So I haven't written in awhile. I don't know if it is writer's block or something else. I get a bunch of ideas about what to write about but they usually never come full circle and it kind of makes me sad. So this is one of my attempts to write completely. Hopefully this one comes around.
I've found myself slowly wearing out throughout this semester. I imagine it like a bicycle tire that has been over used. The tread is wearing down and becoming smooth which makes the precious air contained inside more accessible to the jagged rocks on the path.
I don't feel as if I am going to get a flat tire anytime soon but I do feel that at the rate I'm going it will be coming soon. As I keep going through the environment I feel that I am conforming more and more to the bumpy path. Some rocks still to me and become hard to pry off. I am becoming more and more defenseless from the enemies trying to change me. I know this isn't the way I want to become and that I wish to fling away my adversaries and temptations but I find it becoming so very hard.
The word conform always reminds me of my friends t-shirt that says, "do not conform." It has a bible verse below it but I don't remember the reference.
I am trying to consistently remind myself that this world has nothing for me. Whether it be from this very laptop to Halo to Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs. I have to remind myself that there is this God-shaped hole and nobody what I try to fill it up with I will never be satisfied. The only thing that fills me and gives me complete and utter joy is God. Knowing that will repel just about all enemies.
THIS WORLD HAS NOTHING FOR ME.
I have to repeat it over and over again because I never seem to believe it. Worldly possessions eventually lose interest or break but God lives forever.
So even though I feel exposed and wearing out I feel this impenetrable shield that will not let me go. I shall not run flat. I shall fight the good fight, finish the race, and I will keep the faith.
March 29, 2009
March 22, 2009
The Darkness
I wrote this on Spring Break. Just to get rid of any confusion. I don't feel as if this is complete but this blog post is really just me writing blah's late at night while pondering things rather than sleeping.
It's around midnight in my room back at home. The light from my computer screen quickly fades into the darkness of the night. The blinds on my window are opened so I can see outside. Snow is on the ground and the moon is shining through the haziness. There is a street lamp on in the distance. I'm listening to the David Crowder Band with my headphones on. I am not sure what to write about though. I think I will write about what is on my mind. I will unplug my computer and write until the battery goes out or I am out of words to say.
Lately, I have been thinking about the dark. I guess you could say an absence of light too, cause that is all darkness is. I don't know why the darkness is so mysterious, so provocative, and so intriguing. Is it because our vision is limited and we don't know what is ahead? Or is it because it gives us the same feeling we get when we close our eyes? Is it because it dulls one sense and enhances are other senses? When I close my eyes I can feel my heartbeat more than before. I can hear my steady breathing. Space seems imminent and far. I feel as if I am in another world, where there is nobody watching and that I can do whatever I want and nobody will judge me because of it. I can hear what I am thinking to myself and visualizing them. I take a few deep breaths to let it all sink in. It is a relief to be in the darkness, almost comforting.
Darkness also brings me fear. Shadows cast upon the wall frighten me. Noises heard get my imagination going. I think of people running through my room, sneaking up on me waiting for the perfect moment to attack. So I sit there and wait for the noise again to get their location and prepare myself for the attack. I clench my fist and my adrenaline pumps through my veins. I usually end up not sleeping for awhile. Darkness only hides things from being exposed to who or what they really are. Darkness needs deliverance.
The dark also reminds me of death and mourning, but also of power, depth, and soul. Death is a dark thing. When you experience someone's death it brings heaviness on your heart, just like darkness feels heavier on your skin. I don't think funeral attire should be black because it is too depressing. People can only take so much suffering and so much heart break. So why make it even harder than it needs to be?
Darkness heightens the colors around it. Is this why black and white photos seem more meaningful and enlightened?
And that is where I stopped and ran out of words. Not really sure where to go from here but I am sitting in my dorm room now with the same situation minus the snow. Lighting in general is a powerful thing, so how much light do you give out?
It's around midnight in my room back at home. The light from my computer screen quickly fades into the darkness of the night. The blinds on my window are opened so I can see outside. Snow is on the ground and the moon is shining through the haziness. There is a street lamp on in the distance. I'm listening to the David Crowder Band with my headphones on. I am not sure what to write about though. I think I will write about what is on my mind. I will unplug my computer and write until the battery goes out or I am out of words to say.
