Letting Go

I've been struggling lately with letting go of things. I have heard many quotes from songs and such that say something like, "If you love something give it away." It usually adds onto that with, "If it loves you it will come back." Things like this always seem to make me try to make sense of it, but I always come out of it utterly confused. I ask myself if I love something why would I give it away?

You could say that I'm not struggling with loving something but rather loving someone. Times come and go where I feel abandoned and hopeless with them but I am still completely and utterly awestruck in love with them. I think about it consistently and always come to the point where I have to let them go and see if they come back.

So no more pursuing, chasing, or consistently depending upon them. I feel that when I do this I always set myself up for pure disappointment.

I mean, maybe they just don't love me back or in the same fashion that I do? Maybe letting go would be the best for both of us? Maybe the likeness we have for each other will never amount to anything more than what I wish for it to become? Maybe it's my fault? Can't they just send me out a lifeline?

I am in this constant battle of hanging on and not giving up to disappointment, a broken heart, and letting go completely. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough because, to me, letting go seems to be the easy way out and just giving up and settling for second rate. I don't want to be like that. If I do let go, I would at least like to say that I put all my cards on the table.

When I abandon all my dreams of being with them is when I feel at my weakest. I'm mixed with emotions flowing through my heart and mind. I feel hopeless inside, almost as if I am destined to be alone all my life jut to prove that they were the only true person that was perfect for me.

I imagine a desk with a single lamp, a pen, and blank pieces of paper to write everything I can in order to share my thoughts and feelings. Everything I would write would become dedicated to them and every writing would use symbols and signs directed toward them signifying I can't let them go.

Sometimes it feels very hopeful like a burden lifted off my shoulders. For brief moments I feel empowered and encouraged to move on and that actually letting go can be freeing for me to explore all my abilities and ambitions. The downside is that it is lonely and depressing. Empty desk, blank paper, dark spaces are things I see in this hopelessness.

So I become confused at what to do. Letting go leads to loneliness while hanging on leads to disappointed wishes. The good thing is that love never leaves.

"I don't want to lose you all over again. So here's my heart, I'll give it over and over again..."
-Mat Kearney

Christian Crazies

I found this article that blew my mind and that you can find here.

No wonder people think Christians are crazy. I don't know where my faith would be without rock music. I don't know where my faith would be without the freedom to dance at will. Articles like this taint the view of what Christianity is really about. Articles like this is why I don't like calling myself a Christian. I would rather be called a loving person who is trying to reflect Jesus' revolutionary love in the world. The word "Christian" comes with too much baggage. This reminds me of the movie "Footloose" where the kids fight for the right to have a school dance.

For those who couldn't go to the link here is the article:

FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.

Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.

Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.

The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.

Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.

"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.

Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.

"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."

England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.

"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.

The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."

England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.

"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."

The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.

"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.

___

Birthday

It was my roommates birthday yesterday. It's funny how everyone treats someone different when it is their birthday. All of us treated him special and tried not to embarrass him too much.

I realized that we should treat people like it is always their birthday. If everyday was our birthday I think everyone would be kind to one another all the time. Of course I don't think we would get presents every day but people would still be nice to us.

I think next time some stranger says something mean to me I'm just going to tell him it's my birthday because wouldn't that make him feel guilty about being mean? I would then tell him that it is not actually my birthday that I was just playing a trick but I accept his apology anyway. So I guess just imagine that everyday is your friends birthday and treat 'em as such.

Tough Questions

My cousin recently died in Iraq and I promised myself I wouldn't blog about it because I didn't want to. The story is that he died by a suicide bomber. The thing that makes the story special is that he and his company engaged the suicide bomber and shot him which in turn saved lives. News articles were written in the paper and stories were run in the news about my cousins' death. They interviewed my uncle and how he felt about his death. His neighborhood street was lined with American Flags and yellow ribbons. He was honored in the Iowa Senate. The funeral visitation lasted eight hours. My mom wrote the following in an e-mail sent to me. I only share this with you because I found them quite hard to ponder about and think about. I do not look for sympathy.

The whole thing was overwhelming. There was so much to think about and I am still processing my thoughts on life, war, honor, freedom, military service etc.

