God Is After You

He's just waiting...

...for you.

Firework Celebration

I'm sitting in my house right now and fireworks are going off outside. It sounds almost like what I imagine a war zone being.

Anyways, I'm not all for the celebration of the independence of America with fireworks and stuff because it borders on society worshiping their country, which is something I don't like (and you shouldn't either). Jesus is the only one we should worship. That sounds cliche' but it is true, we cannot serve two masters.

So, I made up other reasons to go watch fireworks other than America's dependence from Britain.

Let's celebrate Jesus dying on the cross for us with fireworks.
Let's celebrate Jesus raising from the dead with fireworks.
Let's celebrate Jesus saving our souls from hell with fireworks.
Let's celebrate having friends, family, and community with fireworks.
Let's celebrate all the blessings we have in life with fireworks.
Let's celebrate summer with fireworks.
Let's celebrate creation with fireworks. (except mosquitoes)

So there is my rant on America, Jesus, and fireworks.

About Osama

They hold funerals for terrorists too.

They mourn the loss for a friend with tears too.

They have a family just like you and me.


We celebrated the joining of two people on Friday.

Now we celebrate the death of one person.

A little confusing.


One of the hardest prayers for me is too honestly ask God to bless my enemies.

I wonder if Jesus and Osama talked.

I wonder if Jesus had tears in His eyes or gave Osama a joyful hug.

I wonder if Osama cried tears of joy or tears of pain.


I wonder if Jesus washed his feet.

And then I wonder whose feet I should wash.

Love Wins

Love Wins is a book by Rob Bell that deals with, "Heaven, Hell, and the fate of every person who ever lived." After hearing all the controversy on it I just had to read it. I mean, Bethel's newspaper wrote about it, John Piper tweeted about it, and Greg Boyd got an advanced copy and read it. You just have to read stuff like that if you're into that sort of thing.

Life after death has always been a big mystery to me. Death is such a dark thing to discuss, debate, and tackle. The end-all question is, "what happens after you die?" And nobody really knows because we're alive. In Bells' video he raises a lot of questions.

When I was reading this book I was listening to Kanye West and if you know anything about Mr. West you know he raps, he swears, says the "N" word, and recently lost his mother. I wondered, is he going to heaven or is he going to hell?

Even after reading it I find it hard to explain the vastness of such a topic. This makes me want to read the book again.

The first three chapters of the book describe heaven, hell, and an introduction the discussion about the two. Bell asks questions. How are we "saved?" How do you get in or out? He then talks about how heaven is dimensional. How it's happening now and we're a part of it. (deep right?) Then he talks about hell. Which is a real place that in Jesus' day was the town dump with a constant fire.

The last five chapters talk about God, His part in this, and our part in this. Bell explains brilliantly the beauty of God, how He will never give up on us, how He gives us freedoms because He loves us so much, and how He has to play the relationship game by our rules by limiting Himself.

It made me fall in love with a Jesus I never experienced before.

One of the most interesting things that I found was a few paragraphs about separating from God by being surrounded by God. Something that I could relate too being surrounded by a Christian school and going to chapel and church every week. I thought about going to high school, never really living out that Christian walk and then going to Texas for a year where I was on my own and that separation away from my foundation back home brought me closer to God.

I was surrounded by godly influences, but lived separately from Him.

I lived away from godly influences, but surrounded myself with Him.

I think my freshman year of college is where I grew the most in my relationship with God. Something that I try to grow at this very moment. It was when I was "cut-off" from those comforts and foundation where I "bloomed." Would it be a stretch to say college saved my walk with God?

My review of Love Wins is a positive one. Something that you should read, and read slowly. I think I read it too fast. It's not a formula about heaven and hell or a recipe to how to live your life. It is, to me, another view to the beauty of God, encouraging people to discuss this topic of heaven and hell and what is reveals about God.

This whole concept of heaven and hell is destroying my brain. I've been writing this blog for a good couple of hours, getting lost in the commentary of other blogs that love/hate Bell. So many factors go into such a deep discussion. You have to get to the essence of God and humanity. It is tearing down the walls of my religious upbringing.

Here's a video I found through Facebook:

Feeling Broken For The Broken

My roommate broke his clavicle right before Christmas Break. The clavicle, also known as the collar bone, takes like a month to heal according to the internet.

