The Darkness

I wrote this on Spring Break. Just to get rid of any confusion. I don't feel as if this is complete but this blog post is really just me writing blah's late at night while pondering things rather than sleeping.

It's around midnight in my room back at home. The light from my computer screen quickly fades into the darkness of the night. The blinds on my window are opened so I can see outside. Snow is on the ground and the moon is shining through the haziness. There is a street lamp on in the distance. I'm listening to the David Crowder Band with my headphones on. I am not sure what to write about though. I think I will write about what is on my mind. I will unplug my computer and write until the battery goes out or I am out of words to say.

Lately, I have been thinking about the dark. I guess you could say an absence of light too, cause that is all darkness is. I don't know why the darkness is so mysterious, so provocative, and so intriguing. Is it because our vision is limited and we don't know what is ahead? Or is it because it gives us the same feeling we get when we close our eyes? Is it because it dulls one sense and enhances are other senses? When I close my eyes I can feel my heartbeat more than before. I can hear my steady breathing. Space seems imminent and far. I feel as if I am in another world, where there is nobody watching and that I can do whatever I want and nobody will judge me because of it. I can hear what I am thinking to myself and visualizing them. I take a few deep breaths to let it all sink in. It is a relief to be in the darkness, almost comforting.

Darkness also brings me fear. Shadows cast upon the wall frighten me. Noises heard get my imagination going. I think of people running through my room, sneaking up on me waiting for the perfect moment to attack. So I sit there and wait for the noise again to get their location and prepare myself for the attack. I clench my fist and my adrenaline pumps through my veins. I usually end up not sleeping for awhile. Darkness only hides things from being exposed to who or what they really are. Darkness needs deliverance.

The dark also reminds me of death and mourning, but also of power, depth, and soul. Death is a dark thing. When you experience someone's death it brings heaviness on your heart, just like darkness feels heavier on your skin. I don't think funeral attire should be black because it is too depressing. People can only take so much suffering and so much heart break. So why make it even harder than it needs to be?

Darkness heightens the colors around it. Is this why black and white photos seem more meaningful and enlightened?

And that is where I stopped and ran out of words. Not really sure where to go from here but I am sitting in my dorm room now with the same situation minus the snow. Lighting in general is a powerful thing, so how much light do you give out?

Tuesday with Hippies, Dr. Pepper, and Sunshine

Today is Tuesday. Which for me means Dr. Pepper Hour. For those of you unaware of the glorious sensation of Dr. Pepper Hour I shall explain. It is Dr. Pepper mixed with Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. It is delicious and marvelously sensational. I like it because it is right at snack time and is a short walk away from my English class.

So Dr. Pepper Hour arrives and my friend and I go outside to enjoy the deliciousness because it is a lovely 80 degree day today with a slight wind. We park it on a bench and start eating our Dr. Pepper Floats. It is a perfect day to just relax. The only thing that was missing was a hammock. So we were enjoying our floats when we notice two guys acting very strange. They were crawling around trying to sneak up on somebody they knew. We determined they were hippies due to their longer hair and beards and also their clothing styles. It was very strange to watch for awhile because I had never seen people act like this before. It was very enjoyable to watch though.

One of the hippies took off his shoes and socks while the other gave him a boost onto a tree. Long story short, they both ended up in the tree and then they got caught by their friend. It was Dr. Pepper Hour with a show and we had perfect seats.

Hippies are cool people. I admire them for some reason. I don't know why but they seem very carefree yet very passionate. Over the past couple of months I have noticed myself become a little more hippie. Like my friend says, "I am a hippie at heart." I think that is true. Deep down we are all a hippie at heart and we all have a little hippie in us.

So Happy St. Patty's Day to all of you. Today was a good day filled with sunshine, conversation, hippies, and Dr. Pepper Floats. Peace.

Yearn and Burn

For some time I have heard people talking about some crazy preachers. The preachers that will be sweating on the stage shouting into the microphone. These crazy preachers giving the audience the guilt trip of a lifetime, telling them to "Turn or Burn!" Now, I have only heard of these preachers but have never experienced one. So I guess you could just call me sheltered.

I find the term "Turn or Burn" very strange. It never specifies which way to turn. Turn away from God or turn toward God? It never specifies which type of burning either. Burning in hell or burning with Jesus-like passion? If you change "or" to "and" it takes on another kind of meaning. "Turn or Burn" sounds threatening and guilt trippy. "Turn and Burn" is something I want to do.

Of course I'm not a fan of turning either. Call me lazy. I guess the phrase "Turn" is an example of "Repentance" which someone once told me one time means to do and hundred and eighty turn turn. To face the other direction. What if you "Turn" so much you forget which way you're facing? What if you get dizzy from spinning around so much? I find it almost scary and I now have a fear of being dizzy.

So I want to replace "Turn" with "Yearn." It is a cool word and it catchy. Truth is I stole the "Yearn and Burn" from a song in which they sing, "Lord, I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion." Yearning is something that sounds mystical and magical. It makes the word longing seem weak. Yearning is something I want to do in my walk. I yearn to be close to Jesus. I yearn to be like Jesus. I yearn to love like Jesus.

I like burning still. It is probably the inner-pyro inside me. Fire is just sweet. From huge bonfires to those little lighters. Fire amazes me, but not when it hurts me. If it hurts me, then I don't like fire. The thing with the "Yearn and Burn" is that the burning is internal. The burn and yearn are like a tag-team from heaven. They devour enemies in their track. Because we yearn, we burn. Yearn for God. Burn with passion. Because we burn, we yearn more. Together, they're like an accelerating train.

Dark times will come though. When the flame loses most of its flicker and the yearning doesn't come around as much. Other time the burn is gone, so the yearn dies with it. How do you get the train moving again? I guess the same way you light a candle again. Another candle or something lights it again. Then back you go burning and yearning. Maybe you can light other candles along the way. Set off that spark.

Because it's not some "Turn or Burn" kind of thing. You don't want people to just begin a relationship with Jesus out of guilt. I think it would be better for people to start their relationship with Jesus because they want to yearn for Jesus.

"I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion"