I filmed a funeral.
I got asked to because a lady organizing/participating in it goes to New Life Church so through the vine she contacted me.
This was only the second or third funeral I have ever attended. I don't remember any of the other ones really in detail so I'm pretty inexperienced in this concept of the "celebration of death."
I didn't know what the proper attire for a funeral was so I googled it. Google said dark clothes and (in caps) never to bring to a camera. I wore a dark blue shirt, black pants, black socks, black shoes, but white underwear. (tmi?)
The ceremony and message went smoothly and quickly with only one hiccup. One of the pastors read the obituary and he read that the Vietnam Veteran was dishonorably discharged instead of honorably discharged but he corrected himself and everyone was forgiving.
After the service we went to Fort Snelling National Cemetery where there are two things: grass and white headstones.
There were a lot of workers there replacing dead grass with new grass and there were signs that read "grass restoration in progress."
I guess someone didn't water enough last year or something.
After the burial service there was a luncheon for all the attendees. It was at a senior housing center which, to me, seemed like a hotel. There people chatted and ate cake, sandwiches, and tapioca pudding.
Later on that day I went to a graduation party.
//
Death has always been a bit of a mystery to me so a funeral seemed like a good place to experience it. I had so many questions about a funeral like why do we go to so much length for a dead person? Is it for honor, or pride? Is it to comfort the family? Is it the time for the "final goodbye?"
There must be this connection with humanity and death. I imagine watching Marley & Me as the family cries when the are saying there last goodbyes and then I start crying too as the little boy goes, "He knows...he knows."
Looking around at Fort Snelling Cemetery you can see a lot of flags, flowers, and other things around graves honoring the dead. I wondered what urged people to come back and do that if a funeral is the "final goodbye." Maybe just to remind themselves of the past, to provoke emotion into themselves?
Boyd has been talking about death lately and he says that we are already dead. Not physically but he says we have to wake up, that we are already dead and God is what makes us alive. I can't really remember much more about what he said but the verse that comes to mind is "dead to sin, but alive in Christ."
They said a bunch of times that a funeral is a celebration of someones life. I don't think celebration is the right word, or maybe we just don't treat it like a celebration. People are crying, comforting each other, there are no balloons or streamers.
What I mean by this is that at the graduation party, you could tell it was a celebration of someone graduating. There was a "Congrats Graduate" on the garage door and I didn't have to google what I should wear. There were colorful table cloths, candy, and you can bring presents! At a funeral you wear dark clothes, everything is plain, simple, dark. There is no colorful sign on the front door, no table cloths, and they sing sad songs. I just don't see the celebration part.
Isn't it in New Orleans where they have a parade as a funeral? What's that called?
During the burial ceremony a lot of cars and construction machines went by on the street. One of the machines was holding a big golden coffin. I wondered why they chose that coffin, why gold, and why so large. After it's buried six feet under, does it really matter?
I remember when I went to New Orleans that at the edge of the city was a large cemetery with very large headstones. Some of them with large statues or large crosses. It made me feel uncomfortable when looking at it and I thought how expensive they must have been.
Grass dies, but gets restored with newer grass, which comes in big rolls that have to be carried by a bobcat. When people die, our body gets put in a coffin then buried in dirt. Well, at least our physical body does. Who really knows what happens to our souls or spirits?
When you look at dead grass it's never an individual blade of grass, its usually a cluster of blades. It's like the surrounding blades die a little too. Maybe that is what happens when a loved one dies, a little part of ourselves dies too.
I still haven't figured out death completely and I don't think I will anytime soon. It's kind of hard to talk about or think about. They kept saying that through death, comes new life. Maybe that is what Boyd means, that we have to realize that we're already dead so that we may start our new life in Christ.
Life through death. Sounds catchy.
June 18, 2010
May 12, 2010
A Five-Point Story: Bethel
05|05
This point five of five. This means this is the end of my story; so far...
Transferring is hard. I did not like transferring. It was kind of a big hassle always emailing advisers, learning a new campus, a new system, learning the lingo of what is what. I mean, Bethel has BC, DC, AC, CC, HC, RC, SRC, CLC, and Sem and that took me like three weeks to learn.
I never wanted to go to Bethel when I was searching for colleges my senior year of high school because that is where a lot of people went from my high school. I applied because it was my back-up plan and never intended to actually go there.
My goal was to be the first sibling in my family not to transfer. My sister transferred, my brother transferred. I guess it's a family tradition now.
Anyways, Bethel has been good so far. I almost went through the same motions that I went through at Baylor but in not as grand of a scale and it took a lot less time to get acquainted with people here at Bethel. I guess it is either because people at Bethel are a lot nicer or because I had one year under my belt so I had a little experience.
I knew a lot of people from my high school when I came to Bethel and that was nice, I had quite the supporting cast, something that I lacked at Baylor.
I always imagined Bethel as being a New Life sister and I think that it is true. It seems to be pretty unorganized like New Life was. It is a lot larger than New Life but small on a college scale.
