The Library Chronicles : Art Relationships

Back in the library. Only four women are within my view. Slowly realizing not a lot of guys come to the library.

I spent this morning working on a computer in the design center, which is in the building next door and down a floor. I had to do some homework that was due today. By "homework" I mean I had to photoshop some pictures. Maybe I'll post them on here. While I was doing that I got to listen to the "crazy" professor talk about how sensual bookmaking is. I think that is very true; that bookmaking is sensual. I mean, hot glue, screwdrivers, paper, cardboard....ooh la la. That class sounds like a matchmakers heaven.

A guy just came in and sat down at a computer, but two more girls also came in.

I'm listening to Usher right now.

Another guy came in. Two more girls also came in.

The professor in the bookmaking class talked a lot about relationships while I was in the room. He mentioned how some people in the class end of dating each other and how there is usually an engaged person in the class. This is when I looked away from my computer and got eye-to-eye contact with a girl. I know, so romantic.

There was not an engaged person in this class and it didn't seem like any of them were dating each other yet. The whole students-start-dating-each-other thing may not be true, but if there was a class that a relationship would start, it would be an art class.

Because to make good art you have to put whole self into it. If you want your art to convey pain, brokeness, humor, or just plain stupidity you have to embrace that emotion and go for it. People learn about you through your art, and your art describes your character, and people fall in love with character. Good looks help too. Other classes can't really do such a thing.

Will my paper on the Minnesota Vikings stadium issue make a girl fall in love with me? Probably not.

The library seems like a good place to find a relationship considering my current observations. For every one guy that enters, two more girls enter. Those are good odds.

Seeing Human (The Naked Inside You)

I read this book called, "Sex God" and I liked it.

It always take awhile to get used to the Rob Bell style of writing but I like it because it is simple, yet profound. It continues to change my perspective on paragraph length.

Part of the book tells the story about American soldiers finding the concentration camps. It goes on to talk about how the people in the camps were treated as not human and that is why they become so miserable. Instead of being a unique creation of God they were treated as something else. Something that wasn't human.

It goes on to talk about how a large shipment of lipstick came to the camp and how everyone thought how random of an order that was but they took what they received and passed it out around the camp. The next day everyone seemed more joyful, running around with lipstick on their face smiling and laughing. It was the lipstick that made them remember that they were human, that they were something special instead of a number.

I feel like we do this a lot. Making humans less of a human. Giving labels to people just so we can define them in something when simply they are human. I was just doing this to people I watch on the television. People I don't even know but I am labeling them as something. I do not think I would treat the villain of a movie as well as the hero of a movie.

I got an email once telling me not to buy this certain kind of stamp because it had something to do with the Muslims. It told me to boycott from buying them because Muslims were involved in September 11th, and the Muslims this, the Muslims that.

Muslims are human.
Americans are human.

I was watching a television show about a bunch of lawyers. One lawyer, an Australian dude, likes another lawyer, a blond girl.

A male human like a female human.

Anyways, at first he didn't treat her as human but as some object. He tried to get her with chocolates and flowers, but she was still an object so that didn't work. Later he realizes from his ever wise guitar playing friend that if he really cares about her that he has to love the naked inside her. Her thoughts, feelings, etc..

He has to make her human.

In the end he writes her a poem set to music. Makes her human, not an object. He cares about the naked inside her and, I'm assuming, but she cares about the naked inside him.

Because we're human, and we should see others as human.

Mission Statement

28.30 | My life is in need of consistent refocusing. A constant center for which I can base all other things in life. I want to share with you the mission statement of my life. It's just a chapter out of the Bible and it is usually share when talking about love but I think this chapter is much more than that. The thing that always brings me back to a focus point is the part about the mirror. How when in the low points of the roller coaster of life we are but a poor reflection in the mirror and how we know only a part of who we are, even though we seem to fully know ourselves.

I think of it as if we know what we can become but just have yet to reach it. That in this low point of the roller coaster ride we have yet to reach full potential. I usually ask myself how I got in this low state or why I got there.

It usually all comes back to me putting God in the back seat and trying to do things my own way and in doing this I get my poor reflection. I tend to over-analyze things and that makes things complicated sometimes. I've learned that becoming a reflection of Jesus usually involves a simple task and a leap of faith.


I Corinthians 13:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Quote

27.30 | My mom told me this quote once. Thought I'd share it with y'all.

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Intimate With Jesus

24.30 | Well, I thought about writing about being intimate with Jesus before being intimate with someone else and now my good friend wrote about it (click here) after one of his friends wrote about it (click here) and since their words are better than mine I'm going to be the lazy one and copy and paste it into here.