After the incident he was in a sling for some time and basically did nothing. He tried going to class, tried walking faster outside, and tried getting out of bed in less than an hour. He, only on one occasion, tried showering.

Not showering is something my roommate has become known for. Usually he showers right before work and that's about it, which isn't enough times a week in my book. So, of course we gave him subtle hints to shower but his laziness overcame him to do something else.

So after the incident showering never occurred and the one time I remember him actually showering took like an hour and a half because he had to do everything slower due to the pain of the clavicle.

I, of course, didn't understand how much work and effort had to be put in just to take a shower with only one arm. I had thoughts in my mind like, "It's just a shower, it's not rocket science" or "How hard is it to do this everyday?"

Becoming understanding is hard to do. So I experimented, just to try to feel what he was feeling. In the middle of my shower I put my arm in a "sling" position and attempted to continue with my shower.

I lasted about five seconds.

After that small amount of time I gave up and was much more tolerable of my roommates' condition.

I felt broken for the broken.

I think we should apply this to other aspects of life.

Sometimes when I think about the homeless I think to myself, "Go get a job, it's not impossible." What I failed to do was put myself in their shoes. I don't know their situation, their addictions, their struggles. I, rather, put them in my shoes, if that makes sense.

I mean, I sometimes imagine what I would do if I was homeless. Fighting to find every meal, shelter over my head, making money. I usually think that the first thing I would do would be to find a job, get my paycheck, rent a place to live and go up from there. I don't think that situation is applicable though. There must be something that I don't realize or feel that makes being homeless so hard. In order to feel for the homeless, do we have to become homeless?

Isn't this what Jesus did?

Maybe Jesus came down as an average human because it was something we could relate too.

Something we know.

Imagine if Jesus came down as a King or Superhero, wouldn't that be intimidating? I can't really relate with that.

I have now returned from Christmas Break and my roommate is mostly healed. The magic of a break. He is no longer in a sling so now I expect showers to occur but who knows, maybe their is some other thing I have to relate too.

Toilets

The toilets in my dorm are very loud.  They are these high pressure toilets that I would think you would normally find in sports arenas.  When you flush, it sounds like a jet taking off. 

I always kick the handle with my foot to make it flush.  Like I'm pushing the ignition button for lift-off or stepping on the jet accelerator.  Not that you needed to know that but now you do. Let that image sink in.

Late at night. When most of my roommates are in bed and my roommate isn't snoring loudly you can hear the jet engine toilets taking off in other rooms.

This noise comforts me.

Why? Because it means other people are using the toilets too, which means they use it just like I use it, which I am just like everyone else.  It means were equals and that is comforting to me. It's not about seniority or "one-upping" one another(I walked on the moon) but rather equality. That the two of us are both equal, made in Gods image, and that we both have to go through this ridiculous awkward process of going to the bathroom.

When I hear that jet toilet take off I close my eyes, get a little smirk on my face, and sigh deeply thinking about toilets and how we all use them.

A friend of mine was convinced that woman never go to the bathroom because they are just too perfect to be involved in such a process.  I think he was joking but I enjoyed believing in it for awhile.

It taught me how to love.

This is going to sound weird, probably because it is but I want you to imagine someone you know. Naturally, you will think of someone you like, at least hopefully you do.  Now imagine them walking into the bathroom, going to the bathroom, flushing the toilet, washing their hands(always), then walking out of the bathroom.

Creeped out? Disturbed on a whole new level?  Do you still like this person?

Hopefully you do.  Now take it a little deeper.  Now imagine the girl/guy you have had your eye on for awhile.  Now lets say they come out and it is stinky.

Is this going too far? Do you still like this person?

You should, because you have probably done the same at some point in your life and people still like you so it would be rude not to so the same.

The point is, if you can imagine someone, in my opinion, in this awkward process, in a low point of human civilization, it is very easy to pour out love to them.  It seems awkward and creepy and it's not a mental exercise I encourage to repeat on a daily basis but it can help. I mean, how can you not love someone who does the same exact thing as you? Isn't that a common interest throughout all of creation?

This is what I think about when I hear toilets flushing at night.

Journal Entry | 2.20.2010

I wrote this on February 20, 2010 (hence the date on the title). At that moment I felt like God was impersonal and that I was using Him as some sort of tool to make me look better. Anyways, I figured out that God isn't to be made into some tool but rather we're supposed to have a relationship with Him and that's what I've been working on in my life lately.