• Sacrifice a life for the country's freedom vs Jesus’ sacrifice for our freedom?
• Why the military is steeped with honor and respect and pride and the church is not?
• Why ordinary people would stop and get out of their cars in the middle of the freeway in the cold drizzly weather to stand respectfully with their hand on their hearts or saluting, while the funeral processional went by?
• How when you sign up for the military, the military becomes your family - or does it become your religion, since you are to obey your commander above all else?
• Does showing a military slide show at the funeral glorify war/violence? Isn’t Jesus for peace?
• Did they have a funeral for the suicide bomber? Is him family mourning him the same way we are mourning?
• His brother wants to go to Iraq and get revenge for his brother's death. What do you say to him?
• What motivates the guy who voluntarily drove over 50 miles to put up over 300 American Flags around the outside of the church?
• What would Jesus do?

He did witness to his fellow soldiers about Jesus while in Iraq.
And there are others coming to Christ as a result of his quote.

"It's like this. All the other pretend gods want you to die for them, but instead
Jesus died for you."


This is how I replied:

I admire all the patriotic flag-waving things done in honor of what he did. I'm just not quite sure what to think about all this either I guess. I think I just don't like politics/patriotism and religion mixed together. Those are tough questions. Very tough questions.

• I think Jesus' sacrifice for our freedom trumps all. He died not just serving for a country but died for all of mankind serving God.
• After reading "Jesus for President" and reading about how much of tax payers money goes into the army and war I do not think highly of the Army. I appreciate what they do protecting our country, just don't like the way they go about it. We had a chapel speaker once who would go out in the street and ask people what they thought of Christians and then ask them what they thought about Jesus. They responded that Christians were hypocrites, cults, and responsible for the Crusades while Jesus was God's Son who died for us.
• I don't know what motivated people to stop in the middle of the highway.
• Martin Luther King wrote about law once. He wrote that there is earthly law and heavenly law. Some laws are the same (murder is wrong) and some laws are different. He says heavenly law trumps all. So I guess if an Army commander goes against heavenly law, you follow the real commander of Jesus Christ.
• If I were to make a slideshow at a funeral I would hope it glorifies service and sacrifice, not war/violence. I guess people interpret things differently. I remember seeing a campaign ad supporting McCain and it was a soldier glorifying the war. It showed him close up then slowly zoomed back to reveal that he had lost his leg in combat. I guess that sends a message for war glory.
• I would assume they had a funeral for him. I think their religion glorifies honor and dedication through suicide bombing the same way we glorify it through fighting for freedom.
• On revenge: Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19
• I guess the guy who drives that far feels compelled to put up flags the same way dad felt compelled to stick around for the funeral for so long.
• I don't know what Jesus would do. He wept when he learned that Lazarus died and visited their family, but he didn't die in a war or by a suicide bomber.
  
  It's all very confusing and I'm never quite sure what to think. Comments?

The Judge

"Sure, I'm a sinner, but not as bad as that guy over there."

I think we all do that a lot on comparing ourselves to other when we should really be looking at the plank in our own eye. Community helps lower judging others I think. I can enjoy people without judging them first. I must first look in the mirror and see myself and then look at them. We all make mistakes and to judge someone else for something you have done is not fair.

I usually do this backwards. I usually judge my roommates and convict them about it and then realize that I have done the same things. There is no degree of what is worse than which. My roommates are highly judgemental people, but so am I. They judge people they don't know based on how they're dressed or what they said. So do I. They curse with their tongues and have little respect for others. So do I. They're two-faced people. They act differently depending on the person or gender they are hanging out with. So do I.


Slowly realizing this makes me convicted and makes me feel terrible. How is it possible to critique someone without critiquing yourself? I guess it would be both admitting that you are both sinners and both need help. So I guess it is a tag team thing; both of us battling together to become better people. In the end, we'll never reach perfect people status.

We cannot judge one another because we're all imperfect. Yes, terrorists are just as bad as you and me. The ACLU, democrats, republicans, and atheists are just as worthy to be judged as you and me. For there is only One who is able to judge us. He is perfection and the only perfection. We are not worthy of Him but that is not the case. He sent the perfect spotless lamb to be sacrificed so that we may be perfect through Him. He is the Judge.

Judge Judy can't touch this...