Squeaky Windshield Wipers, A Sex Sign, and a Kia Minivan

We made it to St. Louis last night at around 2am and now its 8am and we're back on the road already. We all are a little short of sleep so the people sitting behind me are currently sleeping, or attempting to sleep.

I currently am holding the position of navigator which chooses the music and helps keep the driver company. I don't even navigate because I'm in the car that doesn't have the GPS so basically the car I am in just follows the first car.

Yesterday we departed from Bethel at 5:00pm. We drove non-stop to someplace in Iowa. We stopped in what seemed like a sketchy place, even for Iowa. It was dirty and had a bunch of cars going by blasting rap music.

Along the way though we drove by a store by the name of Purely Pleasure. It had one of those big signs that displays the time and temperature but also displayed other sayings such as, "sex is great and our toys are too.". It was in the middle of nowhere too but I assume that since they have a display sign they are doing alright. I imagined the owner of the shop; wondering what his life must be like. I also wondered if he likes his job.

But this brings me back to an Iowa gas station in what seems like a sketchy area. We all had to use a bathroom in this gas station which had an "out of order" sign on it but everything worked so I don't know what was out of order. This gas station sold a lot of liquor, like wall to wall liquor.

Some guy was restocking the shelves and I was standing there waiting for someone to get done in the bathroom. He asked me if I was from Texas because I was wearing my UT Longhorns hat. I told him no that I'm just a fan. He smiled and I smiled and I got the feeling, or the impression, that he was a very friendly guy. He left though to go restock some more and now I am wishing I made some more small talk with him.

After that Iowaian ( Iowaean, Iowaite, Iowation?) gas station the weather got pretty bad, it rained, poured, visibility was low and we had to pass many semi-trucks which is scary in good weather if you ask me. We took another small break a couple hours later and that is when it was my turn to drive.

Before I drove though we got gas. And before I drove I sat in the back seat listening to a squeaky windshield wiper going back and forth which was annoying to the driver and the navigator at the time. At the gas station we checked out this squeaky windshield wiper and I'll spare you the details of the damage but we fixed it pretty easily and because we fixed it we felt manly so we checked the oil to feel more manly.

Then I drove and the rain still was coming down but not as worse as before. I drove this Kia minivan and for those of you who like minivans, shame on you. It was like driving a suburban but it was a lot lower and I don't how those things are safe at all because they have a huge blind spot. This is my rant on minivans. I shall never own one of those things.

I drove until we got to St. Louis and i was surprised I made it that far. My navigator kept me awake and played a random shuffle of music that we would sing along too.

The only event that really occurred was having a rock hit the windshield causing a little dent crack thing.

It's now 9am and we are still heading southbound. More to come later.

Preparation

Tomorrow, which is actually today(it's kind of late), I will be heading off into uncharted waters as I make my way to New Orleans.

I am excited.

I feel very supported going on this adventure. For the last week or so I have had people telling me that they're happy for me for going and I got an email today telling me someone I don't know will be praying for me specifically which seems a little awkward but I'm all for it. I feel that my friends and family support me in what I am doing and have been there ever since I told them about how I wanted to go on this trip, to do something with my life, and to live a better story.

I chose New Orleans because I didn't want to go overseas. That seemed like too big of a step and it wasn't a hoop I wanted to jump through. I set a reasonable goal(America), something that I knew would be challenging, but could be completed.

I picked up the application kind of on a whim and I looked at it on my desk for a couple of days contemplating whether I should go or not. In the end, I just went with it, setting the rest of the story in motion.

I don't have any expectations for this trip and I am alright with that because if I had expectations I would probably set them too high, so that they could never be reached. So I come in with no expectations, kind of open to whatever the Lord has planned for me. I think that I just have to keep myself open to what the Lord wants me to do and listen.

As Greg Boyd puts it, "keep asking yourself, 'am I present?'"

It basically means be present in every moment to what the Lord is telling you like right now,

and right now,

and right now.

So I am planning on keeping a journal while I am down there. Actually, the group of people want you to keep one so all of us will probably be keeping one while down there. I don't know if I will have time to post anything while I'm down there but maybe when I come back I will post them.

Anyway, all ten or so people that read this, this is what I am doing for the next week. I will come back with stories...maybe, probably, hopefully, no guarantees but I would bet on it. That sort of thing.

Journal Entry | 2.20.2010

I wrote this on February 20, 2010 (hence the date on the title). At that moment I felt like God was impersonal and that I was using Him as some sort of tool to make me look better. Anyways, I figured out that God isn't to be made into some tool but rather we're supposed to have a relationship with Him and that's what I've been working on in my life lately.

An Impersonal God

Right now I'm laying in a sleeping bag getting ready to sleep on the ground of an infant playroom in some church.

I'm at a prep retreat for my mission trip to New Orleans during spring break. It's a little sleepover thing where we learn about what were doing and bonding with the team so it's not super awkward when we go down there.

All night long we've been sharing our stories of our lives. We made a time line of our walk with Jesus where we wrote down five significant events that impacted our lives.

I wrote down accepting Jesus in my life when I was seven, my youth group leaders in grade school, NLA, Baylor, and Bethel. I then had to deal with telling everyone in my group about it. I wasn't worried about it really but after I was done giving my little spiel of words I was disappointed in my speech. I was cliche and bland, made generalizations, and it was just disappointing to say the least.

Before I started writing this I was in the sleeping bag playing a card game on my iPod. I have won this game fifty times since the end of January which basically means to me I have a very boring uninviting life.

That's what I should have said in my little speech. That my life right now is a complete and utter boring mess and I signed up for this trip to jump start me living a better story. Or at least it was when I signed up for it.

Right now, months after signing up for this I feel very distant from God. Well, distant isn't the word. I feel lost, out of sync, stranded, and alone. I feel I have made my relationship God into a political self-help book God. That I'm just using Him as some big tool for me to write about and argue about. Jesus seems to have become impersonal to me or better yet I have become impersonal to God.

I've been reading about lifeboats lately. How we all seem to be trying to persuade everyone that we are worth keeping on the lifeboat and that they should throw someone else off when it starts to sink. We find our worth from those people and try to make ourselves look better through it.

I'm reading about how Jesus came in and said,"Who needs a lifeboat?" It's about finding our worth and love from God only and how that should be enough.

I never want to be considered some thoughtful person or philosophical writer or some creative artist. I don't want that to happen to me. But people tell me I am these things and I find worth in that so I try to personify that type of personality. Always seeming to ask the tough questions with the easiest of whim. Always contemplating life challenges and it's meaning. All I need next is a smoking pipe and one of those big leather arm chairs where I can sit next to a roaring fire and feel important as people come up to me and ask what life is truly about. Yes, I don't want that.

I would rather find worth from my personal God, my dance partner going through life together. I think that is about it. I mean, I like writing my thoughts online but I don't want to be considered some amazing thinker. Just a guy, living out his life, striving to be that beautiful reflection of an intimate Jesus who together are living a better story.

I have now just finished a chapter in a book about this. It is "Searching For God Knows What" by Donald Miller and it goes through his journey also.

Funny how things work like that.