An Impersonal God

Right now I'm laying in a sleeping bag getting ready to sleep on the ground of an infant playroom in some church.

I'm at a prep retreat for my mission trip to New Orleans during spring break. It's a little sleepover thing where we learn about what were doing and bonding with the team so it's not super awkward when we go down there.

All night long we've been sharing our stories of our lives. We made a time line of our walk with Jesus where we wrote down five significant events that impacted our lives.

I wrote down accepting Jesus in my life when I was seven, my youth group leaders in grade school, NLA, Baylor, and Bethel. I then had to deal with telling everyone in my group about it. I wasn't worried about it really but after I was done giving my little spiel of words I was disappointed in my speech. I was cliche and bland, made generalizations, and it was just disappointing to say the least.

Before I started writing this I was in the sleeping bag playing a card game on my iPod. I have won this game fifty times since the end of January which basically means to me I have a very boring uninviting life.

That's what I should have said in my little speech. That my life right now is a complete and utter boring mess and I signed up for this trip to jump start me living a better story. Or at least it was when I signed up for it.

Right now, months after signing up for this I feel very distant from God. Well, distant isn't the word. I feel lost, out of sync, stranded, and alone. I feel I have made my relationship God into a political self-help book God. That I'm just using Him as some big tool for me to write about and argue about. Jesus seems to have become impersonal to me or better yet I have become impersonal to God.

I've been reading about lifeboats lately. How we all seem to be trying to persuade everyone that we are worth keeping on the lifeboat and that they should throw someone else off when it starts to sink. We find our worth from those people and try to make ourselves look better through it.

I'm reading about how Jesus came in and said,"Who needs a lifeboat?" It's about finding our worth and love from God only and how that should be enough.

I never want to be considered some thoughtful person or philosophical writer or some creative artist. I don't want that to happen to me. But people tell me I am these things and I find worth in that so I try to personify that type of personality. Always seeming to ask the tough questions with the easiest of whim. Always contemplating life challenges and it's meaning. All I need next is a smoking pipe and one of those big leather arm chairs where I can sit next to a roaring fire and feel important as people come up to me and ask what life is truly about. Yes, I don't want that.

I would rather find worth from my personal God, my dance partner going through life together. I think that is about it. I mean, I like writing my thoughts online but I don't want to be considered some amazing thinker. Just a guy, living out his life, striving to be that beautiful reflection of an intimate Jesus who together are living a better story.

I have now just finished a chapter in a book about this. It is "Searching For God Knows What" by Donald Miller and it goes through his journey also.

Funny how things work like that.

Seeing Human (The Naked Inside You)

I read this book called, "Sex God" and I liked it.

It always take awhile to get used to the Rob Bell style of writing but I like it because it is simple, yet profound. It continues to change my perspective on paragraph length.

Part of the book tells the story about American soldiers finding the concentration camps. It goes on to talk about how the people in the camps were treated as not human and that is why they become so miserable. Instead of being a unique creation of God they were treated as something else. Something that wasn't human.

It goes on to talk about how a large shipment of lipstick came to the camp and how everyone thought how random of an order that was but they took what they received and passed it out around the camp. The next day everyone seemed more joyful, running around with lipstick on their face smiling and laughing. It was the lipstick that made them remember that they were human, that they were something special instead of a number.

I feel like we do this a lot. Making humans less of a human. Giving labels to people just so we can define them in something when simply they are human. I was just doing this to people I watch on the television. People I don't even know but I am labeling them as something. I do not think I would treat the villain of a movie as well as the hero of a movie.

I got an email once telling me not to buy this certain kind of stamp because it had something to do with the Muslims. It told me to boycott from buying them because Muslims were involved in September 11th, and the Muslims this, the Muslims that.

Muslims are human.
Americans are human.

I was watching a television show about a bunch of lawyers. One lawyer, an Australian dude, likes another lawyer, a blond girl.

A male human like a female human.

Anyways, at first he didn't treat her as human but as some object. He tried to get her with chocolates and flowers, but she was still an object so that didn't work. Later he realizes from his ever wise guitar playing friend that if he really cares about her that he has to love the naked inside her. Her thoughts, feelings, etc..

He has to make her human.