So this idea is kind of playing off of my friend Gabby’s blog, but I guess it is slightly different and maybe even taking her thoughts a bit further. If you don’t want to read her blog, she basically argues that relationships are a gift from God, and we shouldn’t think that God is merely waiting for us “to be content in Him” before He gives us one. She talks about how God blesses people who aren’t necessarily content in Him and may be seeking contentment in relationships with relationships, while not giving people who are only seeking contentment in Him one. She says that we do nothing to merit a relationship, and I think she is right.

However, she talks more about the relationship part, and I am going to talk about the seeking contentment in God part. She quotes a girl she overheard saying, “I realized that before I can be in a relationship, I have to be content in God first.”

I pity with a thousand pities the one who ever is content in God. I would think the one who is content in God does not even know God. How could someone ever be content in a being like this when we continue to desire to know our friends and boyfriends and wives better?

I pray that I am never content in God. I pray that until the day my arms are around My Savior I am never fulfilled, but that with each passing moment my hunger and thirst and passions are always wanting more of Jesus. Indeed I would trade a thousand worlds of contentedness for one world of being discontent, if only I may know the heart of My God so intimately that when I behold His face in all of its glory, it will not be as an estranged son coming home, but as a bride being presented before my lover in the most romantic and joyous of wedding ceremonies to ever grace eternity.

I very well could be wrong, but I am not aware of any verse in the Bible that says to be content in God. However, I know many verses about seeking Him and longing for Him and following Him and pursuing Him alone. Therefore, as long as I have life in my heart I will not seek contentment, but only God, and God not as an end, but as a love that knows no limits.

That said, I would encourage everyone who thinks they need to be content in God before having a relationship to think again. I would hope that even in a relationship you are never content in God. As my friend Gabby so simply and profoundly puts, “Love the Lord whether or not you get a relationship in the end. Pursue Him heart and soul.”

Josh

Cliché

22.30 | We talked about some cliché moments in my film class today.

The dictionary defines it as a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.

I have been thinking about a cliché saying lately. It is the one when your friend says to you, "don't worry, some day you will find the perfect person and it will catch you by surprise," or "they're plenty of fish in the sea."

I have found that to become a cliché saying. I think it has lost its value. I have caught myself saying that kind of stuff to other people too. Now I don't like saying it because I don't like hearing it.

That's about it. Hopefully this is another one of those blogs where the comments go on longer than the actual blog. (hint hint, wink wink)

Woman

21.30 | Over the past couples of years I have become a sucker for the orchestra strings in music. You know, violins, cellos, and the like. I think it is beautiful when they come together and play.

Lately I've told a lot of people that it takes me five minutes to get a crush on a girl and that is true but I don't know why or how that happens. It's almost the same thing that Donald Miller describes in "Blue Like Jazz." Of course, this doesn't happen all the time but sometimes within the first couple of minutes I can imagine something.

The band Copeland would say that "I'm A Sucker For A Kind Word" and that is true. Usually if a woman compliments me I'll be impressed and therefore "fall in love" with them. Copeland also says that "Love Is A Fast Song" and I don't agree with that.

I think love is slow and beautiful just like string music is slow and beautiful. I don't think love is a fast song, rather I think it is a beautiful composition with excitement, mystery, and slow-dancing.

I talked to a friend about falling in love. I told him how I fell into a trap of believing the movies. That in the span of a couple hours or days I would fall in love with a gorgeous girl, sweep her off her feet, and ride off into the sunset. He told me we all wish it would happen like the movies. He told me not to freak out about my non-movie love life. He told me to take a step back and stop being afraid.

I don't know what woman are in this string orchestra analogy. Woman are either the strings, the people that play the strings, maybe the conductor, or maybe something else but when I thought of this idea in the car I imagined this blog as having the title "Woman" so there ya go.

My friend who rarely reads this blog has convinced herself that every word I write in this blog is about some certain someone somewhere that I am in love with. Even when I try to tell her how not all of them are about woman she says to me, "No Matt, you can only write about woman, it's always about a woman." I don't know if she is joking or if she is serious.

When I hear some violin music that I like it is inspiring. When I got the idea for this blog I was listening to some OneRepublic and that type of music was playing. I was driving back to Bethel, this music was beautiful and it was one of those moments where thoughts come so slowly and so basic and then you just expand on that thought.

Then the song ends, but the thoughts continue...

Hands

06.30 | It is not a rare occurrence to see people holding hands here at Bethel. I almost think it seems like the norm. I'm fairly certain I see at least one a day.

