of shock or out of compassion. Amongst the screams of terror from across the lake I was not sure what to do. I mean, this is what he wanted, this is the way he wanted to go. Who was I to stop him? I hesitated, and then went into adrenaline mode. I ran outside, jumped over a railing, sprinted over some walking stones, and dove into the water.

I should let you know, I am a terrible swimmer. I actually can't even dive well, or hold my breath for that long, but this is a dream, so I could do those things.

I dove into the water, found the truck after a bit of swimming and felt around for the door handle. I knew the window was open so I unlocked the door from the inside. I then looked at the guy, and here is where it gets fuzzy on the details, but I can't remember whether he was passed out or fighting me from saving him. I unlatched his seat belt and either got him out of the door or through the window.

Then I woke up, back to reality. I'm not sure whether I saved his life or even got him above water.

Learning More About Myself

One of the perks of being an RA is having the opportunity to take free tests to learn about yourself.

So far I have taken two tests. I took Strengthsfinder and Myers-Briggs. After I take the test we have a big group meeting where we learn more about these tests and each category.

For Strengthsfinder I got:
Restorative - I love to solve problems.
Belief - I have core values that shapes my behavior.
Connectedness - I believe we are all part of something bigger.
Harmony - I think there is little to gain from conflict and friction.
Developer - I see the potential in others.

I think that pretty much describes me.

For Myers-Briggs I got ISFJ which means:
Introverted - Energized by the inner world.
Sensing - Work with known facts.
Feeling - Base decisions on personal values.
Judging- Planned, decided ways of life (closure).

If you're familiar at all with this test you know the other options from mine are Extroverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

I actually mostly tested in the middle between both extremes, which I kind of disagree with. If I were to take the test again I believe things would turn out differently. During the meeting I graded myself as a INFJ. A lot of this test depends on how you felt during the test and a lot of times people always have a little of both. I was also conflicted between who I think I am and who I want to become.

Either way, it was pretty interesting. It is usually hard for me to analyze myself and figure who I am as a person so these tests help get another perspective on things. It is an interesting question to ask yourself, "how well do I know me?" or at least I think it is interesting because I sometimes feel like I don't know who I am anymore. So, if you want, Google the two tests above and see if you can find a free one online, or ask a friend to analyze you.

Bring XXX To The Front

I was on the road to a leadership retreat and was spending my time staring out the window for three hours singing along to whatever was playing on the radio.

While traveling I caught a glimpse of something on the side of the road. It was a worn down, beat-up, XXX adult store. My first thought was, "that place needs a new coat of paint," and then, "that would be an interesting church service project."

Could you imagine?

(Knock, knock, knock)
Owner: uh, hello?
Church: Hey, we're from (church name) and we saw your building could use a new coat of paint. If it's alright with you, we would like to paint it for you.

You can finish that little story how you want, that's how far my mind wandered.

Anyways, farther behind the XXX store was a bigger and newer looking store that had cool flags waving in the wind. It looked like a place of happiness and fun. I did not get a good glimpse of what kind of store it was, but it kind of like one of those party supply stores.

I think it is a great analogy. Bringing our XXX or pain or secrets or "dirt" closer to the road so that more people are likely to see it. I believe, once we get past that, the party can begin. That is when we looked past the XXX and see the party behind it.

I like it more than the other way around, with the party place in the front, because eventually someone is going to go out the back door of the party and see all the XXX, and once they learn all those things, they can't unlearn them.

So I like it with the XXX in the front. I like it because when we walk by it and people ask about it we can say, "Yes, we've been there and we gotten through it, and yes it was tough, but let me tell you, it made this place even more special. It's so real here, at this happy place, so clean, so open. Why? Because we've been there, we've been to the XXX store of our lives, we know about all those things, and we accept you, and forgive you. So let's party"

Does that make sense? I'm not literally talking about walking through a XXX store. What I mean is revealing your dirt your pain your struggles your insecurities your habits your emotions your scars your...XXX's. Your inner XXX store that you hide from everyone else in the world. It's hard to do, to disclose of such things but it is so rewarding in my opinion.  What's left to hide after we have nothing to hide from?

I'll try to find this place on Google Maps. It has not been successful so far. That way we know where to go when we want to do a service project.

Ready To Die

My high school German teacher died last week. After overcoming cancer earlier in her life it came back and eventually took her life.

It never really occurred to me what an influence she was on my life. I definitely took it for granted. She was joy, and it was her gift to the world. Always happy, always smiling. I tear up thinking of her smiling. Tears of joy.

But there are times where I
just
can't
handle it.

I lose my focus at what I am doing, think of her, and then my eyes tear up.  I then realize what is going on, and I come back trying to avoid people looking at me. All because I don't want the attention, because I don't know how to explain it.

