This is what happens when you clean your room. You find poems written by your friend "way back in the day." Like it or hate it, you should visit his blog.
Never Kiss A Mouse
Never kiss a mouse
Because their breath smells really bad
And if you ever kiss a mouse
you will be really sad.
Mice don't go to the dentist
To make their sharp teeth white
So they don't care if they turn yellow
So you they'll probably bite.
Even though they are so cute
It doesn't mean you can kiss them
They will say they love you
But that was way back then
Now the mice are evil
They do bad things all day
And if you ever kiss them
It is you who's gonna pay
And you will be very mad
Because they made you their prey
This rhyme is very bad
badder than all the rest
But my next one will be
the very, very, best
I will work on it all day and night
Through fire, through rain, through snow
Which I think is pretty stupid
Since you're not even a girl.
June 25, 2010
Unpublished Poetry : Part One
This is what happens when you clean your room. You find poems written by your friend "way back in the day." Like it or hate it, you should visit his blog.
Unhealthy Snacks
Matthew Pautsch, Matthew Pautsch
You like to sit on the couch
You like to eat chips and pop
Your belly will soon go flop
from having too much to eat
You won't be able to get back on your feet
You have become so very fat
You're even fatter than your cat
Junk food is not good for you
That stuff belongs at the zoo
So now you best stand back up
before you begin to throw up.
Put that junk food in the trash
And go make yourself some cash.
Don't go and buy more food
It makes you look so very rude
If you by more food, get some burritos
And not the junk food, cooler ranch Doritos
Carrots are a food that is healthy
And eating healthy
Will make you wealthy.
So if you want junk food
go buy some more
But you will end up
very poor.
Unhealthy Snacks
Matthew Pautsch, Matthew Pautsch
You like to sit on the couch
You like to eat chips and pop
Your belly will soon go flop
from having too much to eat
You won't be able to get back on your feet
You have become so very fat
You're even fatter than your cat
Junk food is not good for you
That stuff belongs at the zoo
So now you best stand back up
before you begin to throw up.
Put that junk food in the trash
And go make yourself some cash.
Don't go and buy more food
It makes you look so very rude
If you by more food, get some burritos
And not the junk food, cooler ranch Doritos
Carrots are a food that is healthy
And eating healthy
Will make you wealthy.
So if you want junk food
go buy some more
But you will end up
very poor.
Buying Underwear
You know those people who wear those "I ♥ N.Y." shirts? I always laughed at those people because I thought they looked stupid.
But awhile ago I wore my "I ♥ N.O." and I felt super awesome about myself because I really do heart N.O.. I didn't care what other people thought about it.
I found my worth not from others but from myself.
Well some time ago, I was wearing this shirt and had to go buy underwear because, well, I needed some.
So I went to Wal-mart because the culture around Wal-mart is the type where I don't feel like I will be judged as much. I'm more comfortable buying personal things there because I feel like I won't be judged or given weird looks.
I had Target gift cards.
I would have gone to Target but it is a commonly known fact that all the good looking girls work at Target so I was too nervous to go buy underwear where all the cute girls are.
I have this nightmare of buying underwear at Target. I would get so embarrassed plopping my pack of underwear of the conveyor belt, having cute girl scan item, look at me, look back at underwear, look back at me, and then I would stare at my wallet, stare at my foot, and then back at wallet.
I would fiddle handing her my credit card because at my nervousness swiping it myself would be out of the question. Then she would ring it up and then ask if I would like a bag and even though I wouldn't need a bag I would say yes because no way would I ever carry that out into the parking lot.
This is my nightmare, hence why I go to Wal-mart.
So I walk into Wal-mart, find the men section, look for underwear, find underwear, look around to make sure nobody is watching me grabbing bag of underwear, grab bag of underwear, put my hands over as much of underwear bag as I can, double time it to the self checkout line.
I double take as I find that the charge is completely even at thirteen dollars, double take again because at thirteen dollars I feel like I'm being ripped off but whatever. Swipe my credit card, then some employee has to walk up and fix something because my receipt wasn't coming out and wouldn't allow me to finish the transaction which was weird.
I grab bag, walk to car, accidentally walked to wrong car aisle, have to back track, find car, get in car, breathe, drive away.