I don't really see the appeal to the whole holding hands thing. Who wants to go through the whole process of even getting there? Do you have some conversation to them earlier about it or do you just go for it? Even thinking about it makes my hands sweat and then I think who would want to hold my sweaty hand. There has got to be some kind of draw or appeal to this sort of ritual. Maybe it is the human version of marking their territory like a dog. Humans are animals. Holding hands is like a public address announcement saying to everyone. "the persons hand my hand is clenching is mine so everyone else should just back off."

Holding hands brings me back to the movie Wall-E where all he wants to do is hold her hand. There's gotta be something that makes people want to hold hands. Maybe it's because a pat on the back just won't do, it's just not physical enough. Maybe it's the connection, the link, that it makes.

Either way I don't know and this seems to becoming a very lame blog. Just random thoughts on something I see everyday.

Why The Good Guy Always Gets the Girl

I wrote this paper almost two years ago (oh how time flies) and I get reminded of it at times. I feel like I've posted this before so if this seems all to familiar let me know. The following is dedicated to New Life Academy, robots, and that guy who can never seem to win the heart of a lady.

This weekend I experienced Jesus in many ways.

My first experience was after watching the movie Transformers. It was pretty good, a guy movie though. I, for some reason, asked myself the question about why the hero always gets the girl in the end. I thought about it awhile and realized that the hero always gets the girl because the hero always has good character and that the action sequences in which the hero braves all and risks his life for a good cause shows that good character. The particular hero in Transformers was considered on the bottom of the totem pole by society standards (not popular). By the end of the movie he gets one of the most popular girls in school (who also had some good character). It’s always those losers in the beginning of the movie who have the best character while those jocks that have the girl in the beginning of the movie have horrible character. Now, you might be asking where the Jesus experience in all of this is. Well, if you are to look at the New Life Academy mission statement which is “Developing godly students to influence generations” and the three sections of the mission statement are Academics, Bible, and Character. Character, it’s important. So even though the hero in Transformers wasn’t necessarily Christian, he did have good character by world standards. While our Christian character might be set to a higher standard, he still reflected his passion in saving the human race and his new found robot friend. The lesson in this isn’t that good character always gets you a popular girl. The lesson about character is that our character should reflect Jesus. The hero’s character and his passion in the movie changed his life and controlled his actions. He stood up for what he believed in and fought for what he though was right. And so, like the hero in a movie, we as followers of Jesus should let our character reflect our love for God and let God control our actions and our life.

Another Jesus experience was through a song at the end of the movie, which I just downloaded and found the lyrics for. The verses of the song I’m not too attached to but the pre-chorus and the chorus is what I find intriguing. This song isn’t by a Christian artist, but anyone can still find a godly experience in them. The pre-chorus of letting mercy come and washing away I interpreted as God’s mercy coming down on us as Jesus, who died on a cross for us, and washed away my sins. No matter what I have done, no matter how horrible the sin, Jesus still died for me and still forgives me. To the chorus where it talks about facing yourself, crossing it out, erasing yourself and then letting go I interpreted as looking at yourself (such as in a mirror or self-reflecting) and crossing it out. Getting rid of the old-self and erasing it from history. You then let go of yourself and find your new life in Jesus. This can go all the way back to letting God control you and reflecting God’s character. This is a song that helped me experience God.

There are a couple other experiences I had this weekend, some good, some not so good. The basic message that I would tell people of what I learned from God this weekend would be “to reflect God’s love through my character.”

P.S. The song is "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. Check it out.

Letting Go

I've been struggling lately with letting go of things. I have heard many quotes from songs and such that say something like, "If you love something give it away." It usually adds onto that with, "If it loves you it will come back." Things like this always seem to make me try to make sense of it, but I always come out of it utterly confused. I ask myself if I love something why would I give it away?

You could say that I'm not struggling with loving something but rather loving someone. Times come and go where I feel abandoned and hopeless with them but I am still completely and utterly awestruck in love with them. I think about it consistently and always come to the point where I have to let them go and see if they come back.

So no more pursuing, chasing, or consistently depending upon them. I feel that when I do this I always set myself up for pure disappointment.

I mean, maybe they just don't love me back or in the same fashion that I do? Maybe letting go would be the best for both of us? Maybe the likeness we have for each other will never amount to anything more than what I wish for it to become? Maybe it's my fault? Can't they just send me out a lifeline?

I am in this constant battle of hanging on and not giving up to disappointment, a broken heart, and letting go completely. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough because, to me, letting go seems to be the easy way out and just giving up and settling for second rate. I don't want to be like that. If I do let go, I would at least like to say that I put all my cards on the table.