The thing that gets me every time was that she was ready to die, just waiting to breathe her final breath. She was talking about going to see God, to go home, to dance in heaven.

But I just can't handle it. I mean, I almost have this urge to shout, "STAY ALIVE, KEEP BREATHING, THIS IS HOME" but there is no response, just a look of peace, a look saying that, someday, you'll know this feeling.

And maybe someday I will know that feeling.
But right now I just can't wrap my mind around it.
She was ready to die though.
In quietness and confidence was her strength.

I Did Something Pretty Crazy

In a half-flirting-half-being-super-weird-and-spontaneous I wrote a letter to a girl that I sort of don't know and made it out to be a spontaneous act of random kindness.  I didn't sign my name or anything I just wrote a letter. I also gave her a CD.

So it was a 50/50 kind of thing. Half spontaneous, half anonymous flirting.

In the letter I wrote that i am trying to be more spontaneous in life.

Which is true.

I also added that I was nervous writing the letter.

Also true.

Also told her I picked her PO out at random.

A lie. I had her planned the whole time.

This idea popped in my head this summer one day. The thought was simple, get someone a random gift with a random letter. After that thought, this girl popped in my head. So I combined both of them into this spontaneous task.

I debated with for awhile whether to reveal myself or not in the letter.  I decided that maybe somehow, some-way she would find me and it would be a magical Hollywood ending.  So I lied to myself thinking that that would happen and didn't sign my name.  I actually signed it, "I should put my name here but I'm not."

So what I did was more spontaneous than daring. I was still nervous doing it though.  All-in-all it was pretty crazy; something that I probably would not have done last year.

Hopefully it made her day.  I hope she isn't calling an investigator.  That would be weird.

Anyways, I started off the year by doing something crazy.  What have you done lately?

Growing Up

I remember in third grade thinking that fourth grade would be the year. Just the year, the year that I was older, more mature, ready to take on the world, and get a girlfriend who would be with me forever. It would be the year I would be more of an adult, ready for all responsibilities, and grab a drink with the boys after a hard days work.

I remembering thinking the same in fourth and fifth grade.

Then sixth grade came and you were at the top of the elementary chain. It was so much power, so much greatness. You finally knew what it was like to be worshiped by the younger kids.

Then seventh grade comes and I was back at the bottom again and I knew then that it wouldn't be that year again for five more years.

I remember always wanting to be eighteen years old so I could call those 1-800 numbers I saw on television all the time.

Then eighteen came and it wasn't all that special.

The same with age twenty-one.

Twenty-one feels like sixteen sometimes. Still immature, not sure what in the world I am doing, and feeling misunderstood. It's like adult puberty.

I say all this because at a very young age all I wanted to do was be a grown-up with my dream job and my dream woman. I just could not wait to get older, be taller, and have a deeper voice.

And now that time is here. I am now an adult, given adult responsibilities, and making adult decisions.

But now I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a kid again, where food shows up in front of me, laundry does itself, and I never have to buy anything.

Now I get scared when people treat me as an adult because I'm not ready. It is apparent when I'm working and people take my words and ideas seriously.

People communicate differently to me now. Things have changed and I guess I'm just a little slow in accepting it. Another thing about the future that scares me.

It's about 2:30am now when I am writing this. I've been a night owl for as long I remember but these late nights are getting bad.

I've had trouble falling asleep lately. I'm not sure why. I recently "upgraded" to a queen size bed and since then sleeping has been hard. So tonight I am going back to my kids bed because I feel like I'll sleep better on it. We'll see.

Last Minutes with Oden

My eyes get dried out sometimes, especially this summer.

My mom says it is because of allergies. I haven't accepted this truth yet.

When my eyes get dried out I would rub them and splash water on them until the itch stopped.

Now I watch this video because it makes me cry every time.

Every time.

I don't know the man in the video.

I've never owned a dog.

But it strikes something deep inside.

Something that you feel.

His insights about God are amazing too.

Oden had a universal job, and like he said, his job was done. His friends would sit on the couch in pain and Oden would just be there friend. His whole job was just serving. Oden taught us love.

If only we could be more like Oden.

Rush Hour Traffic

For time reference: This happened like mid-May

I was driving back to school after coaching a baseball game and I decided to take another way back just for fun.

Mistake 1: I drove back on interstate 94 during rush hour traffic.
Mistake 2: I had to take an exit next to University Avenue where road construction is making way for light rail.
Mistake 3: We lost the baseball game so I was pretty frustrated and stressed out. (not really a mistake, but a contributing factor)

Traffic was backed up, I was getting inpatient and frazzled with everything going on with the day. I was switching lanes getting ready to exit when all of a sudden everyone started moving like crazy, getting into the shoulder, making room for something.