I owe my smoother transition to Bethel toward my experience in the past and towards the comfort I feel being closer to home. I tried a little bit harder getting involved in campus activities. Now, I really didn't do that many activities but after I read the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller I was convinced I had to do something. So I, on a whim, signed up for a Spring Break mission trip to New Orleans. It turned out to be a good trip, a trip that I feel I would have never done while at Baylor.
Bethel has been more supportive for me in my spiritual life. I didn't go to chapel all the much in the fall semester because I didn't feel like it. My excuse was always that Baylor chapel ruined the concept of chapel all together but really I just would rather read a book. Spring semester though, near the end of the semester I finally came around and started going to chapel and I started enjoying it. I heard some good messages, some not so good. I now had a group of friends to go with which makes it easier to go.
And now here I am in my final week of my first year at Bethel. I've learned a lot, I think. I am now realizing it is a lot harder to write about the stuff that has just happened to you. Probably because you haven't had the time to think through it or because you told the story so many times recently it is not very exciting.
My five-point story ends here, but my story is still being written.
This point five of five. This means this is the end of my story; so far...
Transferring is hard. I did not like transferring. It was kind of a big hassle always emailing advisers, learning a new campus, a new system, learning the lingo of what is what. I mean, Bethel has BC, DC, AC, CC, HC, RC, SRC, CLC, and Sem and that took me like three weeks to learn.
I never wanted to go to Bethel when I was searching for colleges my senior year of high school because that is where a lot of people went from my high school. I applied because it was my back-up plan and never intended to actually go there.
My goal was to be the first sibling in my family not to transfer. My sister transferred, my brother transferred. I guess it's a family tradition now.
Anyways, Bethel has been good so far. I almost went through the same motions that I went through at Baylor but in not as grand of a scale and it took a lot less time to get acquainted with people here at Bethel. I guess it is either because people at Bethel are a lot nicer or because I had one year under my belt so I had a little experience.
I knew a lot of people from my high school when I came to Bethel and that was nice, I had quite the supporting cast, something that I lacked at Baylor.
I always imagined Bethel as being a New Life sister and I think that it is true. It seems to be pretty unorganized like New Life was. It is a lot larger than New Life but small on a college scale.
I owe my smoother transition to Bethel toward my experience in the past and towards the comfort I feel being closer to home. I tried a little bit harder getting involved in campus activities. Now, I really didn't do that many activities but after I read the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller I was convinced I had to do something. So I, on a whim, signed up for a Spring Break mission trip to New Orleans. It turned out to be a good trip, a trip that I feel I would have never done while at Baylor.
Bethel has been more supportive for me in my spiritual life. I didn't go to chapel all the much in the fall semester because I didn't feel like it. My excuse was always that Baylor chapel ruined the concept of chapel all together but really I just would rather read a book. Spring semester though, near the end of the semester I finally came around and started going to chapel and I started enjoying it. I heard some good messages, some not so good. I now had a group of friends to go with which makes it easier to go.
And now here I am in my final week of my first year at Bethel. I've learned a lot, I think. I am now realizing it is a lot harder to write about the stuff that has just happened to you. Probably because you haven't had the time to think through it or because you told the story so many times recently it is not very exciting.
My five-point story ends here, but my story is still being written.
A Five-Point Story : Baylor
04|05
For those of you who don't know, which is probably none of you, I went to Baylor my freshman year of college. But you knew this already so this is just a statement re-affirming your knowledge of my life.
For those of you don't know, which is also probably none of you, Baylor is a large university down in Waco, Texas. But you knew that too. You readers are smart!
I went through a lot of the same motions during my first year at Baylor as I did during the first year at New Life (see previous blog).
In short, I hated it. I also loved it at times. I say this a lot now but looking back, I think if I stuck it out for another year I would have been alright. I would have put Baylor on a probationary semester or two and then decided whether to transfer or not. Like I said before(again, previous blog) community takes time and at times I feel as if I shorted Baylor on the time part.
At first glance, I viewed Baylor as a large, a lot more organized version of New Life. Baylor had a vision, a goal, a history, and a very pretty campus. I figured, my brother was at a school in Texas and he turned out alright. (He says he went for the academics but we all know he went for a woman.)
So I was excited for this adventure in Texas.
It was early in my first freshman semester that I started this blog. This was done at my friends beckoning because it was the cool thing to do. One and half years later and here I am. After awhile my blogs got kind of depressing, kind of critical, political, and mechanical. I was in a sad state of mind and very critical of everything around me, something that I still carry around at times. I would critique everything down to the bone and would overall turn it into something negative against me being down here. I would never actually critique things in public because I was too scared, rather, I would let my critiques fly free in this blog. Of course, If anyone opposed me of my points I wouldn't be able to defend myself.
It wasn't all terrible down in Texas. I had some very good moments down there too. My roommates were funny and liked to play soccer so I at least stayed active. I still can't believe they thought I was fast.
