The Future

I fear the future. Whether it is tomorrow, the next month, the next three years, or when I'm thirty. When I think about any of them it kind of stresses me out.

Whenever I get stressed out about the future I relate and reminisce about the past. I remember the "glory days" of chalking driveways and laughing uncontrollably with friends. I remember past crushes and past events. There are memories I wish I could take back or replay and then there are the memories I wish I could delete or retape.

A sidewalk at Baylor had a verse that said something about laying your troubles on the Lord but I forgot the reference. I related to it alot that year.

I think every relationship you have has a window of opportunity to where you can expand your friendship into something deeper and meaningful or maybe even blossom into love. I mean, I am no expert on relationships but I would like to say I have had my opportunities for better friendships or possibly girlfriends but the past is already written.

It's just something to think about. What would have happened if this choice was made or you did this instead of that?

Maybe what you thought was a window of opportunity actually wasn't and it has still yet to come. Maybe there was never a window and you have already reached a full potential.

Maybe...

I think I heard somewhere that if you think about the past too much you will never do anything with your future.

I think I have been thinking so much about the past lately because I am so scared of the future. What struggles lay ahead? What twist and turns the road will take? When will the ups and downs of the roller coaster make you sick? The future kind of scares me. It's something that I have the power to control but it is so unimaginable and boundless that it seems chaotic.

Now I realize that the future isn't mine to control or to plan, but to put it into the hands of someone with the knowledge and mind that is able to define, coordinate, and control the future. Someone that stands outside of time and space. Someone that doesn't plan just one path for me to take but knows every path that I can take with final destinations already in hand. Like a choose-your-own-adventure storybook.

The future seems less scary that way...