In the end he writes her a poem set to music. Makes her human, not an object. He cares about the naked inside her and, I'm assuming, but she cares about the naked inside him.

Because we're human, and we should see others as human.

Headphones

It was on a icy January night where I listened to God. The roads were slick and I was driving home from a party and on the way back I decided to go a different route. I don't know why I did but I just had this small pecking inside me to go a different way home.

Sure enough, as I stopped at a stop sign there was a car on the side of the road with a guy inside. I turned the car around and opened my window to ask if he needed any help. I asked, "Do you need any help?" He saw me, turned on his car battery, opened his window and I asked again, "Do you need any help?"

He replied, "I got a tow truck coming here soon, but I appreciate you stopping."

I acknowledged. He put his window back up. I put my window back up. I drove away. He sat in his car waiting for a tow truck. I took a long U-turn around the block so it wouldn't be awkward if I drove by him again.

As I drove back home I saw a police man coming down the road, and then a little later as I was going through the round-a-bout I saw a tow truck entering the round-a-bout.

I didn't do much that night other than just pull a couple of U-turns but I do believe that God speaks to us like that. Little heart nudges. I always had imagined it like a loud drum but this was more like a soft whisper.

I had the choice to reject or accept. Say yes or no. Confirm or deny.

I might not have done much for the guy sitting in the car waiting for tow truck, but it did something to me even though I didn't have the intent to help myself.

Maybe God has some headphones we just haven't put on yet and maybe we just have to pray to find them. My friend started praying that God would show him ways to love people. They plugged into God, started listening for little heart nudges. It probably wasn't easy at first, but he would come to us with stories of the transforming power of love. I never saw the people he talked about in the stories, but you could tell that he had started to change. That something was different.

That the headphones were getting louder.

If I Had A Club...

Sleep seems to be passing me by this month. I don't know whether it is because at times my dorm room is eighty degrees or because my mind can never seem to shut off from little scenarios in my head.

I have been thinking about random people throughout my life and I am not sure why.

I thought of Peter, who was my best friend in third grade and I remember telling him who I liked while walking on the street by the playground during recess after telling him how he was my best friend and how I felt like I had to tell him because I couldn't contain my feelings any longer. I made him promise over and over again not to tell anyone but the next day somehow people found out and teased me about it.

And Bailey, whose mom was high school friends with my friends mom. I would run into her on the sidewalks of Baylor and ask her about her broken wrist when she actually had a cast on it from intramural football. Then spring semester started and I only saw her occasionally when I was walking to my nine o'clock class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and she barely ever saw me but when she did it only consisted of one of those awkward waves from the opposite sides of the street. I didn't even know her that well but I always liked waving to her because she had a nice smile and actually stopped to talk to me once.

We made a list today in class of who we would like to meet someday. I wrote a lot of my favorite authors and musicians then assumed that meeting famous or even semi-famous people would be semi-awkward and would be kinda boring so I wrote down a fireman, homeless person, and the guy who invited my pencil because those guys would have stories to tell. I feel that we wouldn't have that awkward of conversations and that maybe I would have something to contribute to the conversations.

I haven't been able to write in awhile which might contribute to my lack of sleep because writing your thoughts down helps a lot. Even if you don't post them to some public website I would highly suggest at least writing your thoughts down. At least, it helps my mind not get so filled up. The more I write the easier it has become to write down my thoughts about something. For my class I have to write about what I thought about certain pieces of music or a theatre production and my roommate gets angry at me because I write a lot more than him and he says I am making everyone else look bad. Writing is good.

I originally titled this draft, "A Dark Robe" and I am not sure why. Usually when I write a draft I type in the title and then a little snippet about some moment I had so I will remember what I want to write about but for this one I just wrote the title then assumed I would remember what I wanted to write about. I must not have been happy with the title because I didn't write anything and now I forget how I came up with "A Dark Robe." I don't even like the title anyway.

I started reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell and I remember my sister-in-law asking me if the book was about sex and I am only two chapters in but it doesn't seem like it is about sex but rather sexuality. I don't know the difference really but I'm only two chapters in so I don't know much yet. It's a good book so far though, at least better than I expected. I remember hanging out with my friend Laura at Baylor and seeing the book and thinking, "what a dumb title for a book." I was wrong. It's an awesome title and so far a good book.