There was an ambulance trying to weave through traffic. I thought: What could be more stressful than that?

After the ambulance passed I realized something.

Everyone in traffic knew that they didn't have it as bad as the ambulance. Whatever the ambulance was doing was far superior than their priorities. So, we, as a group, got out of the way to make way for what's more important. My frustrations were lifted after that, everything seemed a little better.

The rest of the drive didn't go so well, after weaving through multiple parking lots and construction zones I finally made it back to school.

I promised myself to keep consistent and stay away from that area for a long time.

Boats

I don't really like boats.

I've never really enjoy being out on the water.

Not a big swimmer either.

So when I go to my cabin on a lake I usually end up being peer pressured into going into the boat and doing some water activity.

It was like this awhile ago.

The water was freezing cold due to the long winter but we went out anyway and I went with them, but only to observe.

So I was all bundled up on the boat, preparing for the worst, and I realized something.

It's not the water activity that makes it fun, it's the people on the boat. This, I realized, is probably the biggest reason I go onto the boat. To commune with my friends and family; to interact and tell stories later.

I think that's why it's worth jumping on the boat.

I still don't really like boating or water activities all that much. It is repetitive and contained. But the people on the boat is different, the time on the boat is different, which in turn makes the story of the boat different, un-repetitive, and un-contained.

So bring on the boat, and the activities to follow.

To the Black Pearl, or the U.S.S. George Bush, or whatever my friends call it now-a-days.

Without Facebook

I've been without facebook for about a month.

I deactivated, aptly named the "super log-off," my account for the summer. At least, the summer is my goal.

Facebook, or what I call "The Facebook"(extra emphasis on The) or "Book of Faces", has not been a huge temptation for me yet.

I am surprised by this because I thought it would be much worse.

I think the transition out of it was easy because at the time my schedule was so busy.

The reason I deactivated is because it was a goal of mine made on my 21st birthday.

My friends have supported me on this decision, which is nice.

Some things are a little harder. I've been sending more texts messages.  I feel slightly less connected to people, but nothing significant.

Still have the twitter.

About Osama

They hold funerals for terrorists too.

They mourn the loss for a friend with tears too.

They have a family just like you and me.


We celebrated the joining of two people on Friday.

Now we celebrate the death of one person.

A little confusing.


One of the hardest prayers for me is too honestly ask God to bless my enemies.

I wonder if Jesus and Osama talked.

I wonder if Jesus had tears in His eyes or gave Osama a joyful hug.

I wonder if Osama cried tears of joy or tears of pain.


I wonder if Jesus washed his feet.

And then I wonder whose feet I should wash.

Ambulance at Wendy's

It was riding in a car one night and saw an ambulance in the drive-thru of Wendy's.

I thought to myself, "well I have never seen that before." To be honest I was a little offended and very critical of the person/people in the ambulance at first. I mean, here are these people driving around saving lives in a mobile hospital and they're eating unhealthy food. What kind of example is that?

After my criticism of them I loosened up and searched for possible explanations to their lacking of healthy eating. I mean, maybe they're in a rush and couldn't prepare anything to eat. Maybe they're just getting something to drink. Maybe the patient in the back of the ambulance had a final wish to eat some Wendy's before they passed. I would honor that sort of request.

Originally after the last paragraph I wrote two more paragraphs about how doctors and nurses should be held to a higher standard and be a positive example for the surrounding community but I erased it all because I should held to a higher standard also.

Because I've been in plenty of drive-thru's.

And I'm supposed to save people.

And I'm supposed to drop my stone.

And get the plank out of my eye.

Power of Secrets

This semester I'm taking a class where we do a group research project. Our group decided to do research on self-disclosure in a dating relationship. If you don't know, self-disclosure is when we reveal information about ourselves to another person. Usually, as the relationship grows stronger, the greater the depth of information is revealed. There are a bunch of other theories that I could throw at you but they're boring and don't get to the point.

Anyways, self-disclosure involves, in a sense, sharing secrets, but not in the gossip kind of way.

Secrets are a powerful force. The saying, "information is power" really strikes hard when it involves secrets. There is a website called Postsecret where you can mail in your secrets anonymously on a postcard. The goal of it is to not let your secrets take hold of you.

I think secrets can hold us back, which at times may be a good thing, and at times be a bad thing. The point of revealing a secret, of getting it off your chest, is that the secret no longer has control over you. You take control of the secret because it no longer defines you.

Secrets have power. A power to heal, to love, to destroy, and many more. I urge you to find a way to reveal your secrets. I believe they will reveal your true relationships and reveal God in a new light. Let your secrets be free, let them go.

Just let it go, let it go, let it go.