I'm Not Home

11.30 | A story from a last year Christmas ride...

I had one of those "moments" recently. I was in an airplane, sitting next to some business lady that had two phones, and having some moments to myself as I listened to music. It was the normal mix of Christmas tunes and The Classic Crime.

I was going home for Christmas, to see my family and my friends, and for some reason, I thought about the people overseas who never get to go home for Christmas. I cried for them, a couple thousand feet in the air, zooming through the clouds. I also cried not only because I was going home for the first time in a long time, but I didn't feel like I was quite "home." My heart was lost, gone astray, and looking for the easy route in life.

The thing about feeling "far from home" is that at that time I didn't feel like I was doing my best with God. I didn't feel my relationship was right. I felt God was looking down at me telling me I can do more. My heart felt so far from being at home with God. I wasn't even His neighbor but rather some distant relative that I never visit.

This what at a time where my religion classes were more like history classes and chapel seemed more like a social period. Jesus seemed more like a historical figure and not the Savior of your sins. I was far from the home that I was used too.

I longed to be closer to home, in all aspects. With God, with family, with family.

It was one of those glorious, self-sustaining moments in life where you feel good about what you're doing but hope that nobody is watching. So there came down my tears next to some lady with two phones, heading north towards home.