I keep reading about the Haiti earthquake and that is sad to hear about but I always wonder why it takes an earthquake for people to wake up and start caring for something and start donating money to. You don't see a lot of people in the news every day doing a fundraiser for schools in Africa and clean water for people in Rwanda. Why is it always an earthquake or hurricane or mudslide? Why not rally the caring everyday? Do we blind ourselves of the hurt around us until we find something we can't avoid?

I am no longer importing these blogs onto Facebook, so no more "notes." I liked it and I think it had more pros than cons because random people would comment it and tell me how they like my random love poems about strangers but I think I want to keep this whole blogging thing a little more exclusive and let people find it on their own. I guess exclusive isn't the right word because it sounds like I am the bouncer and only want a certain amount of people into my club of writings so I guess what I want to say is that I don't want to be so public with this whole blogging thing quite yet.

I'll end this by saying that if I did have a club, I would have open mic night and people would come up and read their thoughts or poems and at the end people would snap and not clap because that what I imagine in my club.

Also, after re-reading this post I feel like it has a lot of run-on sentences...

Mission Statement

28.30 | My life is in need of consistent refocusing. A constant center for which I can base all other things in life. I want to share with you the mission statement of my life. It's just a chapter out of the Bible and it is usually share when talking about love but I think this chapter is much more than that. The thing that always brings me back to a focus point is the part about the mirror. How when in the low points of the roller coaster of life we are but a poor reflection in the mirror and how we know only a part of who we are, even though we seem to fully know ourselves.

I think of it as if we know what we can become but just have yet to reach it. That in this low point of the roller coaster ride we have yet to reach full potential. I usually ask myself how I got in this low state or why I got there.

It usually all comes back to me putting God in the back seat and trying to do things my own way and in doing this I get my poor reflection. I tend to over-analyze things and that makes things complicated sometimes. I've learned that becoming a reflection of Jesus usually involves a simple task and a leap of faith.


I Corinthians 13:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Intimate With Jesus

24.30 | Well, I thought about writing about being intimate with Jesus before being intimate with someone else and now my good friend wrote about it (click here) after one of his friends wrote about it (click here) and since their words are better than mine I'm going to be the lazy one and copy and paste it into here.

So this idea is kind of playing off of my friend Gabby’s blog, but I guess it is slightly different and maybe even taking her thoughts a bit further. If you don’t want to read her blog, she basically argues that relationships are a gift from God, and we shouldn’t think that God is merely waiting for us “to be content in Him” before He gives us one. She talks about how God blesses people who aren’t necessarily content in Him and may be seeking contentment in relationships with relationships, while not giving people who are only seeking contentment in Him one. She says that we do nothing to merit a relationship, and I think she is right.

However, she talks more about the relationship part, and I am going to talk about the seeking contentment in God part. She quotes a girl she overheard saying, “I realized that before I can be in a relationship, I have to be content in God first.”

I pity with a thousand pities the one who ever is content in God. I would think the one who is content in God does not even know God. How could someone ever be content in a being like this when we continue to desire to know our friends and boyfriends and wives better?

I pray that I am never content in God. I pray that until the day my arms are around My Savior I am never fulfilled, but that with each passing moment my hunger and thirst and passions are always wanting more of Jesus. Indeed I would trade a thousand worlds of contentedness for one world of being discontent, if only I may know the heart of My God so intimately that when I behold His face in all of its glory, it will not be as an estranged son coming home, but as a bride being presented before my lover in the most romantic and joyous of wedding ceremonies to ever grace eternity.

I very well could be wrong, but I am not aware of any verse in the Bible that says to be content in God. However, I know many verses about seeking Him and longing for Him and following Him and pursuing Him alone. Therefore, as long as I have life in my heart I will not seek contentment, but only God, and God not as an end, but as a love that knows no limits.

That said, I would encourage everyone who thinks they need to be content in God before having a relationship to think again. I would hope that even in a relationship you are never content in God. As my friend Gabby so simply and profoundly puts, “Love the Lord whether or not you get a relationship in the end. Pursue Him heart and soul.”

Josh

It Rained Today

23.30 | It rained today in Minnesota but that doesn't have anything to do with this post really. I thought back to last year when I went to a church service outside and it was pretty cool.

Church should always be outside, but only if the weather permits. One of the joys of having consistent, non-personality Texas weather I guess. The church I attend had church outside today.