Lately, I have been thinking about the dark. I guess you could say an absence of light too, cause that is all darkness is. I don't know why the darkness is so mysterious, so provocative, and so intriguing. Is it because our vision is limited and we don't know what is ahead? Or is it because it gives us the same feeling we get when we close our eyes? Is it because it dulls one sense and enhances are other senses? When I close my eyes I can feel my heartbeat more than before. I can hear my steady breathing. Space seems imminent and far. I feel as if I am in another world, where there is nobody watching and that I can do whatever I want and nobody will judge me because of it. I can hear what I am thinking to myself and visualizing them. I take a few deep breaths to let it all sink in. It is a relief to be in the darkness, almost comforting.
Darkness also brings me fear. Shadows cast upon the wall frighten me. Noises heard get my imagination going. I think of people running through my room, sneaking up on me waiting for the perfect moment to attack. So I sit there and wait for the noise again to get their location and prepare myself for the attack. I clench my fist and my adrenaline pumps through my veins. I usually end up not sleeping for awhile. Darkness only hides things from being exposed to who or what they really are. Darkness needs deliverance.
The dark also reminds me of death and mourning, but also of power, depth, and soul. Death is a dark thing. When you experience someone's death it brings heaviness on your heart, just like darkness feels heavier on your skin. I don't think funeral attire should be black because it is too depressing. People can only take so much suffering and so much heart break. So why make it even harder than it needs to be?
Darkness heightens the colors around it. Is this why black and white photos seem more meaningful and enlightened?
And that is where I stopped and ran out of words. Not really sure where to go from here but I am sitting in my dorm room now with the same situation minus the snow. Lighting in general is a powerful thing, so how much light do you give out?
March 17, 2009
Tuesday with Hippies, Dr. Pepper, and Sunshine
Today is Tuesday. Which for me means Dr. Pepper Hour. For those of you unaware of the glorious sensation of Dr. Pepper Hour I shall explain. It is Dr. Pepper mixed with Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. It is delicious and marvelously sensational. I like it because it is right at snack time and is a short walk away from my English class.
So Dr. Pepper Hour arrives and my friend and I go outside to enjoy the deliciousness because it is a lovely 80 degree day today with a slight wind. We park it on a bench and start eating our Dr. Pepper Floats. It is a perfect day to just relax. The only thing that was missing was a hammock. So we were enjoying our floats when we notice two guys acting very strange. They were crawling around trying to sneak up on somebody they knew. We determined they were hippies due to their longer hair and beards and also their clothing styles. It was very strange to watch for awhile because I had never seen people act like this before. It was very enjoyable to watch though.
One of the hippies took off his shoes and socks while the other gave him a boost onto a tree. Long story short, they both ended up in the tree and then they got caught by their friend. It was Dr. Pepper Hour with a show and we had perfect seats.
Hippies are cool people. I admire them for some reason. I don't know why but they seem very carefree yet very passionate. Over the past couple of months I have noticed myself become a little more hippie. Like my friend says, "I am a hippie at heart." I think that is true. Deep down we are all a hippie at heart and we all have a little hippie in us.
So Happy St. Patty's Day to all of you. Today was a good day filled with sunshine, conversation, hippies, and Dr. Pepper Floats. Peace.
So Dr. Pepper Hour arrives and my friend and I go outside to enjoy the deliciousness because it is a lovely 80 degree day today with a slight wind. We park it on a bench and start eating our Dr. Pepper Floats. It is a perfect day to just relax. The only thing that was missing was a hammock. So we were enjoying our floats when we notice two guys acting very strange. They were crawling around trying to sneak up on somebody they knew. We determined they were hippies due to their longer hair and beards and also their clothing styles. It was very strange to watch for awhile because I had never seen people act like this before. It was very enjoyable to watch though.
One of the hippies took off his shoes and socks while the other gave him a boost onto a tree. Long story short, they both ended up in the tree and then they got caught by their friend. It was Dr. Pepper Hour with a show and we had perfect seats.
Hippies are cool people. I admire them for some reason. I don't know why but they seem very carefree yet very passionate. Over the past couple of months I have noticed myself become a little more hippie. Like my friend says, "I am a hippie at heart." I think that is true. Deep down we are all a hippie at heart and we all have a little hippie in us.
So Happy St. Patty's Day to all of you. Today was a good day filled with sunshine, conversation, hippies, and Dr. Pepper Floats. Peace.
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