Dropping A Class

I am currently in Interim, also known as J-term. To enlighten very few of you, basically you take one class for a month and that is it. You have the same class for a couple of hours every day until boredom comes streaming out of your tear ducts.

I originally was going to take a storytelling class. Storytelling being something that I kind of talk about on here so the title/topic appealed to me. My advisor suggested it because it is not offered that much and he just so happens to teach it. Aiming to not disappoint him or rejecting his suggestion I signed up to take it.

I was one of the eight people that signed up for it. Not a big deal, just slightly odd.

Then I received an email from him during Christmas Break. He gave us a reading assignment and told us about the three movies that we would be storyboarding, directing, producing, and editing. Three movies in a month is a little overkill in my opinion. The last movie I made drained me of my creative juices. Too many hours spent editing drains you and your ability to think of other stories to make.

So I had my excuses. Early class, lots of movies, lack of modern equipment, lots of work, many other options that can fulfill the degree requirement. I searched for another class to take, found one, debated in my mind for awhile if this is really what I want to do, dropped the storytelling class, and signed up for the other class. The other class being a film class where we sit and watch movies then talk about it.

Of course, the first day classes start I see my advisor, with his new goatee(classy), in the lunch room. He comes up to me, fake slams his tray on the table and sits down to talk to me. He asks, "Where were you this morning?" I tell him I dropped the class and he says he knows. I tell him my reasons, noted above, and he understands but he had heard of my movies from earlier and how excited he was to see what I could come up with. He also noted that if I want to learn the stuff in the class later in life it would be lots of money.

Guilt trips are so powerful.

So now I'm filled with regret and tell him sorry. He realizes that the email was probably not a good idea and I sort of agree. I tell him I would like to drop in sometime and just sit in. He tells me about some people he is bringing in that he thinks I would like. I agree to join in for class then.

As I write this I get even more filled with regret. If I was an impulsive person I would have dropped the class, added it back, dropped it again, and added it again. I could change back to that class but I still feel as if my creativity needs a break, at least from the academic setting.

I hate "disappointing" people and I am sure that if I tell that to my advisor he will disagree that I am disappointing him. It's his job to push people to learn things right? To push them toward their potential? Am I just holding myself back? Did I choose the healthy thing to do or the lazy? Am I being wise or fearful?

Because isn't, "wisdom a convenient mask for fear?"