So there I was sitting on a blanket and singing along with David Crowder. I would look around and see all these trees swaying in the wind and all these birds chirping. At that point the worship wasn't about the words of the song but just seeing the beauty all around. At that moment, you didn't have to sing along just to worship with a community.

One song they sang was "You Alone." Near the end of the song there is a big crescendo and they start singing, "I'm alive!" over and over again. I have sung that song many times before but being outside made it a very different experience for me. Being "alive" at that point was more than being inside a church but rather being outside, enjoying the weather. I felt like I was actually "living" instead of just going through the motions.

There wasn't a sermon at this service. Just a couple songs, people getting baptized, and communion and I liked that.

I still remember the blanket I sat on. It had strawberries on it.

Moments of Jesus-reflection

14.30 | The thought that Jesus was shorter than me is kind of weird...

I think about what Jesus would do in today's society and I get confused because I don't know what kind of car He would drive or if He would have a car at all...

Jesus was the ultimate hero because He put others before himself...

I wonder how many followers Jesus would have on Twitter...

Would Jesus even have a Twitter?

Jesus is a manly-man on many levels...

I wonder what the equivalent to the washing of the feet would be in modern times?

Would it still be the washing of the feet?

Would Jesus ever considering something sexy?

Would Jesus prefer Coke or Pepsi?

When I think of Jesus as a child I think of Him as scraping his knee a lot...

Jesus would seem to always be participating in no-shave November...

I think Jesus would've been a blogger or someone would've blogged for him...

I think haven't wrapped my mind around the suffering of Jesus on the cross...

I'm Not Home

11.30 | A story from a last year Christmas ride...

I had one of those "moments" recently. I was in an airplane, sitting next to some business lady that had two phones, and having some moments to myself as I listened to music. It was the normal mix of Christmas tunes and The Classic Crime.

I was going home for Christmas, to see my family and my friends, and for some reason, I thought about the people overseas who never get to go home for Christmas. I cried for them, a couple thousand feet in the air, zooming through the clouds. I also cried not only because I was going home for the first time in a long time, but I didn't feel like I was quite "home." My heart was lost, gone astray, and looking for the easy route in life.

The thing about feeling "far from home" is that at that time I didn't feel like I was doing my best with God. I didn't feel my relationship was right. I felt God was looking down at me telling me I can do more. My heart felt so far from being at home with God. I wasn't even His neighbor but rather some distant relative that I never visit.

This what at a time where my religion classes were more like history classes and chapel seemed more like a social period. Jesus seemed more like a historical figure and not the Savior of your sins. I was far from the home that I was used too.

I longed to be closer to home, in all aspects. With God, with family, with family.

It was one of those glorious, self-sustaining moments in life where you feel good about what you're doing but hope that nobody is watching. So there came down my tears next to some lady with two phones, heading north towards home.

The Future

I fear the future. Whether it is tomorrow, the next month, the next three years, or when I'm thirty. When I think about any of them it kind of stresses me out.

Whenever I get stressed out about the future I relate and reminisce about the past. I remember the "glory days" of chalking driveways and laughing uncontrollably with friends. I remember past crushes and past events. There are memories I wish I could take back or replay and then there are the memories I wish I could delete or retape.

A sidewalk at Baylor had a verse that said something about laying your troubles on the Lord but I forgot the reference. I related to it alot that year.

I think every relationship you have has a window of opportunity to where you can expand your friendship into something deeper and meaningful or maybe even blossom into love. I mean, I am no expert on relationships but I would like to say I have had my opportunities for better friendships or possibly girlfriends but the past is already written.

It's just something to think about. What would have happened if this choice was made or you did this instead of that?

Maybe what you thought was a window of opportunity actually wasn't and it has still yet to come. Maybe there was never a window and you have already reached a full potential.

Maybe...

I think I heard somewhere that if you think about the past too much you will never do anything with your future.

I think I have been thinking so much about the past lately because I am so scared of the future. What struggles lay ahead? What twist and turns the road will take? When will the ups and downs of the roller coaster make you sick? The future kind of scares me. It's something that I have the power to control but it is so unimaginable and boundless that it seems chaotic.