Ah-ha! Success!
This is my underwear buying story.
I wanted to go to Target, because I had gift cards but I couldn't push myself to do it. I tried to convince myself into it like, "everyone wears underwear (hopefully) so people buying underwear shouldn't be that weird."
It didn't work, as you can tell, and I went to Wal-mart.
Just like the "I ♥" shirts, I felt like I would get judged by my underwear shopping. I wear an "I ♥" shirt though, and I don't care what people think about me when I wear it. If only underwear shopping were like that. Maybe I should have forced myself into Target and not cared what people thought about my purchase of underwear. Could you imagine it?
I walk into Target, stare into the security camera, put my fist in the air and scream, "I'm buying underwear today!" I then ask the nearest employee where the mens underwear is and they point, maybe giving me a look that says, "why aren't you at Wal-mart?"
I go get my underwear, walk to the checkout lane with the cutest girl in it, plop my underwear down, look her in the eye, smile, ask her how she is doing, wheres she from, and then as she gives me my receipt I give her my number that I have been saving in my wallet, hold her hand, and say, "call me because I would to take you out to dinner."
All that because I don't care what people think of me. All that because I get my worth from this guy named Jesus who died on a cross for me because He loves me.
But awhile ago I wore my "I ♥ N.O." and I felt super awesome about myself because I really do heart N.O.. I didn't care what other people thought about it.
I found my worth not from others but from myself.
Well some time ago, I was wearing this shirt and had to go buy underwear because, well, I needed some.
So I went to Wal-mart because the culture around Wal-mart is the type where I don't feel like I will be judged as much. I'm more comfortable buying personal things there because I feel like I won't be judged or given weird looks.
I had Target gift cards.
I would have gone to Target but it is a commonly known fact that all the good looking girls work at Target so I was too nervous to go buy underwear where all the cute girls are.
I have this nightmare of buying underwear at Target. I would get so embarrassed plopping my pack of underwear of the conveyor belt, having cute girl scan item, look at me, look back at underwear, look back at me, and then I would stare at my wallet, stare at my foot, and then back at wallet.
I would fiddle handing her my credit card because at my nervousness swiping it myself would be out of the question. Then she would ring it up and then ask if I would like a bag and even though I wouldn't need a bag I would say yes because no way would I ever carry that out into the parking lot.
This is my nightmare, hence why I go to Wal-mart.
So I walk into Wal-mart, find the men section, look for underwear, find underwear, look around to make sure nobody is watching me grabbing bag of underwear, grab bag of underwear, put my hands over as much of underwear bag as I can, double time it to the self checkout line.
I double take as I find that the charge is completely even at thirteen dollars, double take again because at thirteen dollars I feel like I'm being ripped off but whatever. Swipe my credit card, then some employee has to walk up and fix something because my receipt wasn't coming out and wouldn't allow me to finish the transaction which was weird.
I grab bag, walk to car, accidentally walked to wrong car aisle, have to back track, find car, get in car, breathe, drive away.
Ah-ha! Success!
This is my underwear buying story.
I wanted to go to Target, because I had gift cards but I couldn't push myself to do it. I tried to convince myself into it like, "everyone wears underwear (hopefully) so people buying underwear shouldn't be that weird."
It didn't work, as you can tell, and I went to Wal-mart.
Just like the "I ♥" shirts, I felt like I would get judged by my underwear shopping. I wear an "I ♥" shirt though, and I don't care what people think about me when I wear it. If only underwear shopping were like that. Maybe I should have forced myself into Target and not cared what people thought about my purchase of underwear. Could you imagine it?
I walk into Target, stare into the security camera, put my fist in the air and scream, "I'm buying underwear today!" I then ask the nearest employee where the mens underwear is and they point, maybe giving me a look that says, "why aren't you at Wal-mart?"
I go get my underwear, walk to the checkout lane with the cutest girl in it, plop my underwear down, look her in the eye, smile, ask her how she is doing, wheres she from, and then as she gives me my receipt I give her my number that I have been saving in my wallet, hold her hand, and say, "call me because I would to take you out to dinner."
All that because I don't care what people think of me. All that because I get my worth from this guy named Jesus who died on a cross for me because He loves me.
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