When I abandon all my dreams of being with them is when I feel at my weakest. I'm mixed with emotions flowing through my heart and mind. I feel hopeless inside, almost as if I am destined to be alone all my life jut to prove that they were the only true person that was perfect for me.

I imagine a desk with a single lamp, a pen, and blank pieces of paper to write everything I can in order to share my thoughts and feelings. Everything I would write would become dedicated to them and every writing would use symbols and signs directed toward them signifying I can't let them go.

Sometimes it feels very hopeful like a burden lifted off my shoulders. For brief moments I feel empowered and encouraged to move on and that actually letting go can be freeing for me to explore all my abilities and ambitions. The downside is that it is lonely and depressing. Empty desk, blank paper, dark spaces are things I see in this hopelessness.

So I become confused at what to do. Letting go leads to loneliness while hanging on leads to disappointed wishes. The good thing is that love never leaves.

"I don't want to lose you all over again. So here's my heart, I'll give it over and over again..."
-Mat Kearney

Feet Love

I read awhile ago that a large percentage of people do not wash their feet in the shower, causing them to get their bath mat even dirtier.

Someone once asked me what was the greatest example of love I ever experienced. I told them in 5th Grade my teacher washed my feet. She had a bucket of water and some nice soap. It was slightly awkward for me being in 5th Grade and not a lot of people volunteered to do it. I think I did it only from peer pressure. As she was drying my feet off she asked me some questions.

"Matt, do you know Jesus loves you?"

"Yes," I said rolling my eyes cause I've heard this a bazillion times.

"Do you know that He died for you because he loves you?"

"Yes I do," I replied more seriously this time because I saw that she was serious.

I remember her eyes. Tired from washing so many feet but so enlightened from washing so many feet. It didn't mean much to me back then but I remember it being a pleasant moment in my life. More so because my feet were super clean rather than knowing that Jesus loved me. As time passed I have never forgotten that moment. I realized that it spoke volumes in my life. That moment of my teacher on her knees exhausted and washing my feet was a true example of the Kingdom. A Kingdom not of Kings and Queens, but of servants of the Lord.

Happy Valentines Day, V-day, or Single Awareness Day. May you experience Kingdom love from your significant other, your friend, or just a random person, and may you know of the true love of the Kingdom of God.

Touch

My dad and I went phone shopping today. Phones are pretty unreal now-a-days. Touch phones are the next big thing supposedly. Every company and provider is doing it. No buttons needed. I found it pretty impressive that just a small touch of a finger can do so much. I think this can apply to even more that just a cell phone.

I imagine it like a long line of dominoes. All you need is a small touch of the first domino and the rest is history. You might not even know what you have done but it can cause so much. Whether it be a pat on the back, a hand-shake, a high-five, or a hug. Touch has power. It could be one of the most powerful things on the planet. We could change everyone with this power. Your house, your school, your country!

But proceed with caution. This power can be overused and then the power is lost. Be bold with your power, but be smart. Peter Parker's Uncle said it best that, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Yes, you are a superhero! You are great! So go put on your cape and tights, take off your glasses and start using your power for good.

Start the domino effect, start the trend, start with a touch.

Absorbed

Someone spilled something on the carpet today in my english class.

I'm not a fan of the carpet. It has more dirt in it than actual carpet. There is remains of what it used to be. I don't think it has potential to make a comeback to the glory days.

Or does it?

They placed a paper towel on the carpet to clean up the mess. As the paper towel absorbed the liquid it became more and more stained with its' color. Afterwards there was little evidence of the mess. If you were to look at the paper towel, it would be evident of what had happened.

The towel took the hit.

It's like I am the carpet, stained from years of turmoil, guilt, and pride. And then some paper towel comes along and says,"Hey, let me absorb your stain."

I question the paper towel.

"Why are you doing this to me? I'm stained and dirty. You're clean and perfect."

The paper towel responds in oh so majestic form.

"Don't you want to be clean? I want to absorb these stains from you because I love you."

"But if you absorb my stains you will become dirty and stained!"

"The roll from which I come from is infinitly long, it never runs out of paper towels."

"Ok, but how do I keep myself from getting stained?"

"Pursue becoming like me, follow my ways, and tell others about me."

So here I stand over-trampeled and over-run with dirt. I become aware of this paper towel, tapping my shoulder, ready for me to turn around and acknowledge it.

The towel absorbs my stain. But what if the stain comes back? When it comes back I will look into it eyes and laugh because I do not fear it. For I am wrapped in paper towels, ready to fight any evil-doers.

Together with the paper towel, I am absorbed.