Now I realize that the future isn't mine to control or to plan, but to put it into the hands of someone with the knowledge and mind that is able to define, coordinate, and control the future. Someone that stands outside of time and space. Someone that doesn't plan just one path for me to take but knows every path that I can take with final destinations already in hand. Like a choose-your-own-adventure storybook.

The future seems less scary that way...

This Too Shall Be Made Right

You know when all hope seems lost? The feeling that the whole world seems to just never want to change? When you feel as if you are backup up against a wall and hundred people are coming at you?

I've had this feeling in me for some time when my patience becomes low and I wish magically it would all become better. This song reminded me that in the end everything will be made right. That God will come down and change everything. There is a time for everything under the sun. A time for good and a time for bad. In the end though, it shall too be made right. Change will come, it will come through God, and He shall make it right. I don't know how it will be done but when it does come I can't wait.

I saw a bunch of people with picket signs awhile back. There were marching around in a tight circle on the side of the road. The only part of the sign I could read was the word "unfair" written on the sign. I think the rest was about labor and work hours but I am not so sure. They marched around for a couple hours I think and their signs were lower the second time I passed them rather than the first.

I do know this: That God is just, and God is love.

Christian Crazies

I found this article that blew my mind and that you can find here.

No wonder people think Christians are crazy. I don't know where my faith would be without rock music. I don't know where my faith would be without the freedom to dance at will. Articles like this taint the view of what Christianity is really about. Articles like this is why I don't like calling myself a Christian. I would rather be called a loving person who is trying to reflect Jesus' revolutionary love in the world. The word "Christian" comes with too much baggage. This reminds me of the movie "Footloose" where the kids fight for the right to have a school dance.

For those who couldn't go to the link here is the article:

FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.

Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.

Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.

The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.

Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.

"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.

Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.

"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."

England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.

"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.

The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."

England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.

"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."

The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.

"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.

___

Tough Questions

My cousin recently died in Iraq and I promised myself I wouldn't blog about it because I didn't want to. The story is that he died by a suicide bomber. The thing that makes the story special is that he and his company engaged the suicide bomber and shot him which in turn saved lives. News articles were written in the paper and stories were run in the news about my cousins' death. They interviewed my uncle and how he felt about his death. His neighborhood street was lined with American Flags and yellow ribbons. He was honored in the Iowa Senate. The funeral visitation lasted eight hours. My mom wrote the following in an e-mail sent to me. I only share this with you because I found them quite hard to ponder about and think about. I do not look for sympathy.

The whole thing was overwhelming. There was so much to think about and I am still processing my thoughts on life, war, honor, freedom, military service etc.

• Sacrifice a life for the country's freedom vs Jesus’ sacrifice for our freedom?
• Why the military is steeped with honor and respect and pride and the church is not?
• Why ordinary people would stop and get out of their cars in the middle of the freeway in the cold drizzly weather to stand respectfully with their hand on their hearts or saluting, while the funeral processional went by?
• How when you sign up for the military, the military becomes your family - or does it become your religion, since you are to obey your commander above all else?
• Does showing a military slide show at the funeral glorify war/violence? Isn’t Jesus for peace?
• Did they have a funeral for the suicide bomber? Is him family mourning him the same way we are mourning?
• His brother wants to go to Iraq and get revenge for his brother's death. What do you say to him?
• What motivates the guy who voluntarily drove over 50 miles to put up over 300 American Flags around the outside of the church?
• What would Jesus do?

He did witness to his fellow soldiers about Jesus while in Iraq.
And there are others coming to Christ as a result of his quote.

"It's like this. All the other pretend gods want you to die for them, but instead
Jesus died for you."


This is how I replied:

I admire all the patriotic flag-waving things done in honor of what he did. I'm just not quite sure what to think about all this either I guess. I think I just don't like politics/patriotism and religion mixed together. Those are tough questions. Very tough questions.