I went from this very involved life at New Life to a very non-involved life at Baylor. This is what I wanted though. I didn't want to be overwhelmed with things to do during my first year at college. I wanted a little vacation from extra-curricular activities. This could have been my downfall in the end, because extra-curricular activities is where you meet people. I didn't want to go a fraternity though because who wants to work that hard just to get into some club? That's about the extent of my search though, my roommates had lots of friends and I would tag along with them so I wasn't completely lonely.
During my last couple of months at Baylor, when my decision on whether to transfer or not was coming closer it became very hard to decide on whether to stay or to go. Each day was thrown into the equation as I deliberated. Some good days told me that this is where I should be, that I can stick it out here. Some bad days told me that this place was of the devil and Texas was a terrible state. I kept a mental list of pros and cons about Baylor. Whether to stay or to go.
In the end, you all know what I chose. I still like Baylor and I hold no grudges against it. It is a fine institution that I just couldn't seem to find the right spot in or didn't give it enough time to fit somewhere.
Overall, Baylor taught me about who I am as a human. I thought it would teach me this but I imagined it in a very different way. I expected support through me becoming the person I wish to become but rather I received a brick wall for which I had to climb over. I expected people to help lift me over the wall, encouraging support so that when I fell off the wall they would catch me and throw me back up but I never really received that. Again, maybe with time this could have happened. Either way, I still learned a lot about who I am, who I want to become, and who I am becoming.
It was a rough year, freshman year, but it was also a good year, one that I can look back on and reflect upon. Something that helps me in my story, and something helps me help other who seem to be going through the same thing.
This is part four in my five-point story. Baylor. Texas. Sic 'em.
For those of you who don't know, which is probably none of you, I went to Baylor my freshman year of college. But you knew this already so this is just a statement re-affirming your knowledge of my life.
For those of you don't know, which is also probably none of you, Baylor is a large university down in Waco, Texas. But you knew that too. You readers are smart!
I went through a lot of the same motions during my first year at Baylor as I did during the first year at New Life (see previous blog).
In short, I hated it. I also loved it at times. I say this a lot now but looking back, I think if I stuck it out for another year I would have been alright. I would have put Baylor on a probationary semester or two and then decided whether to transfer or not. Like I said before(again, previous blog) community takes time and at times I feel as if I shorted Baylor on the time part.
At first glance, I viewed Baylor as a large, a lot more organized version of New Life. Baylor had a vision, a goal, a history, and a very pretty campus. I figured, my brother was at a school in Texas and he turned out alright. (He says he went for the academics but we all know he went for a woman.)
So I was excited for this adventure in Texas.
It was early in my first freshman semester that I started this blog. This was done at my friends beckoning because it was the cool thing to do. One and half years later and here I am. After awhile my blogs got kind of depressing, kind of critical, political, and mechanical. I was in a sad state of mind and very critical of everything around me, something that I still carry around at times. I would critique everything down to the bone and would overall turn it into something negative against me being down here. I would never actually critique things in public because I was too scared, rather, I would let my critiques fly free in this blog. Of course, If anyone opposed me of my points I wouldn't be able to defend myself.
It wasn't all terrible down in Texas. I had some very good moments down there too. My roommates were funny and liked to play soccer so I at least stayed active. I still can't believe they thought I was fast.
I went from this very involved life at New Life to a very non-involved life at Baylor. This is what I wanted though. I didn't want to be overwhelmed with things to do during my first year at college. I wanted a little vacation from extra-curricular activities. This could have been my downfall in the end, because extra-curricular activities is where you meet people. I didn't want to go a fraternity though because who wants to work that hard just to get into some club? That's about the extent of my search though, my roommates had lots of friends and I would tag along with them so I wasn't completely lonely.
During my last couple of months at Baylor, when my decision on whether to transfer or not was coming closer it became very hard to decide on whether to stay or to go. Each day was thrown into the equation as I deliberated. Some good days told me that this is where I should be, that I can stick it out here. Some bad days told me that this place was of the devil and Texas was a terrible state. I kept a mental list of pros and cons about Baylor. Whether to stay or to go.
In the end, you all know what I chose. I still like Baylor and I hold no grudges against it. It is a fine institution that I just couldn't seem to find the right spot in or didn't give it enough time to fit somewhere.
Overall, Baylor taught me about who I am as a human. I thought it would teach me this but I imagined it in a very different way. I expected support through me becoming the person I wish to become but rather I received a brick wall for which I had to climb over. I expected people to help lift me over the wall, encouraging support so that when I fell off the wall they would catch me and throw me back up but I never really received that. Again, maybe with time this could have happened. Either way, I still learned a lot about who I am, who I want to become, and who I am becoming.
It was a rough year, freshman year, but it was also a good year, one that I can look back on and reflect upon. Something that helps me in my story, and something helps me help other who seem to be going through the same thing.
This is part four in my five-point story. Baylor. Texas. Sic 'em.
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