Moments of self-reflection

I seem to favor high-fives and handshakes but I always long for something that brings more comfort...

If my dreams ever became reality I would be considered one weird guy...

My roommate once called my political affiliation "half democrat, half just weird"

The music I listen to most always reflects my mood but I can't find out what mood Usher is...

I sit in my bed staring the ceiling sometimes wondering how I came to be in this one spot in the world at this moment and all the moments that led up to it...

I consider myself a semi-germaphobe and slightly OCD but sometimes I love a dirty, unorganized space...

Sometimes I wished I listened to my mom and became a lawyer...

I wish things you wanted were always free...

If I get to 100 blogs I will thank Josh Lancette first...

I like High School Musical and I am not ashamed...

I want to travel the world and then write a New York Times best-selling book...

I want to marry the woman of my dreams and I want to be the man of her dreams...

I once had a crush on Alice in the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland...

The first crush I had in Pre-K was everything I look for in woman today...

I still believe that Minnesotans have some infatuation with Texas...

Nebraska could be the most boring state to drive through...

Serving others is like a drug to me...

Twilight is kind of a weird flick...

I don't think a Royal is a good mascot, but a Bear is...

Art has the power to transform...

I don't want to be considered a wise man, just a guy who wrote about thoughts...

I still can't believe I actually blog...

I still can't believe people call them "notes" just because they go on Facebook even though I prefer the name "note" over "blog." It's a blog people, get it right...

I've considered getting rid of my Facebook account but thinking about the effects of that decision kinda scared me...

My life would be totally different if I knew how to play guitar...

Mr. Post was right when he told us that it wasn't to late to learn to love reading...

I always wonder how many people read these things, someday my following will be loud and proud...

Mustang

I drove the Mustang tonight and as I was walking up to it I first noticed how I could see my breath. I talked to the car because it was a long day and I felt like it.

I said, "Hello Mustang - Yes, yes I would like to drive you on this night if you would be so kind. You are a fine piece of craftsmanship mixed with beauty and grace, yet with muscle and power. I swear the designer of you was either on drugs, or an angel of the Lord came down and guided their pencil."

That part about the designer I believe is true. The Mustang is a fine piece of art and I think I can see a little piece of heaven in it.

Anyways, I was driving the Mustang and as I pulled a right turn coming out of Bethel I felt a sudden urging of smallness. I felt so insignificant and worthless that I felt the car was driving me and I was just along for the ride. I felt as if I was to weak to even be in this powerful machine.

I felt weak, then I got scared.

I sat there thinking was kind of damage the Mustang could do. A big V8 engine encased in metal, plastic, and rubber. It's a moving wrecking ball.

So I felt very small in the Mustang this night.

Then I thought about God and how small we are compared to Him and how much power He has. We are just specks of dust on a scale.

That didn't help my self-esteem much.

Then I remembered that though we are but specks of dust on a scale we still have a relationship with Him. He wants to know us, be with us, fellowship with us, have community with us. That even though we are not the most powerful creatures on the planet we still have the steering wheel.

I don't really know how to close this out so I'll just leave it open-ended, up for interpretation and imagination.

The Future

I fear the future. Whether it is tomorrow, the next month, the next three years, or when I'm thirty. When I think about any of them it kind of stresses me out.

Whenever I get stressed out about the future I relate and reminisce about the past. I remember the "glory days" of chalking driveways and laughing uncontrollably with friends. I remember past crushes and past events. There are memories I wish I could take back or replay and then there are the memories I wish I could delete or retape.

A sidewalk at Baylor had a verse that said something about laying your troubles on the Lord but I forgot the reference. I related to it alot that year.

I think every relationship you have has a window of opportunity to where you can expand your friendship into something deeper and meaningful or maybe even blossom into love. I mean, I am no expert on relationships but I would like to say I have had my opportunities for better friendships or possibly girlfriends but the past is already written.

It's just something to think about. What would have happened if this choice was made or you did this instead of that?

Maybe what you thought was a window of opportunity actually wasn't and it has still yet to come. Maybe there was never a window and you have already reached a full potential.

Maybe...

I think I heard somewhere that if you think about the past too much you will never do anything with your future.

I think I have been thinking so much about the past lately because I am so scared of the future. What struggles lay ahead? What twist and turns the road will take? When will the ups and downs of the roller coaster make you sick? The future kind of scares me. It's something that I have the power to control but it is so unimaginable and boundless that it seems chaotic.

Now I realize that the future isn't mine to control or to plan, but to put it into the hands of someone with the knowledge and mind that is able to define, coordinate, and control the future. Someone that stands outside of time and space. Someone that doesn't plan just one path for me to take but knows every path that I can take with final destinations already in hand. Like a choose-your-own-adventure storybook.

The future seems less scary that way...