• I think Jesus' sacrifice for our freedom trumps all. He died not just serving for a country but died for all of mankind serving God.
• After reading "Jesus for President" and reading about how much of tax payers money goes into the army and war I do not think highly of the Army. I appreciate what they do protecting our country, just don't like the way they go about it. We had a chapel speaker once who would go out in the street and ask people what they thought of Christians and then ask them what they thought about Jesus. They responded that Christians were hypocrites, cults, and responsible for the Crusades while Jesus was God's Son who died for us.
• I don't know what motivated people to stop in the middle of the highway.
• Martin Luther King wrote about law once. He wrote that there is earthly law and heavenly law. Some laws are the same (murder is wrong) and some laws are different. He says heavenly law trumps all. So I guess if an Army commander goes against heavenly law, you follow the real commander of Jesus Christ.
• If I were to make a slideshow at a funeral I would hope it glorifies service and sacrifice, not war/violence. I guess people interpret things differently. I remember seeing a campaign ad supporting McCain and it was a soldier glorifying the war. It showed him close up then slowly zoomed back to reveal that he had lost his leg in combat. I guess that sends a message for war glory.
• I would assume they had a funeral for him. I think their religion glorifies honor and dedication through suicide bombing the same way we glorify it through fighting for freedom.
• On revenge: Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19
• I guess the guy who drives that far feels compelled to put up flags the same way dad felt compelled to stick around for the funeral for so long.
• I don't know what Jesus would do. He wept when he learned that Lazarus died and visited their family, but he didn't die in a war or by a suicide bomber.
  
  It's all very confusing and I'm never quite sure what to think. Comments?

Worship : Chapter 9

I wrote the following in 11th grade for my bible class and I thought I'd share it with you. For class we had to read a chapter out of this book called "Finding Faith" by Brian D. McLaren and then answer some response questions replying what we got out of the chapter. This is what I got out of chapter nine.

I have experienced God through Ritual, Nature, and Art/Worship the most out of the five experiences. I have examples from all of the three above which I will discuss in another question.

Worship/Art: I am interested in further pursuing worship and art. It’s hard to do something you love and still keep God involved sometimes. For me, my personal experience in this is baseball. I absolutely positively without-a-doubt love baseball. I love playing it and I enjoy watching it (hence the die hard Twins fan). There were times were I would think that I loved baseball more than I loved God. I realized then how much I was grabbing onto a worldly desire and possession. God is so much better than any worldly possession of desire. I think so many professional athletes play for only for themselves so much, and that they only play to earn the big contract to spend on other worldly possessions. Other athletes who play for the love of the game, which are a select few, are the ones who have the good attitude and love playing the game. I think Morneau said it best when discussing his contract when he said “That my agents job, I just want to play baseball.” Wow, sorry totally getting off topic. Recently, in the beginning of baseball season, Mr. Callahan talks about who we represent on and off the field. He told us that the biggest thing we represent as part of this team is God. He said how you play out there in the field is an act of worship. My mom always tells me to do the best I can in everything even if I don’t like it (homework). I think God wants you to be successful in everything you do, but to always do it not for worldly glory, but for the Lord.

Ritual: Something that stuck out to me when it talked about rituals was a story about when I first started working out on a consistent basis. People say it takes at least 21 days to get into a continuous habit. I’m not sure that this section is also considered to be habitual but I only worked out if other people were working out to keep me company. After awhile I would start working out by myself cause because it became a habit. I’ll admit it was harder with nobody around to push me to my limits but it still became a habit. Another time for me was trying to get me to read the Bible everyday, it was hard for me because I would always find an excuse to not do it and it was hard for me to keep it a habit. Then someone became my accountability partner and reminded me a lot to read my bible everyday, it was very encouraging for me and really enjoyed it. This person was somewhat of an odd source for being such an encouragement for me but I really appreciated it and reading my bible everyday eventually became a habit for me. He also talks about how habits are too much and how when we do them everyday they just get old and you don’t tend to learn anything from them. That is true in some respects, going to church every Sunday can sometimes be a drag, I'll be honest. Working out every day seemed to do nothing for me, but when you look at the end result, from the first time you worked out to the last time, you can really really see a difference. I think if you have the right mind set and want to expand in your relationship with God and church then it won't become such a drag.

Nature: I like taking pictures a lot, and every time I take nature shot and analyze it I can always see God’s beautiful design in this world. There is this spot at my cabin (which I’m not exactly fond of) that I can see all the way down the lake and all the trees and sunsets and the way the light comes from it is just marvelous. A moment happened today when I was procrastinating before dinner and not doing homework. I was looking at Brittany Brackett’s Facebook pictures from her recent mission trip to somewhere and it had this picture of some flowers in a sketchy part of town. Under the picture was a caption “God’s beauty in an ugly place.” It struck me as that God is everywhere, even in the most desolate places.