Missing Texas

19.30 | Tonight I think I finally figured out why I went to Baylor and why I miss it at times.

I think it might be because I was on the outside. I was a thousand miles away from home and it was just me. It was a new experience and a new adventure. It was what I dreamed of doing. I dreamed of changing people, changing campus, meeting wonderful people, and possibly love. I imagined a different life for myself. Something that was away from what I was known for back home. Something where I could become someone, and become someone I wanted to be. I thought of Baylor as a place I could expand and grow and where sky was the limit. I planned on being there for four years. I was planning on transferring like my older siblings.

I had a dream awhile ago that I actually ended up going back to Baylor. In my dream I had actually transferred back to the university I transferred from. I was there for a week and then in one swift movement everything that I hated came to me, brought me to my knees, and made me weep.

Yet I still miss it at times.

I miss the culture, the weather, the people, the non-Minnesota nice, the crappy food, the smelly water, the hot sun, the dry grass, the awkward moments with people, the large campus, the tray-less dining center, the Bear Pit, Dr. Pepper Hour, watching hippies climb trees, the long walks, the cool nights, the sports games, Sonic, and even that weird Helen Keller billboard.

And yet it took me this long to see this.

Don't get me wrong I'm happy with my choice to come back home to Bethel it's just that I think I miss the experience of a new story. It's almost as if I feel like I am living a story I have already been through. This is why I am excited for New Orleans because I am going back down south and it's another chapter in a story, my story.

I think the only thing that was missing at Baylor was support or a fall back plan. I had much support from friends but they were all over a thousand miles away so then I started missing a physical touch. I still remember my first hug at Baylor and how new it felt.

Bethel is grand. The people seem real. I have support and some people I can fall back on. Now the new experience is missing. So I am searching and learning how to live a better story.

Texas, I shall see you again some day.